New School Sleep Schedule = Grumpy Britches

We are now at Wednesday here in the first week of school and the new sleep schedule, “up and at’em” early morning routine is taking its toll…on everyone.  E (6) has been a big ole Crabby McCrabberson the last two days.  W (8) is doing good, I think that kid could go on 0 sleep if he had to.  E on the other hand is a different story.

W and I were sitting on the couch watching Animal Planet last night when Miss Grumpy Britches graced us with her attitude.  This is between her and her brother.

E: Can I change the channel?

W: No I am watching this.

E: No Your NOT! (put as much sass in that as you possibly can)

W: yes I am! I’m watching this show.  (he is clearly watching this show)

E: Umph..No Your Not!

*She gets up and starts walking out of the room* Meanwhile saying…

E: Well I’m going to go watch tv in your room and I’m going to watch what ever I want!  How do you like that?  What are you going to do about it?!?

All the while I am just sitting there trying not to laugh and I’m in awe of this attitude coming from my little girl.  I do not usually allow all this attitude but I couldn’t help finding it comical because I knew all the sassiness was coming from her being so tired.  She dished it out good.  Now that I know she can bring the ‘tude’ I fear her.  Looking into the future and hearing this attitude when she is 10, 12,15 years old scares the crap out of me!

I can tell W is becoming exhausted too but he has a secret stash of crack or something because he is always full throttle.  Me, I am exhausted and becoming a little short and crabby.  I do my best not to let my fuse get down to explosion but it has came close a few times.  I managed not to set my alarm clock all summer long so needless to say Monday morning I wanted to take a sledgehammer to it.  Last night I was ready to go to bed at 8:00 but managed to stay up till almost 10 with toothpicks holding my eyes open.  I did not miss my alarm clock and all the glory that comes along with getting up early..not one bit!  Give me another week and I will be back on track.  For now…Coffee Don’t Fail Me!

Looking back I don’t know how I functioned without coffee for so long.  I didn’t start drinking my liquid crack until I was around 28/29 years old.  I took care of 2 kids in the infant stage with NO coffee!  I seriously should get a metal or a trophy, hell just a little gold star sticker.  Something!  I don’t know how I functioned, took care of a baby or later a 1.5 year old and a baby, made decisions and was coherent.  I must be super human.  Yeah that’s it!

Boom  Shakalaka!

 

 

 

 

Yesterday was poopy

Yesterday went to shit real quick but it did have it’s good moments.  The good…the kids were awesome, all day long.  E even took it upon herself to clean her room to perfection and when her room was done she cleaned her brother’s.  I felt her head, checked birthmarks, drew blood and sent it off to be tested and yep, this is my daughter who did this.  I was shocked but very happy.

The bad…

We used to have 2 Krogers here in town, one on my end of town and the other on the other end.  My Kroger was wonderful, it was close, it was never crowded, the employees were so nice, they remembered me and my kids and always offered help.  The other one is awful.  The parking lot is so jacked up the way it is laid out that it is just one big cluster fuck of crap, everyone that works there hates their life for some reason, and all the customers are shit heads.  It’s never a fun experience.  I miss my Kroger so much.  Yesterday I went to asshole Kroger for the first time since mine closed in May.  Nothing there has changed.  The aisles are so narrow that you are always in someone’s way or they are in yours because of the stand alone displays they feel necessary to place in the narrow aisles.  Yesterday numerous times, as I was passing by one of these displays and someone would have to pause for me to get by I would always say “excuse me” with a smile.  What would I get back? A look that would kill me over dead.  I got ONE…ONE response with a smile.  What is wrong with people??  Is life just that bad?  I mean I hate it there too but for the love of god I’m not going to be a complete asshole to everyone.  Geesh!

I had to cancel a hotel reservation that I made with a package deal through them for a family wedding that we are attending in September.  I found out after the fact of making reservation through Expedia, that a block of rooms at the same hotel were reserved for wedding guests at a discounted rate but I need to go straight through the hotel to be able to get the discount.  The first call went smoothly, I thought.  They said the cancellation was no problem at all but they were showing an error with my card for the refund.  My first thought..Interesting because there was no ‘error’ to be found when you were charging it a few weeks ago.  She assured me the refund would take place and a confirmation refund receipt would be emailed to me within 5 to 10 minutes.  An hour later…..Nothing. I make call number 2 to see what the hold up is with my email and come to find out that the error still exists.  After being placed on hold and every 5 minutes the chick getting back on the line to let me know they are still “working” on it, it’s now almost 45 minutes later and she decides that I have been holding long enough and once again reassures me that I will get my refund and should have an email by days end.  Umm…It’s 7:30am the next day and guess what..still no email.  They are messing with my money.  I’m not happy.  So what I will be doing later is making yet another phone call.  Yay me.

I received a phone call yesterday from someone and during the call I was reminded of what a shit head a certain person is.  I had forgotten about a certain “thing” that this person did which is odd because of how much it effects our life.  Out of sight, out of mind I guess.  Once I was reminded of it I was instantly furious all over again.  Grrrr.  This person needs a swift kick in the butt and needs to be reminded how to be a decent human, unfortunately that is completely impossible.  This person will never be a decent human being, it’s been too long.  I need to do an entire venting post on that and might take up an offer that was given to me yesterday to use their blog as an anonymous venting place.  :)

That about sums up the craptastic day that was Tuesday.  Fuck you Tuesday and all your glory bullshit.

I am happy to report that the funk has been lifted off of my sister, or as she put it on my fb “I know I have been a turd much as of late and I promise to put down the turds and I will meet you out at dad’s”  and she is back in action.  We will be meeting at our dad’s later this morning for a little sun, swimming and much catching up.  This is awesome because I was starting to twitch from withdrawals.

There was more to post about but I just looked at the time and I have to roll!

 

This May Hurt Your Brain.

Alright I got a bunch of nothing today but a bunch of random crap so here we go.  If this hurts your brain I apologize in advance.

-My husband was eaten by the Snore Monster last night which moved me to the couch.  That monster is LOUD and annoying.

-The fact that people actually spend their money on Britney Spears tickets blows my mind.  Why in the hell would anyone buy tickets to watch someone lip sync?  If you do you are a dumbass and if you are buying them for your daughter you should be slapped…twice.

-My cat is now known as Daisy the Ninja Cat.  You walk through a room and she comes out of no where and attacks your ankles.  This is not cool when you have hot coffee in your hand.

-It’s been almost 2 weeks since we have been at the pool at my Dad’s because of weather and other going ons.  Today it is blue sky’s and hot so of course the pool is out of commission.  FML.  I need sun, the kids need to be worn out..Its about my Sanity people, Sanity!

-Now that our trip is planned I have the perfect excuse to go shopping!  Oh yes, this girl needs new shoes.  Like how I used the word need?  Yeah I need a new pair of shoes because my 158 pair that I already own aren’t Vegas worthy.     I also need a dress and some shirts.  Yes I need them.

-Chances are that when I do go shopping I won’t find anything because I will be looking for specific items.  Why is this always the case?  When you are broke or just out for the hell of it you can find a shit ton of stuff you want but when you go on a mission you can’t find shit.  I must start now because multiple trips may be needed.

-I am tired of looking at my kids with their 4,379 tattoos on them. We are going to have a scrub fest today, their skin is going to be raw and red.

I will leave you with a funny video.  I may have posted it before, I can’t remember but it is one of my favorites so I will post it again.  The amount of time that my sister and I have spent quoting this video is disturbing and makes me question our brains.

A Big Bag of Douche

I don’t know where to start and this is going to be all over the place. So here’s the deal.

-For the last couple of days W has been saying his throat was hurting.  He wouldn’t complain all the time, he would mention it here or there and he was acting just fine so I didn’t really pay any mind to it.  (that’s excellent parenting I know) Yesterday he said it again a couple of times and then came up with his own diagnosis for it.  His thought is it hurts because the little punching bag, as he calls it, in the back of his throat was stuck to one side.  I looked and it was where it was supposed to be.  After my shoot down of his diagnosis he went to B and had him look.  B got out the flash light and looked. Next thing I hear is “Mom needs to take a look at this.”  I look and think Ah Shit!  W has white crap all over his tonsils.  This usually means one thing…Strep.  Peachy.  If this is so, this means he has been walking around with Strep for 4 days now.  We are off to the doctor here shortly so see if I’m right.  I am currently taking bets on what the outcome is.

-Now where did the strep come from?  I bet it came from Indiana.

-B and W took off to Indiana on Wednesday to stay at his parents house for the night.  I get a phone call Wednesday night from B saying he has already had his fill, he had been there only a few hours.  My thoughts exactly and this is why I declined the invitation to go.  The next day he gets home and starts filling me in on the going ons up there.  Always drama which is not drama to anyone else but us because it’s such the norm up there.  Reason #598 why I’m glad we don’t live up there any longer.  He goes on to tell me about how everyone talks not only around the kids but to the kids.  The profanity used towards the kids is just disgusting.  This comes from all..the grandparents, the parents, the aunts and uncles.  Reason #3 I’m glad we don’t live up there.  If we lived up there I can guarantee my kids wouldn’t be around this very often, then I would be labeled the shitty snob that won’t bring her kids around her family.  Reason #587 why I’m glad we don’t live up there.

-My coffee tastes amazing this am.

-I think they should change the spelling of Wednesday to Wendsday just because after 30 years of spelling it 95% of the time I spell it wrong the first go around.  My fingers want to spell it the way it sounds.

-Saturday night I went downtown with my stepmom, her friend that was in from Indiana and my sister.  First let me just say that my stepmom is amazing and looks amazing.  She got all dolled up in a cute little summer dress with her tan and if you were to guess her age she looked 40 not 53.  She’s one hot mama!  We had a ball showing her friend downtown.  We did the rounds of the honky tonks and of course started with Tooties and did the loop.  I think it’s safe to say that her friend had a good time seeing that she was passed out in my back seat on the way home.  ha!

-I think I had a twin walking around Nashville Friday night.  I had 3 people stop me Saturday night and say that they saw me Friday night.  One dude even told me he saw me at the Embassy Suites.  Umm…No, not unless you were peering through my window Friday night and watched me sit on the couch.  Weird.

-It’s never a full night out without an argument.  My sister and I are standing in the front part of Paradise Park when two toolbags walk up and first one asks if I was at the Embassy Suites the night before.  We get through the whole ‘That was not me, I wasn’t there” thing and the next thing I know is my sister is arguing with one of the tools.  Not real sure what the hell started it but I hear my sister calling this dude a douche to his face and telling him to go on.  Then the other one wants to get involved and she is calling him a toolbag and telling him to walk away.  He did the other did not, he wanted a fight.  So he is telling her that she will never find anybody that can stand her, she will be single forever blah blah blah.  She’s telling him to fuck off and that he is a complete douche and toolbag and needs to go back to where ever he came from because Nashville has enough idiots already to go around.  I’m standing there with my beer in awwe because it was pretty funny and I love to hear my sister tell someone how it is.  Then the dude started to get completely out of line with her and I put myself in between them and finally calmed it down and got him to walk away.  Total buzz kill.

-I’ve had my fill of downtown for the rest of the summer.  I will stay in my little town and frequent the hole in the wall instead and drink beer for $2.50 versus the $4 you pay downtown.  Plus I would much rather be out with B surrounded by rednecks and bikers than be downtown with a bunch of Trendy McTrendersons and dumbasses anymore.  If that is a sign of age, I’m completely fine with it.

 

 

 

Friday’s Survival Sarcasm – Daddy Edition

It’s Friday and it’s time for your Friday’s Survival Sarcasm.  Sunday is Father’s Day so today we will be honoring the Dad’s in our lives.  We will be honoring our own Dad’s this Father’s Day, some will be honoring our husbands who might or might not be the father of our children.  Dad’s or just males in general are a crucial part of making little humans.  What does one need to make little humans you ask?  You need some baby batter.  Baby batter comes from the male aka Dad.  Whether you get the baby batter straight from the dispenser located in the wiener or you go to a special place where you can purchase the baby batter, you still need it to make a little human.  So here is to you baby batter producers!  Thanks to someecards.com for making providing our laughs.

Happy Father's Day!

Bwahahahahaha!

You're the Best!

 Happy Father’s Day to all you baby batter makers!  Without you we couldn’t make humans!

As always..

Rock Your Friday!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously?!?

I always have the urge to hit the “This post is super-awesome” button over there on the right.  What if I do and it’s really not super-awesome?  What if no one else thinks it’s super-awesome?  That would suck.

I just found out that one of my girlfriends is pregnant via facebook.  What the hell?  No phone call, not even a text to tell me this type of news?  Is this what it comes down to…telling huge news like this on facebook?  Another reason that facebook can suck my ass.  I was a little hurt by this.

I am counting down hours no make that minutes or even seconds to Saturday night.  I am headed out with my Stepmom and her friend that is coming into town from Indiana.  Last week and weekend was long.  Long I say!  B worked non stop for 6 days straight leaving the house before 6am and not returning till anywhere from 7 to 10:30.  It was just me and the kids….the whole time.  Mama needs a break.  Mama needs a huge break.  Saturday can’t get here fast enough.  I need a drink.

What is sad is that I have resorted to my stepmom and her friends to go out with this time around because mine all suck.  Yes people it is true.  I need new friends or better yet if my friends that live in my computer or in Twitterville would just move closer to me my life would be awesome. Unfortunately I can’t make that happen.  I need super human powers damnit.

I would make the best damn princess in the world.

I need people to come clean my house. Hints, the princess reference.  I also need the kids to not touch anything after the house has been cleaned because it seems that I clean and you can’t tell 5 minutes later.

I resorted to watching Cartoon Network last night because there was nothing on the 400+ channels that I get.  That’s sad.  My son would have been proud.

B and W leave for Indiana tomorrow for a night.  E and I will be here and we have decided to have a girls only slumber party.  I have a feeling she will be in my bed sleeping with me punching and kicking me all night long.  Good times, I can’t wait.

\]]]]]]]]]]]]w333333  <—-  the cat decided she needed to say something.

I twittered something yesterday and got a kinda shitty reply back.  My first thought..”well that wasn’t necessary and don’t be a twittercunt”.  Twittercunts suck,they can be male or female.  When you make the decision to put your 2 cents in on something that wasn’t directly said towards you and your 2 cents is shitty, negative, or assbagish you are a twittercunt and I have a flying urge to unfollow you.  Especially when that was the first thing ever said to me by this follower.

Lesson of the day:  Don’t be a TwitterCunt.

 

 

 

My Daughter the Rocker..Oh Cool Snap!

Hold on to your hats people…we are having a cool snap here in Tennessee.  After 15 or so days of 90+ degree weather we have a little relief. By a little I mean instead of it being 95 degrees its going to be 86.  Fish out the sweatshirts and long pants because it’s all kinds of chilly up in here.     In honor of this cool snap I will be half assing all of the home front duties today and heading to the pool with the kids and actually enjoy being outside by the pool instead of having to be in it completely submerged.  It’s a rough rough life, but hey someone’s got to do it.  You’re welcome.

My daughter has now become quite the little rock star.  2 years ago for Christmas B got her a hot pink acoustic guitar and she has finally taking a liking to it.  For the past week she has been in her room playing it and singing all of her favorite songs.  After much begging I finally got her to agree to play for me.  I snuck in my phone to record her and have some cute video.  B needs to tune her guitar something fierce.

First up..E singing Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream

Now a Miranda Crosgrove song.

So yes I have living with me the next pop super star! haha!  I love listening to her sing and play her guitar, it makes me smile.  B is the happiest man alive listening to her, you should see his smile when she plays.

Summer and the FurBucket

I’m taking a break from Friday’s Survival Sarcasm for a minute, it needs a time out and a moment for the cards to be refreshed with some new.

With summer break and the kids all up in my bizznass it’s hard for me to keep up with all the blogs that I read and comments coming in on mine.  So with that said if I don’t comment on your blog or reply to a comment left on mine, I have not turned snooty and don’t care anymore, it’s just that  I have 2 needy kids, 1 dumbass dog who keeps trying to play with and eat the new cat, and 1 brand new kitten who is always under the couch or bed then I have to get up and move furniture to get it.  I still love you all, it just going to take me an extra minute or two to keep up.  Bare with me.

Speaking of the new kitten, I have had numerous requests for a picture of the little furbucket.  So here you go.

Meet Daisy Furball Pfister, yes that is her full name.

I am so happy to announce that I am not a prisoner in my home any longer!  The mosquitos are not partying all up around my house anymore. The standing water up the road has finally dried up and now we are back to the normal population of the pesky shits which now I can handle.  Also on the bug front the cicadas are quiet which means they have all done the dirty and died.  So until next time…later bugs.  I can actually hear myself think outside now and have realized that what I do think inside my head doesn’t add up to a pile of beans and it’s all random bullshit.  

I have to say that this summer break has been a good one thus far.  The kids have been great and we have had fun.  They have been huge helpers around the house and we have had minimal fighting.  They are actually getting along nicely for the most part which makes me extremely happy and less of a drunk.  We have kept busy with running around and spending the majority of our time poolside at my dad’s.  It’s time for a fun kid outing here soon like a trip to Beech Bend which is a big amusement/water park, the aquariums in Chattanooga or something.  Time to start planning that one.  I am really hoping that B comes to his senses and realized that we need to visit Key West sometime this summer, just me and him.     That is wishful thinking seeing that we need a new roof and a bunch of other not so fun house crap.  Hey, a girl can wish right?

I want to take a sec and send a huge shout out to the girls that are participating in our care package exchange.  Thank you all so very very much for my packages last month.  They were all so neat and thoughtful and most of all FUN!  Thank you again, you girls Rock my world.

So to all you girls:

Rock your Friday!

Peace.

 

Mind Blowing

Let me just start this post by saying my husband and kids rock my world in every single way possible.  We had gotten home from dinner and it was time for presents.  First up, E’s present, I got a rolling pin.  This is awesome because I don’t own a rolling pin, I don’t need one very often but a few weeks ago I did and when it was time to roll out the dough I had to improvise by using a drinking glass.  That didn’t work out to well.  Now when that recipe makes it’s round back to the table, I will kick it’s ass with my new rolling pin!  Next up W’s present, I am now a proud owner of Call of Duty 4, Modern Warfare.  The shoot’em up games are new in our household.  We started with Halo 3 and now are on Halo Reach.  Love these games and I am on the verge of needing therapy.  The difference between Halo and Call of Duty is in Halo you are shooting and killing aliens of some sort, in Call of Duty you are killing humans.  I have a very uneasy feeling about this.  Yes I am a whimp.  Finally it was time for B’s present, he handed me a bag with a nicely wrapped box inside.  I pull it out and start to open it up.  All I can see is a white box as I tear at the paper.  I tear off the last of the paper and it’s still just a white box…I flip it over and this happened…

Yes, he managed to blow my mind!  It was an iPad!  He got me an iPad!  No way!  I flipped out just a bit.  Totally was blind sided by this gift, I was not expecting it in any way.  I was expecting a new cutting board if you want to know the truth.     B wins the best gift of the year award!  I love you B!  You rock my world!

On to the next order of business….Today is my sister’s Birthday!  My lovely little sister has officially entered the world of the 30′s.  Ha-Ha!  *said like the Simpson’s character*

I can’t believe my little sister is 30, that is mind blowing in itself.  She is the best sister in the world and now she is old..old…old.  I feel very fortunate to have a sister that I am close to, that I consider my best friend and that I know will be there for me through anything. To you sister…Happy Birthday!

Love you Linds!

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go play on my iPad!

 

Friday’s Survival Sarcasm!

It’s time people for Friday’s Survival Sarcasm!  After the morning I had I need it!  I awoke to my daughter staring at me at 6am whispering “Mom”. I open my eyes and she says to me “Devo (the dog) puked and pooped all over the living room”.  Fucking peachy.  Good flipp’n morning to me, to me, to me!  Thanks to someecards.com and bluntcards.com.

Let’s do this…

I'm going to train my kids to fetch me a beer this summer

Just say'n

In other words...

I thought it was ibs, but nope it's just glamour & it sparkles

It calls everyday..I always answer.

As always…

Rock your Friday!