Last night I received a phone call from a friend from back home. She is going through a difficult time right now, she lost her dad suddenly just over a month ago. Her and I are friends on facebook of course and her status updates crush my heart at times because I know exactly what she is going through from her head to her heart. She contacted me through facebook saying she knew I would know what she is going through and if I had any advice for her. I was touched. I told her to call me or the message would be a novel. She did. We talked for over an hour about her struggles, her emotions, her anger, her heart. I told her it would get better. When you lose someone like a parent that is the last thing you want to hear. I know this from experience. Someone would tell me that I wanted to punch them in the face. I told her I know how it makes you feel when you hear this but to know it is the truth. It won’t be better tomorrow, it won’t be better next month, it might not even be better in a year but eventually it does. It took me 2 years after my mom passed for it “to be better”. I reassured her that I did not want to scare her with this information because her time will be different than mine, but it will happen. You must be strong but you must let yourself grieve…deeply. That is why it took me so long because although I did grieve I didn’t let myself grieve deeply for almost 2 years. I was too busy being strong for everyone else, being a mother and wife to look into myself and deal with the pain. I look back and the 2 years that I was a walking robot, numb and just going through the motions and it is a blur. A complete blur. That is not healthy. You must dig deep within yourself and let it out, let it go. Not let go of the person, the memories, and the love but let go of the anger, the hurt, the pain of your loss. That is what gets in you and eats you up inside, it’s what makes you numb. Everyone has their own timeline when dealing with a loss, for some it’s easy to get through and for some it crushes them down to where they can’t function. You have to find a balance. You have to take care of yourself, you have to deal with what is inside of you to move on.
She has been struggling with the fact that no one knows what she is going through. They say they can assume but really, unless you have been through it yourself, you don’t know. What makes her and I’s stories unique is that we lost our parents when they were still young and very suddenly. It’s not that our grandmas passed away after a full life of 80 years. No, our parents were in their 50′s with grandbabies, with their own kids that still needed them. People don’t understand the hole that is created in your heart when this happens.
Through the entire phone call I could relate to every single word she said. I had been there, I had felt the pain, I had felt the anger. I have been through wanting to shut the world out because you don’t want to hear what they have to say from it’s going to get better to everyday comments in a conversation about other people’s parents who are still with them. You can become very bitter towards people. It’s a hard thing to do at the time but you have to learn how to turn a cheek and smile and nod. It’s easier said than done when you are grieving but you have to learn how to do it.
As we were getting off the phone I told her to call me anytime, whether it was to just talk about everyday life, to vent, to cry or to scream, my phone was always on. I told her to take care of herself, to make sure to let herself grieve. I reassured her that it is ok to cry, it’s ok to scream and hate the world but just not to let the hate consume her. I told her that still after 6 years I still cry on random days, I still cry on her birthday, on certain holidays. It’s ok to do that and not to ever let herself think differently.
She said to me “I’m putting your number in my phone as ‘My Angel’ because you truly are my angel”.
I got goose bumps and cried.
Wednesday was a very very sad day..it was the day we bid farewell to one of my favorite blogs. Miss Firecracker has put her blog on hold for the time being. This makes me sad because it was one of my favorites, it was the first blog I read every morning and gave me my morning boost to face the world each day. It made me laugh, it made me smile, it made me cock my head to the side and think “WTF!” Her blog was one of the first I came across when I first came to the blogging world and I loved it from the beginning. She is my…”Cosmic Twin”. Thankfully through our blogs we have become friends on the outside of the blog-o-verse, a friendship was made that I hold dear. I spent Wednesday in mourning, locked in my bedroom dressed in black with a bottle of Vodka. To the Firecraker blog..I tip my forty. Okay Okay enough of all the mushy mushy, let’s send her off in the right way! Thank you Someecards.com and bluntcard.com for always having a card saying what is on my mind.
To you Miss Firecracker..Your blog will be missed…
To all that never read Firecracker’s blog while she was here..I am sorry that a part of you will always feel empty.
Rock Your Friday!
Always Keep Rock’n!!
Left off Tuesday at Wednesday late afternoon…..
We played blackjack till 6:30 and then scrambled up to our room to get ready. We were outside waiting for them by 6:50, we are fucking champs!
They roll up. It’s time to meet my girl Thy! I’m so excited!!!!! Blogging/twitter buddies coming alive in real life!! STOKED! And no they aren’t serial killers because I’m here today! Double Score. That was a joke of course. But they didn’t try to murder us, butt rape us or take us to a dark alley so they are cool. heehee.
We hop in the car and immediately start chatting it up like old friends. Mr. T takes off driving like a mad cab driver taking us through parking garages and back streets (this is where I thought maybe we would end up in a dark alley ) and we end up at Ceasar’s Palace somehow. I’m not questioning it, I’m just happy to be alive. hahahaha!
We are going to see Absinthe. We grab a beer and get in line, talking it up, sharing pictures and stories. I LOVE these people! It’s time to head inside.
Sorry the pic is so dark, it’s all Mr. T’s fault!
The show starts and 2 minutes in it’s already better than the Criss Angel show. It’s like an old traveling circus show. The humor is rude and crude and PERFECT! The acts start and they were amazing! A guy stacking chairs up to the top of the tent and climbed them, girls topless besides their pasties, 4 guys climbing each other, 2 guys balancing each other, a guy and girl on roller skates spinning each other like crazy and a tight rope act. ALL this with no net or safety harnesses and we were 10 feet from the stage! My face hurt from laughing so hard and my heart almost stopped beating a couple of times! The show was hands down the BEST!! What makes it even better than the BEST is seeing it with Thy and Mr. T!!
After the show we headed down to Fremont Street. It is like stepping back in time, the feel of the old casinos (which scared me just a bit), the lights, and the people. There was a band playing out on the street so we stopped for a beer and a listen.
You can zipline down Fremont Street, the guys were all about it and Thy jumped on board with the thinking she was going to die. haha! 4 can zipline at the same time so Thy got cocky and was all about winning. Us girls didn’t have a chance against the guys. Why? Because we are tiny little things so the guys have weight on their side. Turds. B was the first off, you could here him hooting and hollering the whole way down. Mr. T was close behind him while Thy and I came in 3rd and 4th. It was awesome! It was their first time ziplining on Fremont so it was really cool to get to do that with them.
Soon after we ziplined I turned into a poophead. All of a sudden didn’t feel so hot. It could have been the fact that I drank in the afternoon, only ate one meal that day, and the heat. I was feeling rough and lost my gusto. I felt awful because well I felt awful and was putting a damper on the evening. :( Next trip out I will make it up to Thy and Mr. T, I promise! I talked up so much we are going to party hardy and here I was feeling like poo and ready to hit the room. We walked around for a bit more and then headed back to hotel.
Even though the end of the night ended with me feeling rough we had a fabulous time all night with Thy and Mr. T. They are hands down 2 of the coolest, nicest, wonderful, most genuine people out there. I am ecstatic that we got to meet them and I am pretty sure it’s safe to say that this friendship will go on for a very very long time. It was so cool to get to know them outside of the blogosphere and twitter.
Our trip even ended with them! They offered to give us a ride to the airport the next day. They picked us up and guess who was with them? 13!!!!!!! I got to me the one and only 13! She is such a beautiful, polite and sweet thing. I almost put her in my suitcase to bring her home with me but Mr. T was watching in the rear view mirror. Damn it! The ride to the airport there was talk about them making a trip to Nashville! WOO-HOO! I am holding you guys to it!!!! There were many hugs goodbye and I was sad to leave. I could have spent a whole day with them and would be happy just hanging out talking. We will do that next time!
So to you Thy and Mr. T,
Thank you so much for taking time out to spend with us. We had a blast and can’t wait to do it again. You guys rock! Thank you for the ride to the airport and I can’t wait to see you guys again!!! I am holding you to your Nashville visit. Next time I promise NOT to drink in the afternoon and I will eat all my meals that day so I don’t turn into a poophead and ruin the fun! So until the next real life meet up I will see you in Twitterville and the blogosphere!
Love you guys!!!
ps. Mr. T – Remember tonguing is spelled T-O-N-G-U-I-N-G. heehee
Best trip to Vegas EVER!!!
Yesterday went to shit real quick but it did have it’s good moments. The good…the kids were awesome, all day long. E even took it upon herself to clean her room to perfection and when her room was done she cleaned her brother’s. I felt her head, checked birthmarks, drew blood and sent it off to be tested and yep, this is my daughter who did this. I was shocked but very happy.
We used to have 2 Krogers here in town, one on my end of town and the other on the other end. My Kroger was wonderful, it was close, it was never crowded, the employees were so nice, they remembered me and my kids and always offered help. The other one is awful. The parking lot is so jacked up the way it is laid out that it is just one big cluster fuck of crap, everyone that works there hates their life for some reason, and all the customers are shit heads. It’s never a fun experience. I miss my Kroger so much. Yesterday I went to asshole Kroger for the first time since mine closed in May. Nothing there has changed. The aisles are so narrow that you are always in someone’s way or they are in yours because of the stand alone displays they feel necessary to place in the narrow aisles. Yesterday numerous times, as I was passing by one of these displays and someone would have to pause for me to get by I would always say “excuse me” with a smile. What would I get back? A look that would kill me over dead. I got ONE…ONE response with a smile. What is wrong with people?? Is life just that bad? I mean I hate it there too but for the love of god I’m not going to be a complete asshole to everyone. Geesh!
I had to cancel a hotel reservation that I made with a package deal through them for a family wedding that we are attending in September. I found out after the fact of making reservation through Expedia, that a block of rooms at the same hotel were reserved for wedding guests at a discounted rate but I need to go straight through the hotel to be able to get the discount. The first call went smoothly, I thought. They said the cancellation was no problem at all but they were showing an error with my card for the refund. My first thought..Interesting because there was no ‘error’ to be found when you were charging it a few weeks ago. She assured me the refund would take place and a confirmation refund receipt would be emailed to me within 5 to 10 minutes. An hour later…..Nothing. I make call number 2 to see what the hold up is with my email and come to find out that the error still exists. After being placed on hold and every 5 minutes the chick getting back on the line to let me know they are still “working” on it, it’s now almost 45 minutes later and she decides that I have been holding long enough and once again reassures me that I will get my refund and should have an email by days end. Umm…It’s 7:30am the next day and guess what..still no email. They are messing with my money. I’m not happy. So what I will be doing later is making yet another phone call. Yay me.
I received a phone call yesterday from someone and during the call I was reminded of what a shit head a certain person is. I had forgotten about a certain “thing” that this person did which is odd because of how much it effects our life. Out of sight, out of mind I guess. Once I was reminded of it I was instantly furious all over again. Grrrr. This person needs a swift kick in the butt and needs to be reminded how to be a decent human, unfortunately that is completely impossible. This person will never be a decent human being, it’s been too long. I need to do an entire venting post on that and might take up an offer that was given to me yesterday to use their blog as an anonymous venting place. :)
That about sums up the craptastic day that was Tuesday. Fuck you Tuesday and all your glory bullshit.
I am happy to report that the funk has been lifted off of my sister, or as she put it on my fb “I know I have been a turd much as of late and I promise to put down the turds and I will meet you out at dad’s” and she is back in action. We will be meeting at our dad’s later this morning for a little sun, swimming and much catching up. This is awesome because I was starting to twitch from withdrawals.
There was more to post about but I just looked at the time and I have to roll!
Alright I got a bunch of nothing today but a bunch of random crap so here we go. If this hurts your brain I apologize in advance.
-My husband was eaten by the Snore Monster last night which moved me to the couch. That monster is LOUD and annoying.
-The fact that people actually spend their money on Britney Spears tickets blows my mind. Why in the hell would anyone buy tickets to watch someone lip sync? If you do you are a dumbass and if you are buying them for your daughter you should be slapped…twice.
-My cat is now known as Daisy the Ninja Cat. You walk through a room and she comes out of no where and attacks your ankles. This is not cool when you have hot coffee in your hand.
-It’s been almost 2 weeks since we have been at the pool at my Dad’s because of weather and other going ons. Today it is blue sky’s and hot so of course the pool is out of commission. FML. I need sun, the kids need to be worn out..Its about my Sanity people, Sanity!
-Now that our trip is planned I have the perfect excuse to go shopping! Oh yes, this girl needs new shoes. Like how I used the word need? Yeah I need a new pair of shoes because my 158 pair that I already own aren’t Vegas worthy. I also need a dress and some shirts. Yes I need them.
-Chances are that when I do go shopping I won’t find anything because I will be looking for specific items. Why is this always the case? When you are broke or just out for the hell of it you can find a shit ton of stuff you want but when you go on a mission you can’t find shit. I must start now because multiple trips may be needed.
-I am tired of looking at my kids with their 4,379 tattoos on them. We are going to have a scrub fest today, their skin is going to be raw and red.
I will leave you with a funny video. I may have posted it before, I can’t remember but it is one of my favorites so I will post it again. The amount of time that my sister and I have spent quoting this video is disturbing and makes me question our brains.
I have a new blog that I
stalk follow now on a daily basis, 27 & Counting. Nicole is a breath of fresh air in the blogosphere and I enjoy her blog immensely. She is a sweet tea lovin country girl from Kentucky living in Texas with her husband who is a secret agent or something mysterious like that but also a roper. You can tell by her words in her posts that she is just an all around genuine human. I love that! Plus she promised me a spot in a rocking chair on her front porch with sweet tea in a mason jar waiting for me! SCORE!
During my morning
stalk stop by of her blog this am I noticed that she had won an award! You go Girl! You deserve it! As I am reading and thinking Awwe! It’s so sweet, I notice she has passed along the award to fellow bloggers. Guess who was one of them? Go on Guess!
Your’s Truly…ME! Fnkybee!
Uh Huh..Do a little Dance!
I won….Drum Roll Please…..
1. Thank and Link the giver of the award.
Nicole..thank you, You rock my world. Get that Sweet Tea ready!
2. Share 7 Radom Facts about yourself.
1. I never wanted kids, I couldn’t stand them. I asked my mom at the age of 18 if I could get my tubes tied. This is quite funny seeing that I have 2 of them now and was the President of our local MOMS Club Chapter for 2 years.
2. I think one reason I love tattoos so much is the pain. If there comes the day that I can’t take the pain anymore, I’m officially old.
3. W was birthed naturally. This was not by choice and it hurt..really bad. I had an epidural needle in my back when I unknowingly pushed. Needless to say the needle was taken out and it was game on.
4. I hit rock bottom in my younger years and dug myself out of the hole. I think that is the sole reason why I appreciate every single thing that I have in my life now. You don’t know what you have until it is all gone.
5. When I sing I sound like a dying cow. Just ask my kids.
6. I was meant to be a princess or filthy rich. That is so shallow of me but I could rock it like no ones business.
7. If I was a princess I would want B to be my prince that rescues me from the evil witch. (gag me with a spoon, right?)
3. Pass the Award to 10 Blog Buds.
1. My latin lover Marina over at Marina Sleeps. – She rocks the missing latin in me.
2. My cosmic twin Jen over at Firecracker3′s Musings – She’s my cosmic twin of course & we share the same brain over the span of states
3. My Las Vegas Lover Thy over at Thypolar’s Life Uncensored - She’s my secret girlfriend and I love her
4. Thoughtsie over at Thoughts Appear – She rocks my world on a daily basis
5. The Soapbox – She tells it like it is. That’s Right!
6. Pkitass over at All I know is This – She is A-Mazing & has a coffee stealing cat named Chococat
7. Ann over at Waxing Lyrical – My Canadian friend that rocks my world when she posts
8. My Las Vegas Lover’s Husband over at Hacking Vegas – he has to share whether he likes it or not! AND his blog is awesome.
9. Tom B. Taker over at Shouts From the Abyss – He’s awesome and says poop a lot
10. Don’t Make that Face - I have no idea what her name is but she is Hil-arious
So there you have it people. My award, my random facts and my list of award winning blogging buds.
Rock on with your bad selfs!
I don’t know where to start and this is going to be all over the place. So here’s the deal.
-For the last couple of days W has been saying his throat was hurting. He wouldn’t complain all the time, he would mention it here or there and he was acting just fine so I didn’t really pay any mind to it. (that’s excellent parenting I know) Yesterday he said it again a couple of times and then came up with his own diagnosis for it. His thought is it hurts because the little punching bag, as he calls it, in the back of his throat was stuck to one side. I looked and it was where it was supposed to be. After my shoot down of his diagnosis he went to B and had him look. B got out the flash light and looked. Next thing I hear is “Mom needs to take a look at this.” I look and think Ah Shit! W has white crap all over his tonsils. This usually means one thing…Strep. Peachy. If this is so, this means he has been walking around with Strep for 4 days now. We are off to the doctor here shortly so see if I’m right. I am currently taking bets on what the outcome is.
-Now where did the strep come from? I bet it came from Indiana.
-B and W took off to Indiana on Wednesday to stay at his parents house for the night. I get a phone call Wednesday night from B saying he has already had his fill, he had been there only a few hours. My thoughts exactly and this is why I declined the invitation to go. The next day he gets home and starts filling me in on the going ons up there. Always drama which is not drama to anyone else but us because it’s such the norm up there. Reason #598 why I’m glad we don’t live up there any longer. He goes on to tell me about how everyone talks not only around the kids but to the kids. The profanity used towards the kids is just disgusting. This comes from all..the grandparents, the parents, the aunts and uncles. Reason #3 I’m glad we don’t live up there. If we lived up there I can guarantee my kids wouldn’t be around this very often, then I would be labeled the shitty snob that won’t bring her kids around her family. Reason #587 why I’m glad we don’t live up there.
-My coffee tastes amazing this am.
-I think they should change the spelling of Wednesday to Wendsday just because after 30 years of spelling it 95% of the time I spell it wrong the first go around. My fingers want to spell it the way it sounds.
-Saturday night I went downtown with my stepmom, her friend that was in from Indiana and my sister. First let me just say that my stepmom is amazing and looks amazing. She got all dolled up in a cute little summer dress with her tan and if you were to guess her age she looked 40 not 53. She’s one hot mama! We had a ball showing her friend downtown. We did the rounds of the honky tonks and of course started with Tooties and did the loop. I think it’s safe to say that her friend had a good time seeing that she was passed out in my back seat on the way home. ha!
-I think I had a twin walking around Nashville Friday night. I had 3 people stop me Saturday night and say that they saw me Friday night. One dude even told me he saw me at the Embassy Suites. Umm…No, not unless you were peering through my window Friday night and watched me sit on the couch. Weird.
-It’s never a full night out without an argument. My sister and I are standing in the front part of Paradise Park when two toolbags walk up and first one asks if I was at the Embassy Suites the night before. We get through the whole ‘That was not me, I wasn’t there” thing and the next thing I know is my sister is arguing with one of the tools. Not real sure what the hell started it but I hear my sister calling this dude a douche to his face and telling him to go on. Then the other one wants to get involved and she is calling him a toolbag and telling him to walk away. He did the other did not, he wanted a fight. So he is telling her that she will never find anybody that can stand her, she will be single forever blah blah blah. She’s telling him to fuck off and that he is a complete douche and toolbag and needs to go back to where ever he came from because Nashville has enough idiots already to go around. I’m standing there with my beer in awwe because it was pretty funny and I love to hear my sister tell someone how it is. Then the dude started to get completely out of line with her and I put myself in between them and finally calmed it down and got him to walk away. Total buzz kill.
-I’ve had my fill of downtown for the rest of the summer. I will stay in my little town and frequent the hole in the wall instead and drink beer for $2.50 versus the $4 you pay downtown. Plus I would much rather be out with B surrounded by rednecks and bikers than be downtown with a bunch of Trendy McTrendersons and dumbasses anymore. If that is a sign of age, I’m completely fine with it.
I always have the urge to hit the “This post is super-awesome” button over there on the right. What if I do and it’s really not super-awesome? What if no one else thinks it’s super-awesome? That would suck.
I just found out that one of my girlfriends is pregnant via facebook. What the hell? No phone call, not even a text to tell me this type of news? Is this what it comes down to…telling huge news like this on facebook? Another reason that facebook can suck my ass. I was a little hurt by this.
I am counting down hours no make that minutes or even seconds to Saturday night. I am headed out with my Stepmom and her friend that is coming into town from Indiana. Last week and weekend was long. Long I say! B worked non stop for 6 days straight leaving the house before 6am and not returning till anywhere from 7 to 10:30. It was just me and the kids….the whole time. Mama needs a break. Mama needs a huge break. Saturday can’t get here fast enough. I need a drink.
What is sad is that I have resorted to my stepmom and her friends to go out with this time around because mine all suck. Yes people it is true. I need new friends or better yet if my friends that live in my computer or in Twitterville would just move closer to me my life would be awesome. Unfortunately I can’t make that happen. I need super human powers damnit.
I would make the best damn princess in the world.
I need people to come clean my house. Hints, the princess reference. I also need the kids to not touch anything after the house has been cleaned because it seems that I clean and you can’t tell 5 minutes later.
I resorted to watching Cartoon Network last night because there was nothing on the 400+ channels that I get. That’s sad. My son would have been proud.
B and W leave for Indiana tomorrow for a night. E and I will be here and we have decided to have a girls only slumber party. I have a feeling she will be in my bed sleeping with me punching and kicking me all night long. Good times, I can’t wait.
\]]]]]]]]]]]]w333333 <—- the cat decided she needed to say something.
I twittered something yesterday and got a kinda shitty reply back. My first thought..”well that wasn’t necessary and don’t be a twittercunt”. Twittercunts suck,they can be male or female. When you make the decision to put your 2 cents in on something that wasn’t directly said towards you and your 2 cents is shitty, negative, or assbagish you are a twittercunt and I have a flying urge to unfollow you. Especially when that was the first thing ever said to me by this follower.
Lesson of the day: Don’t be a TwitterCunt.