Freaky Deaky

It’s been an eventful but yet uneventful kinda holiday weekend.  Does that make sense?  Not sure and don’t care, it’s my blog, I don’t have to make sense.  heehee.

Friday I spent the day with my sister and we realized at dinner that even though we are 4 years and 1 day apart somehow someway we are twins that share the same brain….to the point of being freaky.  Here are a couple of examples:

-Even though between the 2 of us we own 593 pairs of shoes and out of the 593 pairs of shoes we both own 2 pairs of the same shoes, Friday she walks in and we have the same shoes on.  I can’t tell you how many times this happens and not only with shoes, it happens with clothes as well.

-Friday night at dinner we finished each other sentences and after a silent pause we both opened our mouths at the exact same time and the exact same words came out in the exact same order in the exact same tone…Twice.  It happened again yesterday.  Fah-ree-ky.

Also Friday at dinner my sister asked E if she could draw a tattoo on her and in return E could draw a tattoo on her.  My sister drew a cute little heart on E..Ahh so cute.  E in return drew a….

a puppy dog...or something

 It’s so windy outside right now that I keep watching for the witch on her bike to fly by my window.  Some random info for ya.

We watched Disney’s “Oceans” last night.  This has been out for quite awhile and I’m always late to the movie party.  This movie/documentary is hands down the BEST nature doc I have ever seen.  I was in awwe the entire time and the only words B and I spoke throughout the entire movie was “wow” and “that is crazy”.  If you have not seen this, you need to..right now..go now..now damnit.

Last week I bought some music for my ipod, Adele and Pistol Annies.  Pistol Annies is a country girl trio put together by Miranda Lambert.  I had heard a song by them awhile ago on a friend’s blog, loved it and then it left my mind.  Well I came across them again on itunes and fell in love again.  If you could tell the wear of a song on an ipod this album would be plum worn out and I’ve only had it since Thursday.  I can’t get enough of it, every song is fantastic.  Here is my fav.

and another…

Happy Tuesday..

Peace.

Delete..Delete..Delete.

Alright let’s see here.  I have had a steady trend this week of negativity.  That sucks, I don’t like to be negative but it happens.  It happens because of asshats that walk the earth, they annoy me and at times they get the best of me and I become annoyed and negative.  That’s not very attractive.

The negativity grew last night as I hopped over to facebook to check in.  UGH.  What people post at times makes me scream in my head WTF and wonder how they function on a daily basis.  That prompted a little house cleaning.  I decided I will no longer except under age friends on there.  I had nieces and nephews in my friend list and found myself having to think of them before I post anything.  Well No More I say!  What I do say is “Delete”.  As I have said before some find facebook as a popularity contest.  I do not.  I went over to the Edit Friends Bar and had a drink or two.  I went down my list and if I read a name that made me think “who?” …. Delete.  If you are still as annoying as you were in high school…Delete.  Then I questioned why the hell I had accepted that damn request in the first place.  I’m such a softie sometimes.  Oh well.  I feel much better now that it is done and hopefully my news feed will be more tolerable for awhile.

I did take great pleasure in deleting one person from my list.  She was one of my sister’s good friends that I didn’t care for from the get go and my sister has finally seen the true light that radiates from her every pore.  She’s a shitty shady human that rubbed me the wrong way from the first day I met her but I always was pleasant and welcomed her because she was my sister’s friend.  She pulled a severe asshole move the other day with my sister and that pushed me over the edge in the like department.  I finally deleted her last night.  No more of her status posts that were always vulgar, gross and just wrong in many ways.  Now I’m no prude.  I enjoy gross humor, a little vulgarity here and there, it takes a lot to gross me out.  She thought she was always being funny but in reality it made her look stupid and like a whore which she is.  So yes deleting her made me happy.

Well Fnkybee why don’t you just delete your account and walk away to avoid the stupids that frequent the site?  Well the answer is quite simple.  I do enjoy facebook for the communication I have with my friends from back home.  Plain and simple and that is all.  So I will keep it around but believe you me, I will be delete happy when need be.

Here’s how this is going on facebook.  I have had a couple of asshat comments.

One more thing that is making me stabby this week is the constant tooth pain that I have from my temporary crown.  I am eating Advil like it’s leaving the Earth tomorrow.  Every 4 hours like clock work I am shoving more down my throat.  If I wait too long to take it the throbbing pain gets so bad it puts me almost in tears and throbs all the way up to my eye.  Yes I need to call the dentist and go back but I am leaving for vacation in 4 days and I’ll be damned if they are touching my mouth to make it sore or worse before I leave.  I most likely need a root canal and I’m stubborn and refuse to go through that before I leave.  I have learned to manage the pain so I will endure it until I return.  I’m tough. Not really that shit hurts.

Ok on that note I am off to be positive Damn It!

My tooth does not hurt, I love everyone, facebook is my favorite place to be!  I’m trying…I’m trying!

 

Yesterday was poopy

Yesterday went to shit real quick but it did have it’s good moments.  The good…the kids were awesome, all day long.  E even took it upon herself to clean her room to perfection and when her room was done she cleaned her brother’s.  I felt her head, checked birthmarks, drew blood and sent it off to be tested and yep, this is my daughter who did this.  I was shocked but very happy.

The bad…

We used to have 2 Krogers here in town, one on my end of town and the other on the other end.  My Kroger was wonderful, it was close, it was never crowded, the employees were so nice, they remembered me and my kids and always offered help.  The other one is awful.  The parking lot is so jacked up the way it is laid out that it is just one big cluster fuck of crap, everyone that works there hates their life for some reason, and all the customers are shit heads.  It’s never a fun experience.  I miss my Kroger so much.  Yesterday I went to asshole Kroger for the first time since mine closed in May.  Nothing there has changed.  The aisles are so narrow that you are always in someone’s way or they are in yours because of the stand alone displays they feel necessary to place in the narrow aisles.  Yesterday numerous times, as I was passing by one of these displays and someone would have to pause for me to get by I would always say “excuse me” with a smile.  What would I get back? A look that would kill me over dead.  I got ONE…ONE response with a smile.  What is wrong with people??  Is life just that bad?  I mean I hate it there too but for the love of god I’m not going to be a complete asshole to everyone.  Geesh!

I had to cancel a hotel reservation that I made with a package deal through them for a family wedding that we are attending in September.  I found out after the fact of making reservation through Expedia, that a block of rooms at the same hotel were reserved for wedding guests at a discounted rate but I need to go straight through the hotel to be able to get the discount.  The first call went smoothly, I thought.  They said the cancellation was no problem at all but they were showing an error with my card for the refund.  My first thought..Interesting because there was no ‘error’ to be found when you were charging it a few weeks ago.  She assured me the refund would take place and a confirmation refund receipt would be emailed to me within 5 to 10 minutes.  An hour later…..Nothing. I make call number 2 to see what the hold up is with my email and come to find out that the error still exists.  After being placed on hold and every 5 minutes the chick getting back on the line to let me know they are still “working” on it, it’s now almost 45 minutes later and she decides that I have been holding long enough and once again reassures me that I will get my refund and should have an email by days end.  Umm…It’s 7:30am the next day and guess what..still no email.  They are messing with my money.  I’m not happy.  So what I will be doing later is making yet another phone call.  Yay me.

I received a phone call yesterday from someone and during the call I was reminded of what a shit head a certain person is.  I had forgotten about a certain “thing” that this person did which is odd because of how much it effects our life.  Out of sight, out of mind I guess.  Once I was reminded of it I was instantly furious all over again.  Grrrr.  This person needs a swift kick in the butt and needs to be reminded how to be a decent human, unfortunately that is completely impossible.  This person will never be a decent human being, it’s been too long.  I need to do an entire venting post on that and might take up an offer that was given to me yesterday to use their blog as an anonymous venting place.  :)

That about sums up the craptastic day that was Tuesday.  Fuck you Tuesday and all your glory bullshit.

I am happy to report that the funk has been lifted off of my sister, or as she put it on my fb “I know I have been a turd much as of late and I promise to put down the turds and I will meet you out at dad’s”  and she is back in action.  We will be meeting at our dad’s later this morning for a little sun, swimming and much catching up.  This is awesome because I was starting to twitch from withdrawals.

There was more to post about but I just looked at the time and I have to roll!

 

Monday’s Mumbles

I have the Monday Mumbles…

-B said the word “skrogged” to me last night.  I love that word and it has made me giggle since high school.  If you have never heard that word before and don’t know what it means here’s a clue…”So I skrogged you harder”.  Ponder and discuss.

-I woke up to realize a good friend is no longer on Twitter with us any longer.  I was instantly sad.  My days on Twitter just got a little darker.  I am now in mourning the rest of the day.

-I need to walk around with post it notes stuck on my forehead to remember everything anymore.  Age? To many drugs back in the day?  Not sure but it’s obvious that I can’t remember shit.  Last night I laid in bed and thought of a gazillion things to post about..how many have I remembered this morning…one.

-I have a shit ton of stuff to get done this week before we leave for vacation…IN 7 DAYS.  This time next week I will be rushing around like a crazy lady dropping the dog off at the kennel, taking the kids to my dads and trying to make it to the airport on time.  Plus I have to make it a point to be by the pool getting my tan on as much as I can this week.  Priorities people!

-I was thinking about leaving for our vacation the other night and for the first time ever got nervous.  I don’t know what the hell was wrong with me.  I thought about leaving the kids and it made me sad….WHAT!  I thought about flying and what could go wrong..WHAT!  Never before have these thoughts entered my mind before a vacation, it’s always been how quick can I get out the door and on our way.  Shhh thoughts, go the hell away, no one likes your kind around here.

-I am to the point of pulling excuses out of my ass to dodge an invitation this week.  I think I have dodged the bullet successfully with a text I just sent.  Fingers crossed.

-I am officially in sister withdrawal.  I haven’t seen or talked to my sister in over a week now and I am starting to twitch.  She is in a funk and needs to get out of it immediately.  When she enters her funk mode she cuts off all communication with me and pretty much everyone.  This drives me nuts!  I need a big dose of sista talk.

 

 

Last Night I Stopped and Let Myself Just Be

Last night I stopped and I listened.

I went outside to have a cigarette last night and usually when I go out I have my phone in my hand or my ipad, something to toy with while I am out there.  This has become a habit.  Last night I I went out with neither for the first time in awhile.

It was about 11:00, it was silent except for the summer night bugs singing their songs, there was a breeze blowing.

I sat and I listened.

I listened to the silence which is night.

I listened to the sounds of the bugs that are only out during the summer night warmth.

I listened to the breeze rustling the leaves in the trees.

I watched the breeze blow through the line of trees, jumping from one tree to the next.

I sat and felt the night breeze on my face and I breathed it in.

The breeze was fresh,warm and cleansing.

I cleared my mind of the chaos which life can be.

I let myself just be.

Life, we let it consume us with the daily chaos it can have.

We are always running here or there, worrying about this or that.

All which is most likely insignificant when it comes down to it.

How often do you let yourself just be?

How often do you stop and take in what is around you?

How often do you sit and listen to the night?

The night is a mysterious beautiful time.

All is quiet, the daily hustle is over, the day is at rest.

It’s the perfect time to…

..just be.

What the Crap?

Today’s installment of All Things Fnkybee is brought to you by….What the Crap?

Because..it's funny..

There is a song on the radio that concerns me.  I don’t know who it is by or what the name of it is and yes I could easily look that information up but I’m feeling lazy and don’t wanna, plus it’s my blog and I could do what I want.  Anyway…one of the songs lines or what is the main chorus goes like this

“If you see someone sexy tell them Hey, Give me everything tonight.”

Let’s discuss.  So you are at a club, you see someone across the room they you find sexy, you walk up to them and say “Hey, Give me everything tonight!”.  That’s a little forward don’t you think?  A little demanding in my opinion.  You just met this person and now you want everything?  Geesh!  What, you want my money, my bling or by everything do you just want my vagina?  If I was on the receiving end of this lovely pick up line I would First laugh hysterically in your face and then walk away or turn to my girlfriends and immediately start making fun of you because you are a douche.  What I find disturbing is what it is implying.  I know I know, it’s just a song but there are young influential brains listening and thinking maybe this is ok.  It’s not.  It’s not ok to demand everything from someone you just met and you find sexy because chances are if this is your way of thinking you are a complete toolbag to begin with.  It’s not ok *girls* to just give everything to some stranger because they find you sexy.  Morals!  Morals! Remember your morals Ladies!  I should write a “just ask Fnky” column because I’m so smart with the advice.  

Another “What the Crap!”  My husband has become fond of my iPad.  I was ok with this until……He walked in the bathroom with it.  I didn’t say anything.  Later in the day he picked it up and started doing whatever he does on it and then gets up off the couch, turns to me and says “this thing is great!”  I said “it is pretty awesome” and his reply is “it’s great because you can take it to the bathroom with you, every bathroom should come with one”.  Yeah..um…you are pooping with my iPad and I don’t know how I feel about that.  Literally..What the Crap!

My husband is one of the funniest people I know.  He is constantly making me laugh from the complete random things that come out of his mouth at the most random of times.  Oh Fnky please tell us an example of the comedy…Ok ok geesh!  Hold your panties.

The other night we are sitting on the couch watching tv.  We are not speaking to each other just watching.  Out of the corner of my eye I notice his hand is held up, fingers spread.  He is sizing up the side of my head with his hand.  I slowly turn my head and ask what the hell he is doing.  With out cracking a smile or missing a beat he says “What if I just smacked the fuck out of your face right now?”  ”That would hurt”  I just looked at him and then we both immediately start laughing so hard that I ended up with tears.  Now I know what you are thinking.  What the Crap?  That’s not nice or funny.  Well I hate to break it to you but it is.  You have to know B and his sense of humor.  He has never or would he ever lay a hand on me.  What made it so funny was the complete and utter randomness of it.  He is always pulling complete random shit out of his ass and catching me off guard with it.  That probably wasn’t the best most mushy example but we thought it was funny.  We also tell each other ‘I love you’ by flipping each other off.  That is something we have done since day one.  We are screwed up.

I love you B!

 

 

“F Off”, It’s the theme of the Day

Last night I caught a story on the local news regarding bumper stickers on other people’s cars.  It goes something like this…If you see a bumper sticker on another car driving down the road that offends you, you can report it and have that person fined $50.  Are you Kidding me!  This is asinine and makes me want to purchase and apply a sticker on my rear bumper that reads “Fuck You, You Smell like Monkey Shit”.  OR report a bumper sticker that reads “My son/daughter is an honor student”  because that is telling me you think your kid is better than mine and I’m offended.

Maybe I will go with this bumper sticker.

Next in the same story was regarding in-car DVD players and what you play on them.  If someone is driving behind you or to the side and they can see the movie that is playing and it offends them or they find it inappropriate they can report you and you can be fined.  W.T.F!  Again, this makes me want to ride around with porn playing at.all.times.

When does this shit cross the line?  Now we can’t put whatever we choose on our cars and play what we wish inside our own private property just because Mary Ann who has her head shoved so far up Jesus’s ass thinks it is unchristian like.  Well FUCK YOU.  All these people that get their panties in a bunch because other of people’s actions, words, stickers or movies aren’t what they would choose need to shut the fuck up and get over themselves.  They need to realize that just because they feel they are holier than thou doesn’t mean what they say goes.  So to you people that believe your word goes and you make enough stink and cry hard enough to have changes made to the laws to suit you because you believe it’s right, you can

This goes right along with the holiday celebrations in schools.  You cant’ say Merry Christmas, you can’t have Christmas Parties, you can’t dress up for Halloween etc etc etc.  This shit pisses me off.  It’s all because of whiny ass people who are too fucking sensitive.  If you don’t like it turn your cheek, don’t look, stay home.

Tracy Morgan came to Nashville in the last couple of months and during his show he did a bit about gays.  Well, a dude got all offended and made a such a huge stink about it that Morgan came back to Nashville and apologized.  Now for the record what Morgan said I feel went a tad too far BUT it’s freaking comedy.  Anyone with a bit of common sense knows this.  If everyone said something every time they felt a bit offended by a stand up skit and cried about it then there would be NO comedians.   If you are easily offended, you have no business taking your sensitive ass to a comedy gig Period, Unless you are one of those people that goes around looking for something to bitch about.  I hate those type of people.  They suck.  Morgan’s ordeal is just another example of people being way to sensitive over dumb shit.  Anyone with a brain in their head would understand that were watching a Comedy show.  It would be like me getting pissed every time a comedian said something about “women” or “whities” or “honkeys”.  It’s a fucking comedy show, I’m not going to get my panties in a bunch and cry about it.  Everyone needs to..

I don’t go around criticizing people because they believe something different from me.  Who the fuck am I to judge?  I would never in a million years make such a stink about something that it would take away from someone who believes differently than me or likes something that I don’t.  If you are not physically hurting me, my kids, my family I am a big enough person to turn my cheek with the thinking, “that’s retarded but it is what it is”.  Example: The guys that hang the balls from their truck hitch.  To me that is gross.  I don’t like balls in the flesh and I don’t want to see steel balls hanging from your truck but it is what it is and I’m not going to cry about it so much that they will be banned.  No, instead I pull up behind a truck, see the balls hanging, think “that’s gross, I wonder if he is compensating for something” giggle and then quit looking at them.  Period.  Done.

So to everyone that bitches over stupid stuff…

 

This May Hurt Your Brain.

Alright I got a bunch of nothing today but a bunch of random crap so here we go.  If this hurts your brain I apologize in advance.

-My husband was eaten by the Snore Monster last night which moved me to the couch.  That monster is LOUD and annoying.

-The fact that people actually spend their money on Britney Spears tickets blows my mind.  Why in the hell would anyone buy tickets to watch someone lip sync?  If you do you are a dumbass and if you are buying them for your daughter you should be slapped…twice.

-My cat is now known as Daisy the Ninja Cat.  You walk through a room and she comes out of no where and attacks your ankles.  This is not cool when you have hot coffee in your hand.

-It’s been almost 2 weeks since we have been at the pool at my Dad’s because of weather and other going ons.  Today it is blue sky’s and hot so of course the pool is out of commission.  FML.  I need sun, the kids need to be worn out..Its about my Sanity people, Sanity!

-Now that our trip is planned I have the perfect excuse to go shopping!  Oh yes, this girl needs new shoes.  Like how I used the word need?  Yeah I need a new pair of shoes because my 158 pair that I already own aren’t Vegas worthy.     I also need a dress and some shirts.  Yes I need them.

-Chances are that when I do go shopping I won’t find anything because I will be looking for specific items.  Why is this always the case?  When you are broke or just out for the hell of it you can find a shit ton of stuff you want but when you go on a mission you can’t find shit.  I must start now because multiple trips may be needed.

-I am tired of looking at my kids with their 4,379 tattoos on them. We are going to have a scrub fest today, their skin is going to be raw and red.

I will leave you with a funny video.  I may have posted it before, I can’t remember but it is one of my favorites so I will post it again.  The amount of time that my sister and I have spent quoting this video is disturbing and makes me question our brains.

Seriously?!?

I always have the urge to hit the “This post is super-awesome” button over there on the right.  What if I do and it’s really not super-awesome?  What if no one else thinks it’s super-awesome?  That would suck.

I just found out that one of my girlfriends is pregnant via facebook.  What the hell?  No phone call, not even a text to tell me this type of news?  Is this what it comes down to…telling huge news like this on facebook?  Another reason that facebook can suck my ass.  I was a little hurt by this.

I am counting down hours no make that minutes or even seconds to Saturday night.  I am headed out with my Stepmom and her friend that is coming into town from Indiana.  Last week and weekend was long.  Long I say!  B worked non stop for 6 days straight leaving the house before 6am and not returning till anywhere from 7 to 10:30.  It was just me and the kids….the whole time.  Mama needs a break.  Mama needs a huge break.  Saturday can’t get here fast enough.  I need a drink.

What is sad is that I have resorted to my stepmom and her friends to go out with this time around because mine all suck.  Yes people it is true.  I need new friends or better yet if my friends that live in my computer or in Twitterville would just move closer to me my life would be awesome. Unfortunately I can’t make that happen.  I need super human powers damnit.

I would make the best damn princess in the world.

I need people to come clean my house. Hints, the princess reference.  I also need the kids to not touch anything after the house has been cleaned because it seems that I clean and you can’t tell 5 minutes later.

I resorted to watching Cartoon Network last night because there was nothing on the 400+ channels that I get.  That’s sad.  My son would have been proud.

B and W leave for Indiana tomorrow for a night.  E and I will be here and we have decided to have a girls only slumber party.  I have a feeling she will be in my bed sleeping with me punching and kicking me all night long.  Good times, I can’t wait.

\]]]]]]]]]]]]w333333  <—-  the cat decided she needed to say something.

I twittered something yesterday and got a kinda shitty reply back.  My first thought..”well that wasn’t necessary and don’t be a twittercunt”.  Twittercunts suck,they can be male or female.  When you make the decision to put your 2 cents in on something that wasn’t directly said towards you and your 2 cents is shitty, negative, or assbagish you are a twittercunt and I have a flying urge to unfollow you.  Especially when that was the first thing ever said to me by this follower.

Lesson of the day:  Don’t be a TwitterCunt.

 

 

 

That’s all I got.

I have nothing specific to talk or write about so this is one of my infamous random ramblings posts.  I know you are so excited.  You’re welcome.

-I have tattoo fever….BIG time.  I must hold off a couple of months and get through the heat and sun.  At this point there is no way in the world I can stay out of the pool for 2 weeks.  I am refreshing my search for the perfect tattoo idea so when the time comes I am ready.

-My sister got a plant for her birthday called a money tree.  If that thing starts sprouting Benjamin’s I am so stealing it.

-This new kitten has already cost me $150 and it hasn’t even had it’s first round of shots yet because it had a cold.  It better be thankful it’s cute and my that it makes my daughter so darn happy.

-That’s all I got.

I will leave you with a picture I took with my phone yesterday.