Friday’s Survival Sarcasm – Demotivational Posters

I have been MIA from the blogging world as of late, I have been crazy busy.  I will find my head here soon and be back on it.  For now I give you our weekly dose of Survival Sarcasm thanks to an email from my hubs this am.  It made me laugh out loud and hopefully it will you too.  So let’s get started.

There you have it!

Rock your Friday!

Keep Rock’n!

Peace.

Freaky Deaky

It’s been an eventful but yet uneventful kinda holiday weekend.  Does that make sense?  Not sure and don’t care, it’s my blog, I don’t have to make sense.  heehee.

Friday I spent the day with my sister and we realized at dinner that even though we are 4 years and 1 day apart somehow someway we are twins that share the same brain….to the point of being freaky.  Here are a couple of examples:

-Even though between the 2 of us we own 593 pairs of shoes and out of the 593 pairs of shoes we both own 2 pairs of the same shoes, Friday she walks in and we have the same shoes on.  I can’t tell you how many times this happens and not only with shoes, it happens with clothes as well.

-Friday night at dinner we finished each other sentences and after a silent pause we both opened our mouths at the exact same time and the exact same words came out in the exact same order in the exact same tone…Twice.  It happened again yesterday.  Fah-ree-ky.

Also Friday at dinner my sister asked E if she could draw a tattoo on her and in return E could draw a tattoo on her.  My sister drew a cute little heart on E..Ahh so cute.  E in return drew a….

a puppy dog...or something

 It’s so windy outside right now that I keep watching for the witch on her bike to fly by my window.  Some random info for ya.

We watched Disney’s “Oceans” last night.  This has been out for quite awhile and I’m always late to the movie party.  This movie/documentary is hands down the BEST nature doc I have ever seen.  I was in awwe the entire time and the only words B and I spoke throughout the entire movie was “wow” and “that is crazy”.  If you have not seen this, you need to..right now..go now..now damnit.

Last week I bought some music for my ipod, Adele and Pistol Annies.  Pistol Annies is a country girl trio put together by Miranda Lambert.  I had heard a song by them awhile ago on a friend’s blog, loved it and then it left my mind.  Well I came across them again on itunes and fell in love again.  If you could tell the wear of a song on an ipod this album would be plum worn out and I’ve only had it since Thursday.  I can’t get enough of it, every song is fantastic.  Here is my fav.

and another…

Happy Tuesday..

Peace.

Friday’s Survival Sarcasm – Farewell to the Firecracker

Wednesday was a very very sad day..it was the day we bid farewell to one of my favorite blogs.  Miss Firecracker has put her blog on hold for the time being.  This makes me sad because it was one of my favorites, it was the first blog I read every morning and gave me my morning boost to face the world each day.  It made me laugh, it made me smile, it made me cock my head to the side and think “WTF!”  Her blog was one of the first I came across when I first came to the blogging world and I loved it from the beginning.  She is my…”Cosmic Twin”.  Thankfully through our blogs we have become friends on the outside of the blog-o-verse, a friendship was made that I hold dear.  I spent Wednesday in mourning, locked in my bedroom dressed in black with a bottle of Vodka.  To the Firecraker blog..I tip my forty.  Okay Okay enough of all the mushy mushy, let’s send her off in the right way!  Thank you Someecards.com and bluntcard.com for always having a card saying what is on my mind.

To you Miss Firecracker..Your blog will be missed…

Firecracker and I

I will do this for you & keep them dead

This can't be more true!

So...goodbye.

So call me!

I thought this by 8:30am on Wednesday

I keep telling myself this in between bottles of Jack Daniels

Yes we share the same brain.

Your secret is safe with me.

Because I'm there for you like that.

And shaking..and hammered...and twitching...HELP!

Thnx to the porn name generator we will be known as: You: Nurse Fuegobutte Me: Barbie Stroker

I keep telling myself you will come back someday....Come back to us!

See you already have a name! ...and done.

I beg of you

Firecracker says goodbye...

 To all that never read Firecracker’s blog while she was here..I am sorry that a part of you will always feel empty.

Rock Your Friday!

Always Keep Rock’n!!

Peace

Friday’s Survival Sarcasm – Rock the Awesome

It’s that time again folks. It’s Friday and here is your weekly does of sarcasm and funny. A special thank you as always to someecards.com, happyplace.com, and bluntcard.com for making our Friday’s most awesome.  Today’s post is a mixture of cards, notes to neighbors (from happyplace.com) and signs (again from happyplace.com).  Let’s Rock Some Awesome!

This might take a moment

That's one big wiener!

heehee!

BAM!

Because I'm fabulous

I told you

Mr T+Unicorns and lightbolts=Awesome of course!

Me with most humans

I burn 0 calories mowing the lawn

I was worried on what to do if they weren't around

Whatever works

He's sneaky..watch out!

that's some shit right there

bahaha

with so many this is the case

massive suction

My day planner says the same thing!

Always!

There you have it.

I leave you with this…

Rock Your Friday

and as always…

Keep Rockin!

Peace

Friday’s Survival Sarcasm – Street Fliers

It’s Friiiiiday!  Let’s get our funny on with the help of the folks over at Happyplace.com and their brilliantly pointless street fliers.  So let’s get this party started and fulfill our Friday’s Sarcasm Needs.  And go…

Now that's just fucking funny.

I could of used this the other day

haha!

like

Where's the honey mustard?

Take that Bike Thief!

Damn that Alf!

MEEP! is all I have to say

Dog Awesomesauce

Damn Straight

Now go on and Rock Your Friday!

Keep Rock’n!

Peace

Friday’s Survival Sarcasm – Signs

Today installment of Friday’s Survival Sarcasm is brought to you by happyplace.com, which I found through someecards.com.  Over on Happyplace they have posted brilliant smart-ass responses to completely well meaning signs.  I think they are funny and I hope they give you your dose of Friday Sarcasm that we all need!

And there you have it.

Rock Your Friday!

and as always..

Keep Rock’n.

Peace

Friday’s Survival Sarcasm – Brought to you by the Letter F & #1

The following installment of Survival Sarcasm is brought to you by:

someecards.com and bluntcard.com

The Letter F

As In...

and the number 1

Now that that is out of the way let’s get this started, shall we?  We shall.

Shark Week needs to be over.

This is very true.

It has to start somewhere.

I'm going to start using this.

I hate that!

Your Public Service Announcement for the day

This is my opinion of the human race 97% of the time.

My life story

Well that pretty much sums it up!

FACT.

dumbass

I'm tired of having "swamp ass" it causes chaffing.

Shew...I'm glad they aren't going broke

Fatass

because it would be AWESOME

majority of the general public

try working out fatass

As always Rock Your Friday!

Peace.

Vegas Baby Prt 3 – When the Ppl that Live in Your Computer Come to Life

Left off Tuesday at Wednesday late afternoon…..

Tonight we have a date with Thypolar and Hacking Vegas at 7:00!  We have never met these crazy blogging/twitter buddies so we are stoked!

We played blackjack till 6:30 and then scrambled up to our room to get ready.  We were outside waiting for them by 6:50, we are fucking champs!

They roll up.  It’s time to meet my girl Thy!  I’m so excited!!!!!  Blogging/twitter buddies coming alive in real life!!  STOKED!  And no they aren’t serial killers because I’m here today!  Double Score.     That was a joke of course.   But they didn’t try to murder us, butt rape us or take us to a dark alley so they are cool.  heehee.

We hop in the car and immediately start chatting it up like old friends.  Mr. T takes off driving like a mad cab driver taking us through parking garages and back streets (this is where I thought maybe we would end up in a dark alley     ) and we end up at Ceasar’s Palace somehow.  I’m not questioning it, I’m just happy to be alive.  hahahaha!

We are going to see Absinthe.  We grab a beer and get in line, talking it up, sharing pictures and stories.  I LOVE these people!  It’s time to head inside.

Sorry the pic is so dark, it’s all Mr. T’s fault!

The show starts and 2 minutes in it’s already better than the Criss Angel show.  It’s like an old traveling circus show.  The humor is rude and crude and PERFECT!  The acts start and they were amazing!  A guy stacking chairs up to the top of the tent and climbed them, girls topless besides their pasties, 4 guys climbing each other, 2 guys balancing each other, a guy and girl on roller skates spinning each other like crazy and a tight rope act.  ALL this with no net or safety harnesses and we were 10 feet from the stage!  My face hurt from laughing so hard and my heart almost stopped beating a couple of times!  The show was hands down the BEST!!  What makes it even better than the BEST is seeing it with Thy and Mr. T!!

After the show we headed down to Fremont Street.  It is like stepping back in time, the feel of the old casinos (which scared me just a bit), the lights, and the people.  There was a band playing out on the street so we stopped for a beer and a listen.

The best people EVER! I heart them!

You can zipline down Fremont Street, the guys were all about it and Thy jumped on board with the thinking she was going to die.  haha!  4 can zipline at the same time so Thy got cocky and was all about winning.  Us girls didn’t have a chance against the guys.  Why?  Because we are tiny little things so the guys have weight on their side.  Turds.  B was the first off, you could here him hooting and hollering the whole way down.  Mr. T was close behind him while Thy and I came in 3rd and 4th.  It was awesome!  It was their first time ziplining on Fremont so it was really cool to get to do that with them.

Mr. T always looks so damn happy or like he has something in his pants playing with his butt.  :P

Soon after we ziplined I turned into a poophead.  All of a sudden didn’t feel so hot.  It could have been the fact that I drank in the afternoon, only ate one meal that day, and the heat.  I was feeling rough and lost my gusto.  I felt awful because well I felt awful and was putting a damper on the evening.  :(   Next trip out I will make it up to Thy and Mr. T, I promise!  I talked up so much we are going to party hardy and here I was feeling like poo and ready to hit the room.  We walked around for a bit more and then headed back to hotel.

Even though the end of the night ended with me feeling rough we had a fabulous time all night with Thy and Mr. T.  They are hands down 2 of the coolest, nicest, wonderful, most genuine people out there.  I am ecstatic that we got to meet them and I am pretty sure it’s safe to say that this friendship will go on for a very very long time.  It was so cool to get to know them outside of the blogosphere and twitter.

Our trip even ended with them!  They offered to give us a ride to the airport the next day.  They picked us up and guess who was with them?  13!!!!!!!  I got to me the one and only 13!  She is such a beautiful, polite and sweet thing.  I almost put her in my suitcase to bring her home with me but Mr. T was watching in the rear view mirror.  Damn it!   The ride to the airport there was talk about them making a trip to Nashville!  WOO-HOO!  I am holding you guys to it!!!!      There were many hugs goodbye and I was sad to leave.  I could have spent a whole day with them and would be happy just hanging out talking.  We will do that next time!

So to you Thy and Mr. T,

Thank you so much for taking time out to spend with us.  We had a blast and can’t wait to do it again.  You guys rock!  Thank you for the ride to the airport and I can’t wait to see you guys again!!!  I am holding you to your Nashville visit.  Next time I promise NOT to drink in the afternoon and I will eat all my meals that day so I don’t turn into a poophead and ruin the fun!  So until the next real life meet up I will see you in Twitterville and the blogosphere!

Love you guys!!!

ps. Mr. T – Remember tonguing is spelled T-O-N-G-U-I-N-G.  heehee

Best trip to Vegas EVER!!!

Vegas Baby – Part 2 Blackjack Drama & Lots of Shots

Alright I left off yesterday on Tuesday night..It is now Wednesday Morning…

B decided to sleep in and I was up and at’em.  I was going insane because I was ready to start the day..at the blackjack tables of course.  Duh, we are in Vegas!  Finally sleepy head decided to get up, we drank our crack and headed down to the casino.

It’s about 11:30 am.

We find a blackjack table with one young woman sitting at it so we join her.  Little did we know that she was HAMMERED!  It didn’t take too long…it took right around 1 minute or 1 hand into it, however you want to time it.  A few minutes after we sat down another young guy around our age joined us, his name was Keith.  So there are 4 of us at the table now…5 including our wonderful and awesome dealer Debbie.  So we are all on the same page here is the run down of characters for the day…

Debbie – our dealer

Joslin – the young hammered woman

Keith – young man at the table with us

Billy – Pit Boss

Gerald – Big pit boss

Here we go.

B and I order a mimosa as does Keith, Joslin (better yet let’s just stick with hammered girl because it’s more fitting) orders whatever the hell she is hammering at noon and we begin to play.  Hammered girl starts asking Keith if he is a homo and for the next 20 minutes he tries to convince her he is not.  I think he almost took her to his room to plant something in her ass to prove it.  Now she is keeping all of her chips in her purse so every hand we have to wait for her to dig out more chips or pick her purse up off the floor to get the chips etc.  I am starting to get annoyed.  Keith buys us a round of shots…Kamikazes.

Another mimosa for me…Bloody Mary for B.

Debbie was awesome.  She was a sport through this whole thing and kept a smile on her face the entire time, even with hammered girl raising her voice and becoming belligerent.  Billy, the pit boss, notices hammered girl raising her voice, sees the look on my face and comes over to check on things.  By this point Debbie has cut off hammered girl with the cocktail waitress, unknowingly to hammered girl.  She informs Billy of this and he puts ME in charge of the table.  Umm..huh?     Hammered girl tries to get another drink, finds out she is cut off and is not happy.

Another Mimosa for me and bloody mary for B..Yes please!

We play while trying to ignore hammered chick.  Keith is awesome and fun.  Ignoring her was hard because now she is talking B’s ear off.  She is asking him insane questions, he says something about me being his wife and now she won’t shut up about that.  ”You mean you got her?”  ”well your wife is hot” “I can’t believe you scored her”.  WTF?  SHUT UP! Next thing I know I look over and hammered girl is hanging on B, meaning her arms were completely around him with all of her wait hanging on his shoulder.  I feel my pulse rise.  (if I wasn’t already annoyed with her it probably wouldn’t have fazed me)  I hear B say get your fucking hands off of me.  I make eye contact with her and tell her “Get your fucking hands off of my husband…NOW!”  Yep stirring up trouble on the blackjack table.  Good Lord.  Of course she starts bawling.  For the love of all things hammered this chick wouldn’t stop crying!  ”I’m so sorry” “if it was my husband I would be pissed too” blah blah blah.  First off why are you hammered at noon? and where the fuck are your friends?  So we spend the next 5 minutes trying to get her to stop crying.  Meanwhile Debbie has called the Big Pit Boss Gerald.  He was awesome.  He was this huge black guy with a very intimidating ‘take no shit’ look.  He just stood at the corner of our table and watched her.  I was cracking up.

Keith gets us another round of shots…Washington Apples.  It’s 1:00.

Keith decides he wants to buy a chick at another table a drink and makes the mistake of letting hammered girl know this.  She gets up to go talk to this chick to see if she is single.  Gerald, the big pit boss, stops her mid way next thing we know she is standing there crying…again.

Hammered girl makes it back to the table, unfortunately.  Keith at this point has had enough of her too.  Something gets said and the next thing I hear is from Keith to Hammered girl “Can you please shut the fuck up?, you are ruining my table karma! Just shut up or leave”.  I am about to bust out laughing and I want to high five our new found friend.  B and I decide we need to eat and coat our bellies because if we keep up at this pace we will be passed out in our room by 3.  We get up from the table and watch hammered girl literally cry to Keith and apologize.  When we finally see her walk away we head to eat.

We stop by the room after lunch and this is what happened.  Truth be told this is what happened almost every time we went to the room.

He loved that damn pillow.

Back down to the tables we went after B’s playtime with the pillow.  Debbie’s table was open with only Keith sitting there.  Score.  We sit back down and he immediately buys us another round of shots…Straight up Makers Mark.  I passed because I am not woman enough for that shot.  I ordered a beer.  Keith has obviously has been going strong since we left because he is 3 sheets to the wind by now.  It’s 3:30.  We continue to play and have a great time, until Keith decides we all need another round of shots.  Good lord.  This time the shots were Deck Farts.  They tasted just like their name but I drank it anyway because I’m cool like that.

Debbie this entire time was awesome.  She cut up with us the entire time and was very tolerant of all bullshit at the table throughout the day.  I heart Debbie.

Mind you Wednesday afternoon we were more buzzed than we were our entire trip.  Maturity?  Age?  Free shots?  I don’t know.  You pick and I’ll go with it.

We have plans this evening to meet up with Thypolar and Mr. T and they are picking us up at 7:00.  WOO-HOO!

I started to write about that and realized how long it was going to make this post so now you must wait until tomorrow!

Oh the Suspense!  ….When Blogging friends come to life!!!!!

Friday’s Survival Sarcasm – It’s Mandatory.

I need today’s installment of Sarcasm like a whore needs frequent STD checks after this past week.  It’s mandatory.  This will also be my last post for a week.  Yes next week there will be no blogging from Vegas…only drinks, gambling, doing the dirty, eating, sleeping, more drinking, partying with Thy & Mr. T, music, shows, more doing the dirty, more drinks, more sleeping and even more gambling.  I will be tweeting throughout the week though because god forbid I go an entire week without any social media.  I can’t just go cold turkey on everything all at once people.

Seriously, That would have been some funny shit!

I have accomplished this way too well.

Too Late!

 So here’s to you all for the next week!

Until next week…

Peace.

Rock your Friday!