Survival Sarcasm, Mom’s Day Style

For today’s edition of Survival Sarcasm I am dedicating the whole post to Mother’s Day.  God knows us moms need as much survival tools as possible….and vodka!  Thanks again to Someecards.com for supplying our Survival Sarcasm!  Now let’s do this.

Here’s to you Rock’n Moms everywhere!

Happy Mother’s Day!

As always, Rock your Friday!

Friday’s Survival Sarcasm..Rnd 2! Easter & Earth Day.

I seriously just can’t help myself today!  When I did the first post today of our Survival Sarcasm, someecards.com was down.  I relied on google for our cards this morning.  Now it is back up and I have full access!  Let’s do this.

In Honor of Earth Day!

Now Back to Easter!

BAM!

Friday’s Survival Sarcasm! Easter Style.

What day is it?  Friday!  What does that mean?  Survival Sarcasm!  What holiday is coming up?  Easter!

So what does this mean?  Survival Sarcasm..Eater Style!

We need all the help we can with that sneaky rabbit running around!

Here we go!

I have to say that when I first started this post this morning I almost had a heart attack.  I went to someecards.com and their server is down!  I just about fainted, I started freaking out!  What are we going to do without our Survival Sarcasm I thought!  Well, thanks to google everything ended up being just fine.  Shew Wee!  That was a close one!

As Always..Rock your Friday!

It’s Friday and Time for your Survival Sarcasm.

So I guess I have a theme going now for Fridays since this will be the 3rd Friday in a row that I have posted sarcastic ecards from someecards.com.  Let’s get a-crack’n.

I don’t celebrate St. Patty’s Day but here is to the ones who do and did….

Groddy

How many people are doing this today?

..Now on to March Madness..

On to the cards for our everyday lives..

 

Rock your Friday People!

Sunshine and Smiles.

It’s amazing what some sunshine, a good friend and a new outfit will do for your attitude.  It makes you smile and puts an extra spring in your step.

A few things that makes me smile on any given day:

• Spending an afternoon with a good friend and making her smile.
• Pretty toes freshly pedicured.
• Rocking a new outfit.
• Walking through a room to be stopped suddenly by my husband for a random hug and being told that I am beautiful and loved.
• A great fitting pair of jeans, a good purse and awesome boots.
• flip flops
• Coming home to find that my dog didn’t chew up anything and make a mess.
• Sunshine after too many dab and dreary days.
• A full tank of gas with the feeling “I can go anywhere”
• Closing my eyes and smelling the ocean.
• Hearing a random and sincere ‘thank you’ from my son.
• My kid’s smiles and laughter.
• My daughter’s random questions.
• Watching my daughter’s sense of humor grow and come alive. (i’m doomed)
• Listening to my kids feed off of each other with their style of humor.
• A great conversation with my sister.
• Hearing ‘I love you’
• My daughter breaking out the scale and saying “Mommy lets see what you weigh”  You step on with your eyes closed, open one up and slowly look down and immediately think “Hell yeah!”
• When everything just ‘goes right’ throughout an entire day.
• Having a part in making a complete stranger smile.
• My husband.

Yesterday was an awesome day.

The sun was shining and I got to take my friend for her birthday pedicures and spend a couple of hours with her catching up.  It was a great time and we have beautiful toes now.  I took off next to Walmart to get some much needed household supplies.  I hate that place but I have to admit it was a smooth trip for the most part, (I even had 2 employees smile and say hello!  This NEVER happens) until I got to the check out and the woman in front of me had more crap in her cart than I have ever seen.  It took for.ev.er.  I think she bought everything in the Christmas clearance aisle.  But when it was finally my turn the old check out lady was in a terrific mood and wanted to cut up with me..this never happens!  3 happy employees in Walmart on the same day…Did they give out happy drugs before they went on the clock?  Both kids walked in from school with huge smiles on their faces and were in excellent moods.  I had the kids go through all their video games to see if there were any they were tired of to trade in at GameStop.  We had a whole bag full when all said and done.  We took off to Gamestop to trade them in and get a new game.  I love GameStop.  I know almost all the guys that work in there and they love me.  (I obviously spend way too much time in there with my kids)  I dropped the games off at the counter and went to check out the games with the kids.  The guy comes to tell me how much credit we have and it’s $151.00!!!!  WHAT!  They are running a promotion right now and you get 50% trade in.  SCORE!

We are the Trade In Champions.

*We are the champions – my friends
And we’ll keep on fighting – till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
‘Cause we are the champions – of the world -*

We walked out of there with 2 brand new games, a used game and pre ordered my son’s new Pokemon game and still have a little credit left.  My son is ecstatic, needless to say.  Now he has to wait till March to get it.  Oh the anticipation!

My day ended with the biggest hug from my son and the most genuine thank you.  I love that kid!

Today I am determined to have another wonderful day!  I have a lunch date with a friend and a girls night out tonight in my hot boots!  Oh yeah baby!

Let’s do this!

WORD.

 

My Monday Ramblings: Upcoming events and tattoos.

I am happy to report that my house is now void of all Christmas…ahhhh….wonderful.  Back to normal finally.  I finished my puzzle yesterday finally.  I thought my eyes were going to cross but I was on a mission to get it done.  When all finished I had 3 pieces missing!  Grrrrrr!  So frustrating and the thing is I thought I guarded it with my life.  Nope..obviously I failed.  I have the puzzle bug again and can’t wait to start another one but this time if someone so much as breathes in the direction of the dining room they will get zapped by the laser security system I am gong to install.

This will be my dining room once a new puzzle is purchased.

This winter break has me all out of whack.  I have been staying up way too late and sleeping in way too long.  Wednesday is going to kill me!  That is when the kids go back to school.  I haven’t stayed up so late on so many consecutive nights in I don’t know how long and sleeping past 8am for more than one morning in a row..What!  That hasn’t happened in years.  So my alarm going off at 5:40am is not going to be pleasant.  I have been staying up until midnight every night for the past week, with a boost of energy coming around 10.  That is just absurd.  I am usually inserting toothpicks into my eyelids at that point to keep them open.  I know I know..I am just a party animal.

A couple of things I have to look forward to this week:  I am taking my bestie to get pedicures on Wednesday or Thursday for her birthday pampering that was on the 28th.  Better late than never.  Then on Friday another friend and I are taking her out to dinner and then for some tasty beverages.  Can’t wait..much long over due.  The original 3 will be back together once again for a much needed night out.

Another thing I have to look forward to this month is a great dear friend is coming to see me on the 14th!  I am stoked!  We have been friends since our Freshman year in high school and I haven’t seen her in 2 years besides the skype screen.  I love this girl and miss her so much.  She is one of the 5 that I would trust my life with..that’s scary now that I am thinking about it.     I love her dearly and can’t wait to spend 5 days with her and her kiddos.  She and her husband have been playing with the idea of moving down here when a manager’s position opens up within his company in the area.  If this happens watch out!  Good lord..can we say trouble????  She is one that knows me like that back of her hand, we can finish each other’s sentences, know what the other is thinking without a word, have the same views, and I would trust her with anything..damn I love that girl!  I can’t wait to see her.  I just hope B is up for babysitting one night so I can take her out on the town.

I was reminded this am that I will be seeing Rick Springfield once again in concert.  Oh Joy.  (I mean that with love)  My bestie loves him and he is coming to town once again in the month of February.  I went two years ago with her on Valentines Day to see him.  I am an AWESOME friend and date     so I agreed to go yet again to see him with her.  I love me some Jesse’s Girl but that is the only song I know really.  He puts on a great show, I will give him that for a 60 year old and he is still good looking and easy on the eyes.  The people watching is what makes this for an entertaining night.  You want to talk about some crazy women!  Good lord!  They go nuts for this guy!   I told her this morning that Rick Springfield is slowly bypassing the people that I want to see in concert with the times I have seen him.  Rick Springfield 2  Justin Timberlake 0. *sniff*  (going on hotness on stage..JT I would eat alive if put in a room with him, bestie of course would eat Rick alive if given the chance)

 

The tattoos are just a plus...Nom nom nom...eat him alive I tell ya!

Which brings me to another topic…tattoos.  B was not pleased with my last tattoo on my wrist and I vowed not to get anymore.  Well so much for that.  The other night as we were sitting at the bar we started talking about tattoos.  I told B that I know I made that vow but I have got to get my back finished so it looks right.  He was cool with this thank goodness.  I also squeezed in that I wanted another on my shoulder to cover up an old one and he was down.  He is one with not one tattoo, never thought about it, doesn’t ‘get it’.  So I thought.  He told me that he had started thinking about tattoos and has an idea for one if he ever decides to get one.  WHAT?  Come again?  I’m sorry but I don’t think I heard you correctly!  Huh?  Yes people he knows what he would get if that time ever came.  That is ah-mazing and made me oh so happy.  Let’s just go ahead and bump you up to a whole new level of hotness in the stratosphere.  B with a tattoo…oh my god!  Nom, nom, nom…  If I can get him hooked on tattoos he may never be allowed to put clothes on again.  Not that I want clothes on him now…I’m just saying.  So I am going to visit the guy that did my wrist to see what he can draw up for me for my back and get it scheduled.  I am SO excited!  More tattoos…Yes please!

Bare area on the left is what is going to be filled in and maybe get my sun and ankh covered.

I am going to leave you with my favorite video.  Eminem’s Love the Way You Lie…It’s HOT.

NYE Weather Forecast: You Will get Wet.

The forecast for New Years Eve for Nashville:

You are all screwed….Take an umbrella if your plans have you outside.

The timeline:  You will be slightly damp around 8pm and at 11:59 you better hold on to your hats because you are going to fly the hell away in tornados and storms.  But on the bright side it’s supposed to be 65 degrees.

I can't wait to be in a crowd of 50,000 people with a chance of one of these coming!

Super.  I can’t wait to be flown away to the land of Oz.  Good thing I was thinking about moving anyways.

Who wouldn't want to live there! There's Rainbows!!!!

 

It just figures since this year we are going downtown to watch the Guitar Drop.  We usually stay away from cluster fucks of people especially for something like this.  We either spend time with friends or stay home.  Again this year B’s company is supplying all the power for the shindig and he needs to be down there and scored all access passes.  Which means we can get anywhere we need to, park very very close, and have access special areas sans all the crazies.  This is one reason I agreed to go.  It will be fun, there are concerts scheduled all day we can people watch and be a part of ringing in the new year with 50,000 of our closest friends.  It’s one of those things that I can say I did and be content for years to come without the urge to do it again.  Cool.  I need a raincoat and some goulashes.  I am kicking myself in the butt for never buying a pair of the cute rainboots that are out there now, I have looked at them a million times and thought to myself “do I really need a pair?”  Nah, I’m good.  Well shit!  I really need a pair now.  Damn it for being a cautious shopper during those times.  What the heck is wrong with me!

 

I super duper need these now.

 

B and I went out to dinner last night and celebrated the new year at the local bar since tonight there will be no tasty beverages for a couple of reasons.  1. I don’t want to drink and have to fight people to use a port-a-potty every 10 minutes 2. he is “working” so he can’t drink anyway 3. I really don’t want to be hammered around all those people.  4. In one way shape or form I will be there representing his company too and I must behave.  So last night we had our New Year’s tasty beverages.  I only had 3 shots and 2 beers so I thought I was good to go until we got home.  Talk about being hit with the liquor brick.  When we got up this morning he said “how do you feel?” I could only answer one way “I don’t know yet”.  Well time has passed and I have a bit of hangover.  We started to recap our tasty beverage consumption and he said you only had 2 beers and 2 shots.  I corrected him and said I had 3 shots, he did not join me for the last one since his 7 crown and cokes were taking control of his brain at that point.  Then he reminded me on how big our shots were and how much PJ the bartender loves us.  I said ok then I had 6 shots and he corrected me that her shots are more like 3.  Well crap that makes the total 2 beers and 9 shots.  That explains why I made it out of the bathtub and to the bed and that is it last night.  Done.  Why do I think shots are such a good idea and red snapper shots at that.  A Red Snapper is Crown Royal, Amaretto, and Cranberry Juice.  That just sounds gross but it is quite tasty.  2011 resolution…No more Red Snappers, they are evil.  I need a shock collar or something so when I even think about a shot I get zapped.  I also need to be zapped when I reach for my phone after the Red Snappers.  Texting while drinking is a no no.

Now for what I think needs to go away with the ringing in of 2011.

K$sha..she needs to stop it, quit singing, you suck.  You are nothing but trash and I am ashamed that you are from the city I live in.

The radio stations need to find other musicians to play besides K$sha, Rihanna, and Katy Perry.  I do like Rihanna but good god!

Pajamma jeans-no one will wear these and if they do they need to be slapped

Red Snappers

Mean people and bad people.  Send them away to an island somewhere where they can be mean and do bad things to each other.

This new wrap garment thingy that I had the pleasure of seeing on TV yesterday.  It’s awful and I really wish I could remember the name of it to share.  It is hideous and retarded.

So on that note:

 

 

 

 

Back to reality in more way than one.

The Monday after Christmas always stinks.  It’s a big fat slap in the face back to reality.  What was the first thing I thought about this morning when my eyes popped open?  Paying bills.  I loathe paying bills and double time after Christmas.  I don’t know why, its the same as it always is, but it could be because while I am paying them I am looking at all the toys and gifts from Christmas still spread around the living room.  Ugh.  Also I have to go to the store so we can eat tonight and that means I have to get dressed and do normal things.  What do I want to do today?  I want to stay in my comfy clothes and play with the kids all day.  I feel like I haven’t really done that yet.  On Christmas I played hostess, yesterday my sons buddy came down so even though I played Clue with them and a couple of other things I feel like I still didn’t have ‘that time’ with them and today I have errands to run.  I think I just made up my mind though..we will go to the store and then have mandatory play time.  The nitty gritty cleaning and putting away will just have to wait until tomorrow.  I WILL play with my kids!

As we were sleeping last night my husband’s work phone started ringing at 3:30am.  I cringe every time I hear it, especially in the middle of the night.  It’s usually just a job call, they need a generator or a pump and he calls one of his guys to handle it and back to sleep he goes.  Not last night.  I don’t think he ever made it back to bed.  He came in to tell me bye this morning and I look over and it’s 5 something.  Which can be normal but I know how he works and today he wouldn’t of went in that early.  I checked my email when I got up and had one from him.  The call at 3:30am was a call from the alarm company telling him someone broke in….again.  His shop got robbed again and this time they took everything.  I fucking hate dickhead assholes that steal.  It’s usually lazy ass fucks that want everything for free and won’t get a god damn job.  His shop is in the hood first of all so his shop gets hit occasionally from time to time.  This is the 3rd time in 2 months and way more frequent then usual.  Holidays?  Yes. The first time they took some cable, cable has copper in it and that is why they take it, to sell the copper.  The 2nd time, which was earlier this month, they hot wired a damn steak body truck and filled it with all the cable they could find and stole the truck, cable, and one of his guys mini van (for the 2nd time..yes this guy has now had 2 vans stolen from his place of employment) that was parked in the gated lot for the night.  Fuckers!  This time I don’t have the details of everything they took besides…’everything’ as he put it.  My husband bought a mini dirt bike “for our son” (yeah right he just wanted one     a year ago and has kept it at the shop and him and the guys ride it around the lot for shits and giggles.  They took that too which tells me that got inside the shop and not just in the gated lot like usual.  ASSHOLES.  He is just sick to his stomach and most likely panicking a bit.  He has a huge job to do this week for the New Year’s Eve celebration downtown which involves many generators and miles of cable.  I just hope they didn’t take his generators.  They are worth millions.  If they did they are complete dumb fucks because they are big and green and have his company’s name plastered all over them.  It makes me so flipping mad when this shit happens and it makes me even more sick because of how it effects my husband.  I fucking hate assholes that do this shit.  Lazy ass fucks.  Go get a god damn job and get your shit honestly like the rest of us.  But no, you think you deserve everything…everything should be given to you and you shouldn’t have to work for a fucking thing.  Fuck you I say….FUCK YOU!  Low life fucking bottom scavengers.  You all should fucking rot…you are low life fucking scum.  You are too fucking lazy to work for what you want so you go and take shit from other people that worked hard to have what they have or in this case you steal from a company that needs these things that you take to do their job and the services they provide.  Fucking rot you douchebag fucknards.  I hope my husband’s company will wise up and realize they need to move the shop because obviously these assholes aren’t leaving the shop alone anytime soon.

 

 

We are all spoiled.

Well here I am, the day after Christmas and facing the after math of the controlled chaos that was yesterday.  It was fabulous which makes the looks of my house a bit more bearable.  My house looks like Santa’s workshop threw up toys and goodies all over the place and my kitchen looks like I had a 20 person party last night (the most people that was in my house yesterday was 7).  I will get to the clean up here in a bit but first my blog post and more playing with all the new toys with the kids.  The housework will just have to wait.

I am happy to report that our holidays went smoothy, were wonderful, filled with much love, happiness, smiles, laughter, food and wine.  I couldn’t have asked for anything better except that I wish my sister wouldn’t have had to work yesterday but at least she was here half of the day.  We even had our White Christmas!  The day started with the panic of my 5 year old coming into our bedroom at 5am saying she didn’t feel good.  Great I thought, she is going to be sick all day.  Between you and me I think she was fine and just wanted to get up to see if Santa had came, thank goodness she curled up in bed with us and went back to sleep until my son came in just before 7.  Now it’s show time.  I had to wake my daughter up and her response was “it’s too early to open presents”.  WHAT!  You have been staring at presents for 2 weeks now and asking everyday when you get to open them and now that it’s “the time” it’s too early??  Silly girl, get your hiney out of bed and lets Do This!  They sat around the presents looking, analyzing, and planning their attack.  W was beside himself to see his Xbox 360 w/ Kinect sitting there and the second E laid eyes on her Lalaloopsy doll she was all smiles.  After we had our coffee in hand, everyone’s brain was in working order, camera was turned on they got the “GO”.  And go they did.  The ripping the presents started and with each one they smiled.  That smile is the best thing ever and makes all the holiday stress worth it.  They made out like bandits.  My sister spoils them right along with us and puts her stuff out as Santa gifts too so the kids are just flat out rotten.  W made out with his xbox, games, arts supplies, board games, and a real bow and arrows, sea monkeys, clothes and other little things.  E made out with her mass amount of barbies and barbie furniture, pollies, Zoobles, games, clothes and other little things.  We all made out really, I was amazed when it was the adult’s turn to open their presents.  My sister had a wonderful Christmas with an array of different things, my husband made out with his pedal board and smoker among other little things.  When it was my turn to rip into mine I looked over at the mountain of gifts that had accumulated in my pile and was shocked.  I have to say I was crazily spoiled this Christmas and didn’t see it coming.  My husband got me a new lens for my camera and diamond earrings!  Now what makes the earrings such a surprise is that he doesn’t buy diamonds or ‘blood diamonds’ as he likes to call them.  This is only the 3rd time in 12 years that I have gotten diamonds from him.  The first being on our one year dating anniversary and the second being when I didn’t want to move to Georgia from Maryland with him he bought me a diamond necklace to help talk me into it I guess you could say.  I was shocked when I opened them to say the least.  They are huge!  I crack up every time I look in the mirror because I feel like I am big pimp’n with them!  haha!  My kids got me great gifts that included a snuggly blanket and very nice kitchen utensils and a few other things.  My sister spoiled me rotten with boots, a shirt, and a new purse.  Then there was the gift from her that brought tears to my eyes.  She got me a portfolio for my photographs with a hand written letter in it.   I love that girl.  We definitely were all spoiled this Christmas and everyone was uber happy!  The kids told us they had the best Christmas!

The day ended with wine and a great dinner with the family.  The dinner turned out perfect which is amazing seeing the buzz that I had come half way through the cooking time.  By that time the snow had started to fall once again, it was beautiful.  Dad and Susie had to head home right after dinner to feed the horses and get them in.  It wasn’t until they headed down the road that I got word on how bad the roads were getting.  I called them to let them know and Dad told me he had just slid sideways, I was a nervous wreck to say the least until I got the phone call that they made it home safely.  We ended our night with the kids playing the xbox until they were sweaty and pooped.

My husband was soon dead asleep on the couch, my kids were in bed and I spent the next hour and a half in the quiet having a little me time with the xbox.

It was a good day.

 

This is It! Big Fat Man in Red arrives tonight!

Ok kids this is it!!!  It’s Christmas Eve and the big fat man in red will be visiting tonight!  I am SO excited!  My kids are completely beside themselves with anticipation and have smiles galore this am.  My daughter’s first words this morning..”Only one more day!” as she takes one of the final rings off the tree.  We are already tracking santa via the NORAD Santa Tracker.  He was in North Korea the last time we checked.  If you go to the site and then click on the google earth tracker you can watch him fly with his reindeer and when he reaches his next destination you watch how quick he delivers the presents and watch the “presents delivered” counter go up!  So much fun!  The countdown is on!

We are headed out to my dads later today for our family Christmas with them and the kids have already asked a million times what our ETA is.  Another big questions is “Can we open presents as soon as we get there?”  No children, you must wait!     Hopefully today will wear them out so they are fast asleep soon after arriving back home tonight.  We are expecting a white Christmas when we wake up tomorrow morning!  The first one in 17 years here in our part of Tennessee!  I am excited because I have not seen a white Christmas since 2001!  My dad is not as excited..he thought he left all this white stuff up in Indiana when he moved.  I think he brought it with him.  He can’t complain too much because back home they have 8 inches of snow on the ground with another round coming tonight and tomorrow.  I’ll take an inch over 8 any day!

This is our first Christmas with them down here and I am uberly excited.  I am looking forward to spending the day with them today and them being here with us tomorrow.  I am just glad that they understood that we are set in our ways and spoiled by the fact that we don’t travel on Christmas day..hell we usually don’t even get dressed!  So when the time came to address this I was a bit nervous but my dad being the wonderful realistic man that he is said that’s the way it should be!  Yes sir!  He always hated having to do the run around on Christmas day, I hate that I am making him runaround again but this is different.  It’s not the in-laws or a million stops, its just one and he gets to be with his kids and grandkids.  I have a feeling there will be many tears shed from him and my step mom this year.  Who am I kidding?!?!  They have shed so many tears already we could fill an olympic size pool!  Just play “Tennessee Christmas” and watch the water flow!  hahaha!  God love’em the old saps!  I have the fridge stocked with Christmas dinner, we roast a beef tenderloin..Yummo-O, stuff to make munchies and a whole liquor store.  Yes I have 4 bottles of wine, a bottle of Boone’s Farm courtesy of a friend as a gag present, baileys and crown.  We are set..bring on the family fun!  The only downside of tomorrow is my sister has to work in the afternoon.  At least she will be here tonight and for the majority of the day tomorrow.  She is hoping to get many sympathy tips!  I hope she does too because that sucks donkey balls!

My tree is starting to overflow or I guess I should say underflow (haha) with presents ready to open, that are tempting the kids into craziness.  My tree is skinny so it only takes a few to make it look full under there and it makes it look like it vomited presents come Christmas morning.  They are going to be so much fun in the am!

If you are traveling I hope your travels are safe and quick!

So to you and your family near and far I wish you a very Merry Christmas!

We will be….ROCK’N AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE!!!

Peace.