The Low of a Battle

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It’s hard to watch someone you care about get sick, to wither away down to nothing, to try to stay strong for everyone around them, but yet get tired of trying.  It’s hard to watch someone you love struggle with watching this happen to someone close to them.  You watch their face change from day to day with the ever changing news from good to bad to good to bad.

What I am talking about is my sister and her best friend’s struggle with Ovarian Cancer, we will call her BC.  When I see my sister stressed out from worry, I feel it too.  I worry about her and what is going through her mind…the stress, the worry, the concern, the sadness, the empty feeling that is growing in her heart, the hope that she has and the want for that to stay strong.  BC was my sister’s best friend since the day she moved here.  BC has become part of our family, she has become like a second sister.

BC is in an awful battle with ovarian cancer but is also struggling with staying strong…putting up the fight that it takes to make it through.  BC has had a rough road as of late with multiple hospital stays, the last two lasting 2-3 weeks each.  She is struggling with her weight, she is down to 85 pounds.  She is struggling with the Chemo treatments, keeping food in her system, hydration etc.  She no longer wants to get out of bed for a short walk around her apartment.  Yesterday my sister got a phone call from BC saying she hasn’t been feeling well and she has decided to go to the doctor to see what is going on again.  She called back after going to the doctor to tell my sister that she is being admitted once again to the hospital and asked her to come sit with her while her boyfriend and sister go home to pack for the stay.  We were in a store finishing up some shopping with this call came in.  On the way home my sister received another call from a friend explaining the truth behind the hospital admittance.  I hear my sister in disbelief in the backseat, my heart dropped, my mind went to the worst news, I drove in silence waiting for the call to end to be updated.  We arrive home and she hangs up with her friend and she is livid.  My stepmom and I ask what is going on and brace ourselves for bad news.  The truth was that BC had begged to be admitted to the hospital.  My sister is shaking with anger, BC has given up and wants to be in the hospital.  BC is surrounded by people that love her, that are asking her to stay strong and fight.  BC has fought, she has fought long and hard but she is becoming tired.  That is to be expected.

The question is when as a friend do you cross that line and get in her face and let her know that she must not give up..she must keep fighting.  Is it completely out of line to tell BC to quit being selfish and fight not only for herself but for everyone around her?

BC agreed earlier to seeing a counselor to help her mind through this.  She has yet to talk to anyone, she has also stopped taking her depression medicine.  This is not good.  BC can be a handful when she is not in a good mood (which woman can’t be) and of course everyone around her is trying to keep her as happy as can be.  Absolutely nothing wrong with that.  But when do you say enough is enough and take the chance and intentionally piss her off and say point blank..You will talk to someone whether you like it or not, you will take your medication, you will keep fighting..you will not give up!  Your intention is not to make her mad and upset but help her to deal with the cards that she has been dealt.  Her loved ones don’t want to cause any unnecessary stress, I wouldn’t either but yet you don’t want to see BC give up and say she can’t do this anymore.  No one wants to hear that.  No one wants to lose the gem that BC is to this world.  She is loved by all and the world would become a shade darker without her in it.

My sister left my house yesterday afternoon with this struggle.  As a friend when do you cross that line and quit enabling her to make this choice of giving up.  When do you look her in the eye and say “you will not give up and leave me, your family, and yourself”.  I have yet to hear what all happened last night at the hospital but I can only hope for the positive.

I was talking to someone else about all of this last night and their outlook is not good.  I wanted to jump through the phone and strangle this person.  You can’t think negatively!  I don’t want to hear your reality outlook on the situation and so help me god if this person says what was said to me to my sister I will have words with them and it won’t be pretty.  I do believe they know better but still, I wouldn’t put it past them.

I refuse to let my thoughts turn negative.  We all must stay positive, have beautiful thoughts of recovery and victory for BC.  She needs the strength from everyone around her, everyone that loves her more now than ever.

We love you BC, stay strong, stay with us and fight.

A Benefit for Brandi. A concert in her honor, spread your love!

As some of you have read in earlier posts a good friend of mine and my sister’s bestie is in a battle with Cancer.  The doctors original thought was she has ovarian cancer.  She had a full hysterectomy last week to rid her body of the Ovarian Cancer and during the surgery found a tumor the size of her stomach and spots throughout her body, one being on her pancreas which has brought up the possibility of it being Pancreatic cancer.  They are awaiting the results of the biopsy, which should be in later this week and will know for sure what it is, but for now they are sticking with Ovarian Cancer.  She will be starting Chemo in just a few weeks.  She is 29 years old and the sweetest girl you will ever know.  She will light up a room when she walks in with her huge smile and laugh, she is hilarious, she is loving, she is caring and just all around a great girl and I am proud to say she is my friend.  She is loved by so many around our city and Sunday 3rd and Lindsley is throwing a benefit concert in her honor.   The benefit concert has a huge list of performers and most likely more artists will be added seeing that on fb people are adding to the comments that they or others want to perform.  The current list of artists that will be playing the benefit:  Dave Pahanish and The Rust Belt ,Tom Bukovak, Marcel, Jessica Andrews, Kristen Lee, Keith Anderson, Josh Hoge, Andy Davis, Rick Huckaby, The Wooten Brothers, Old Union, Johnny Neel, Chris Bledsoe, Randy Boen, Jack Pearson, and Very Special Guests…..

So if you are reading this and live in Nashville get your tooshie to 3rd & Lindsley Sunday at 4:00!

 

My sister and Brandi. (Brandi in the white shirt)

We Love You Bran!

It will be a night of great music, friends, love and support.

If you are curious to learn more about Brandi, her battle, and her progress you can visit CaringBridge.  She has her very own page set up (and the link will take you straight to her page) where you can follow updates and her progress throughout her battle.  Stop by the page and show your support and sign the guest book!  She is a strong, loving and caring girl and we all know that she will beat this and shine just like she does everyday.

So to you Brandi keep your head high.  We all love you and are pulling for you and we all KNOW you will beat this.

We send you our strength…

**Update**

The results are back and it is Ovarian Cancer.  She starts her chemo on the 20th.  Outlook looks a-mazing!

Good News mixed in with Bad News.

This is it, the last day of school for almost 3 weeks, and it’s only a two hour day.  My son begged and begged last night to not have to go today, he is currently still sleeping and has no idea I let him stay home from school.  Heehee!  My daughter on the other hand wanted to go because they were having a Holiday Party *because god forbid they call it a Christmas Party* and her teacher was making pancakes for all the students.  Em won’t pass up pancakes at any time!  So it starts..the almost 3 week break.  It will be fun, I am looking forward to it and I know the kids are ready as well.

Yesterday I took my son for his 8 year check up at the doctor.  What a mad house that was!  Everyone is sick and I just hate taking the kids to the doctor when they are fine to be around a bunch of sick people.  I really wish they would separate or divide the waiting room…sick side/well side.  They were so busy and so backed up that our appointment was at 3:00 and we weren’t called back till almost 4:00.  Not cool when kids are involved but oh well.  What I learned yesterday shocked me.  My son is, like I said, 8 and he is 4’5″ tall and weights 63 lbs.  He’s huge!  80th percentile for his height and 70th for his weight.  I thought for sure the dr. would tell me to put some weight on him..he is a bean pole!  I am going to have one tall kid on my hands.  I am 5’3″ so he is going to pass me up in no time, scary.  I was doing laundry the other day and we all have black long john type shirts and I actually grabbed my sons and went to hang it up in my closet, that proves right there my baby is not so much a baby any longer.  *sigh*  I can’t get over how big he has gotten, how smart he is, how caring and loving and just an all around good kid.  I am truly blessed with my little boogers.

Yesterday my sister called with some not so good news regarding one of her closest dearest friends.  This friend is considered part of our family, we have adopted her as one of our own, she is loved by all of us and is very dear to us.  Her and my sister have been friends since my sister moved here in 2004.  She has been sick for around 2 months now not knowing what was wrong, the doctors would tell her it’s one thing and put her on medication only for the medicine to irritate what ever it is that is wrong.  Back to the doctor she would go and they would change their mind and change her meds, at one point putting her on medication that cost $900.  That is absolutely ridiculous for medicine to cost that much, just saying.  This back and forth has went on for a couple of months.  She can’t really eat anything, stomach spasms, tiredness, pain in her abdomen etc. the poor thing has lost so much weight she looks sickly.  I am surprised they have not put her in the hospital on an iv.  She is about 5 inches taller than me and weighs way less than me, poor thing.  This week she went back in for more tests and the doctor called with the results a day early..that is never good.  My sister called with the news that her friend has Cervical Cancer.  Then later in the day the doctor called back and said it wasn’t cervical cancer it is Ovarian Cancer.  Well lets get it right here!  Damn Doctors!  Anyway, it involves the ‘C’ word and I flippin hate the ‘C’ word.  My heart sank and I could hear the worry in my sisters voice as we started to discuss the news.  We lost our mom to cancer so we both don’t do well with anyone having cancer.  It is such an evil disease and just saying the word stings my tongue.  Her friend is so young, such a good loving person, wants so bad to have kids and have her family.  My sister just kept saying why couldn’t this have happened to me, I am the one that doesn’t want kids.  I did not like hearing that, I have accepted that I will most likely never have a niece or nephew from her besides her dog, but the thought of my sister having something like this broke me.  I refuse to even play pretend with the idea.  I don’t know anything about Ovarian Cancer so the first thing I did this morning was google it.  In my mind Ovarian Cancer was a less severe form of cancer and I thought highly treatable.  The first thing I read this morning is Ovarian Cancer is the 5th leading killer cancer.  My heart sank.  Now we have no idea what stage the cancer is in, further tests will tell.  I can’t help wanting to curse the sky.  I am just trying to have positive thoughts for a positive outcome at this point.  I worry about my sister.  If god forbid this turns down a road with an awful outcome, I don’t know how she will deal. But for now we will stay positive and hope for the best.  I read that, depending on the stage of the cancer, they can treat it with a major surgery removing the ovaries, fallopian tubes and uterus and ending with chemo to destroy what ever is left.  Hopefully it has not spread past her ovaries and fallopian tubes, if it has that is where it gets scary.  Time and tests will tell.  My thoughts are with this friend, I love you girlie.

On another depressing note, my step-uncle has been in the hospital.  It is my step mom’s oldest brother.  They had a scare earlier in the week when the doctors decided it was cancer, then took that back and decided it was something else.  It has something to do with his lymph nodes.  I am confused on this one.  She is taking off tomorrow with her other brother to go see him in the hospital in Evansville, I will wait with positive thoughts for the news on him.  He is being sent to Missouri somewhere to a specialist very soon.  I wish I could remember what she said they thought it was but it was a bunch of big words that sounded like a foreign language to me.  I had never heard of it before.  My thoughts are with them as well.

I hate to be such a downer but this is life, and it is my life at this moment in time.