Just call me Miss MIA.

So yeah, it’s me, Miss. MIA as of late.  I have been crazy busy, it’s ridiculous and I’m worn plum out.  Yes I just said plum out.  Lord, I’ve been in the south too long.  With that said, I’m fix’n to tell you what I have been up to.

I’ve been…

-Running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

- Not reading blogs of the people that live in my computer, I am an awful friend.  I have a lot of catching up to do. I miss everyone!

-Taking pictures, editing, taking more pictures, more editing, editing, editing, editing.  Damn it’s time consuming.

-Trying to fine tune my time management between mom, wife, friend, and a photographer.  I’m failing at this.

-I’m now trying to find the time to start painting my house again.  I put down the paint brush a month ago and haven’t touched it since.  Umm…Yeah..my house looks confused.

-Looking for extra hours in my day. Does Walmart have time on sale?  I can’t find any extra time.

-Saturday night I shot a very talented rock’n band, One43, downtown Nashville at the Red Rooster.  I was in heaven because you just can’t beat mixing a good rock’n roll band with photography. I was one happy girl.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I still have one more photo shoot to edit and then I will be caught up.  There’s only 1250 photos to go through, cut down and edit.  Geesh, again I need more hours in my day!

Now if you will excuse I must go pamper myself for a bit by getting my hair done.  It looks like I have a mop on the top of my head.  It’s way over due.

Peace.

Friday’s Survival Sarcasm – Rock the Awesome

It’s that time again folks. It’s Friday and here is your weekly does of sarcasm and funny. A special thank you as always to someecards.com, happyplace.com, and bluntcard.com for making our Friday’s most awesome.  Today’s post is a mixture of cards, notes to neighbors (from happyplace.com) and signs (again from happyplace.com).  Let’s Rock Some Awesome!

This might take a moment

That's one big wiener!

heehee!

BAM!

Because I'm fabulous

I told you

Mr T+Unicorns and lightbolts=Awesome of course!

Me with most humans

I burn 0 calories mowing the lawn

I was worried on what to do if they weren't around

Whatever works

He's sneaky..watch out!

that's some shit right there

bahaha

with so many this is the case

massive suction

My day planner says the same thing!

Always!

There you have it.

I leave you with this…

Rock Your Friday

and as always…

Keep Rockin!

Peace

Friday’s Survival Sarcasm – Signs

Today installment of Friday’s Survival Sarcasm is brought to you by happyplace.com, which I found through someecards.com.  Over on Happyplace they have posted brilliant smart-ass responses to completely well meaning signs.  I think they are funny and I hope they give you your dose of Friday Sarcasm that we all need!

And there you have it.

Rock Your Friday!

and as always..

Keep Rock’n.

Peace

Friday’s Survival Sarcasm – Brought to you by the Letter F & #1

The following installment of Survival Sarcasm is brought to you by:

someecards.com and bluntcard.com

The Letter F

As In...

and the number 1

Now that that is out of the way let’s get this started, shall we?  We shall.

Shark Week needs to be over.

This is very true.

It has to start somewhere.

I'm going to start using this.

I hate that!

Your Public Service Announcement for the day

This is my opinion of the human race 97% of the time.

My life story

Well that pretty much sums it up!

FACT.

dumbass

I'm tired of having "swamp ass" it causes chaffing.

Shew...I'm glad they aren't going broke

Fatass

because it would be AWESOME

majority of the general public

try working out fatass

As always Rock Your Friday!

Peace.

Delete..Delete..Delete.

Alright let’s see here.  I have had a steady trend this week of negativity.  That sucks, I don’t like to be negative but it happens.  It happens because of asshats that walk the earth, they annoy me and at times they get the best of me and I become annoyed and negative.  That’s not very attractive.

The negativity grew last night as I hopped over to facebook to check in.  UGH.  What people post at times makes me scream in my head WTF and wonder how they function on a daily basis.  That prompted a little house cleaning.  I decided I will no longer except under age friends on there.  I had nieces and nephews in my friend list and found myself having to think of them before I post anything.  Well No More I say!  What I do say is “Delete”.  As I have said before some find facebook as a popularity contest.  I do not.  I went over to the Edit Friends Bar and had a drink or two.  I went down my list and if I read a name that made me think “who?” …. Delete.  If you are still as annoying as you were in high school…Delete.  Then I questioned why the hell I had accepted that damn request in the first place.  I’m such a softie sometimes.  Oh well.  I feel much better now that it is done and hopefully my news feed will be more tolerable for awhile.

I did take great pleasure in deleting one person from my list.  She was one of my sister’s good friends that I didn’t care for from the get go and my sister has finally seen the true light that radiates from her every pore.  She’s a shitty shady human that rubbed me the wrong way from the first day I met her but I always was pleasant and welcomed her because she was my sister’s friend.  She pulled a severe asshole move the other day with my sister and that pushed me over the edge in the like department.  I finally deleted her last night.  No more of her status posts that were always vulgar, gross and just wrong in many ways.  Now I’m no prude.  I enjoy gross humor, a little vulgarity here and there, it takes a lot to gross me out.  She thought she was always being funny but in reality it made her look stupid and like a whore which she is.  So yes deleting her made me happy.

Well Fnkybee why don’t you just delete your account and walk away to avoid the stupids that frequent the site?  Well the answer is quite simple.  I do enjoy facebook for the communication I have with my friends from back home.  Plain and simple and that is all.  So I will keep it around but believe you me, I will be delete happy when need be.

Here’s how this is going on facebook.  I have had a couple of asshat comments.

One more thing that is making me stabby this week is the constant tooth pain that I have from my temporary crown.  I am eating Advil like it’s leaving the Earth tomorrow.  Every 4 hours like clock work I am shoving more down my throat.  If I wait too long to take it the throbbing pain gets so bad it puts me almost in tears and throbs all the way up to my eye.  Yes I need to call the dentist and go back but I am leaving for vacation in 4 days and I’ll be damned if they are touching my mouth to make it sore or worse before I leave.  I most likely need a root canal and I’m stubborn and refuse to go through that before I leave.  I have learned to manage the pain so I will endure it until I return.  I’m tough. Not really that shit hurts.

Ok on that note I am off to be positive Damn It!

My tooth does not hurt, I love everyone, facebook is my favorite place to be!  I’m trying…I’m trying!

 

Monday’s Mumbles

I have the Monday Mumbles…

-B said the word “skrogged” to me last night.  I love that word and it has made me giggle since high school.  If you have never heard that word before and don’t know what it means here’s a clue…”So I skrogged you harder”.  Ponder and discuss.

-I woke up to realize a good friend is no longer on Twitter with us any longer.  I was instantly sad.  My days on Twitter just got a little darker.  I am now in mourning the rest of the day.

-I need to walk around with post it notes stuck on my forehead to remember everything anymore.  Age? To many drugs back in the day?  Not sure but it’s obvious that I can’t remember shit.  Last night I laid in bed and thought of a gazillion things to post about..how many have I remembered this morning…one.

-I have a shit ton of stuff to get done this week before we leave for vacation…IN 7 DAYS.  This time next week I will be rushing around like a crazy lady dropping the dog off at the kennel, taking the kids to my dads and trying to make it to the airport on time.  Plus I have to make it a point to be by the pool getting my tan on as much as I can this week.  Priorities people!

-I was thinking about leaving for our vacation the other night and for the first time ever got nervous.  I don’t know what the hell was wrong with me.  I thought about leaving the kids and it made me sad….WHAT!  I thought about flying and what could go wrong..WHAT!  Never before have these thoughts entered my mind before a vacation, it’s always been how quick can I get out the door and on our way.  Shhh thoughts, go the hell away, no one likes your kind around here.

-I am to the point of pulling excuses out of my ass to dodge an invitation this week.  I think I have dodged the bullet successfully with a text I just sent.  Fingers crossed.

-I am officially in sister withdrawal.  I haven’t seen or talked to my sister in over a week now and I am starting to twitch.  She is in a funk and needs to get out of it immediately.  When she enters her funk mode she cuts off all communication with me and pretty much everyone.  This drives me nuts!  I need a big dose of sista talk.

 

 

Friday’s Funnies – Get your Giggle On.

Yesterday I googled something looking for a picture and came across a slew of funny pics all coming from the same website, gimmeyourhand.com.   I immediately clicked on the link and went to check out the full site.  Let’s just say….Bahahahahaha!  So instead of Friday’s Survival Sarcasm, I give you Friday’s Funnies.  All pics and their Captions come straight from gimmeyourhand.com.

The following is from their “What the Crap?!” Page

"An F-5 tornado rocked the Keebler Cookie Factory today. The elves were devastated."

The future isn't looking good for those carrots.

Looks like a Rex Delaney family reunion a-brewin'

"Allow me to introduce our new Vice President in charge of Homeland Security Border Patrol..."

 

Dating on Craigslist. NOT a good idea.

Flint, Michigan stripper.

Somewhere along the line, a Teletubby porked a Village People.

Unfortunately for Kohler, their mascot, "Chester", sold more home security systems than faucets.

 Now some from their “Moment of Fail” Page

Oompa, Loompa, Dumpity-Doo. I'll shart my pants now, how about you?

Spy Kids?! FAIL!

Soap for the dirty whore.

It took Years of dedicated research to reproduce just the right taste.

"Yo. I just did me some laundry, bitches!"

The "L" is for "Luscious".

Young Rodney Dangerfield = Ninja.

 As Always Rock Your Friday!

Keep Rockin!

What the Crap?

Today’s installment of All Things Fnkybee is brought to you by….What the Crap?

Because..it's funny..

There is a song on the radio that concerns me.  I don’t know who it is by or what the name of it is and yes I could easily look that information up but I’m feeling lazy and don’t wanna, plus it’s my blog and I could do what I want.  Anyway…one of the songs lines or what is the main chorus goes like this

“If you see someone sexy tell them Hey, Give me everything tonight.”

Let’s discuss.  So you are at a club, you see someone across the room they you find sexy, you walk up to them and say “Hey, Give me everything tonight!”.  That’s a little forward don’t you think?  A little demanding in my opinion.  You just met this person and now you want everything?  Geesh!  What, you want my money, my bling or by everything do you just want my vagina?  If I was on the receiving end of this lovely pick up line I would First laugh hysterically in your face and then walk away or turn to my girlfriends and immediately start making fun of you because you are a douche.  What I find disturbing is what it is implying.  I know I know, it’s just a song but there are young influential brains listening and thinking maybe this is ok.  It’s not.  It’s not ok to demand everything from someone you just met and you find sexy because chances are if this is your way of thinking you are a complete toolbag to begin with.  It’s not ok *girls* to just give everything to some stranger because they find you sexy.  Morals!  Morals! Remember your morals Ladies!  I should write a “just ask Fnky” column because I’m so smart with the advice.  

Another “What the Crap!”  My husband has become fond of my iPad.  I was ok with this until……He walked in the bathroom with it.  I didn’t say anything.  Later in the day he picked it up and started doing whatever he does on it and then gets up off the couch, turns to me and says “this thing is great!”  I said “it is pretty awesome” and his reply is “it’s great because you can take it to the bathroom with you, every bathroom should come with one”.  Yeah..um…you are pooping with my iPad and I don’t know how I feel about that.  Literally..What the Crap!

My husband is one of the funniest people I know.  He is constantly making me laugh from the complete random things that come out of his mouth at the most random of times.  Oh Fnky please tell us an example of the comedy…Ok ok geesh!  Hold your panties.

The other night we are sitting on the couch watching tv.  We are not speaking to each other just watching.  Out of the corner of my eye I notice his hand is held up, fingers spread.  He is sizing up the side of my head with his hand.  I slowly turn my head and ask what the hell he is doing.  With out cracking a smile or missing a beat he says “What if I just smacked the fuck out of your face right now?”  ”That would hurt”  I just looked at him and then we both immediately start laughing so hard that I ended up with tears.  Now I know what you are thinking.  What the Crap?  That’s not nice or funny.  Well I hate to break it to you but it is.  You have to know B and his sense of humor.  He has never or would he ever lay a hand on me.  What made it so funny was the complete and utter randomness of it.  He is always pulling complete random shit out of his ass and catching me off guard with it.  That probably wasn’t the best most mushy example but we thought it was funny.  We also tell each other ‘I love you’ by flipping each other off.  That is something we have done since day one.  We are screwed up.

I love you B!

 

 

This May Hurt Your Brain.

Alright I got a bunch of nothing today but a bunch of random crap so here we go.  If this hurts your brain I apologize in advance.

-My husband was eaten by the Snore Monster last night which moved me to the couch.  That monster is LOUD and annoying.

-The fact that people actually spend their money on Britney Spears tickets blows my mind.  Why in the hell would anyone buy tickets to watch someone lip sync?  If you do you are a dumbass and if you are buying them for your daughter you should be slapped…twice.

-My cat is now known as Daisy the Ninja Cat.  You walk through a room and she comes out of no where and attacks your ankles.  This is not cool when you have hot coffee in your hand.

-It’s been almost 2 weeks since we have been at the pool at my Dad’s because of weather and other going ons.  Today it is blue sky’s and hot so of course the pool is out of commission.  FML.  I need sun, the kids need to be worn out..Its about my Sanity people, Sanity!

-Now that our trip is planned I have the perfect excuse to go shopping!  Oh yes, this girl needs new shoes.  Like how I used the word need?  Yeah I need a new pair of shoes because my 158 pair that I already own aren’t Vegas worthy.     I also need a dress and some shirts.  Yes I need them.

-Chances are that when I do go shopping I won’t find anything because I will be looking for specific items.  Why is this always the case?  When you are broke or just out for the hell of it you can find a shit ton of stuff you want but when you go on a mission you can’t find shit.  I must start now because multiple trips may be needed.

-I am tired of looking at my kids with their 4,379 tattoos on them. We are going to have a scrub fest today, their skin is going to be raw and red.

I will leave you with a funny video.  I may have posted it before, I can’t remember but it is one of my favorites so I will post it again.  The amount of time that my sister and I have spent quoting this video is disturbing and makes me question our brains.

Blog Lovin

I have a new blog that I stalk follow now on a daily basis, 27 & Counting.  Nicole is a breath of fresh air in the blogosphere and I enjoy her blog immensely.  She is a sweet tea lovin country girl from Kentucky living in Texas with her husband who is a secret agent or something mysterious like that     but also a roper.  You can tell by her words in her posts that she is just an all around genuine human. I love that!  Plus she promised me a spot in a rocking chair on her front porch with sweet tea in a mason jar waiting for me!  SCORE!

During my morning stalk stop by of her blog this am I noticed that she had won an award!  You go Girl!  You deserve it!  As I am reading and thinking Awwe! It’s so sweet, I notice she has passed along the award to fellow bloggers.  Guess who was one of them?  Go on Guess!

Your’s Truly…ME!  Fnkybee!

Uh Huh..Do a little Dance!

I won….Drum Roll Please…..

So in order to accept this award fully I must follow the rules of course.  I wouldn’t want to break them and get blog jailed.  So here we go.

1. Thank and Link the giver of the award.

Nicole..thank you, You rock my world.  Get that Sweet Tea ready!

2. Share 7 Radom Facts about yourself.

1. I never wanted kids, I couldn’t stand them.  I asked my mom at the age of 18 if I could get my tubes tied.  This is quite funny seeing that I have 2 of them now and was the President of our local MOMS Club Chapter for 2 years.

2. I think one reason I love tattoos so much is the pain.  If there comes the day that I can’t take the pain anymore, I’m officially old.

3. W was birthed naturally.  This was not by choice and it hurt..really bad.  I had an epidural needle in my back when I unknowingly pushed.  Needless to say the needle was taken out and it was game on.

4. I hit rock bottom in my younger years and dug myself out of the hole.  I think that is the sole reason why I appreciate every single thing that I have in my life now.  You don’t know what you have until it is all gone.

5.  When I sing I sound like a dying cow.  Just ask my kids.

6.  I was meant to be a princess or filthy rich.  That is so shallow of me but I could rock it like no ones business.

7.  If I was a princess I would want B to be my prince that rescues me from the evil witch. (gag me with a spoon, right?)

 3. Pass the Award to 10 Blog Buds.

1. My latin lover Marina over at Marina Sleeps. – She rocks the missing latin in me.

2. My cosmic twin Jen over at Firecracker3′s Musings – She’s my cosmic twin of course & we share the same brain over the span of states

3. My Las Vegas Lover Thy over at Thypolar’s Life Uncensored  - She’s my secret girlfriend and I love her

4. Thoughtsie over at Thoughts Appear – She rocks my world on a daily basis

5. The Soapbox – She tells it like it is.  That’s Right!

6. Pkitass over at All I know is This –  She is A-Mazing & has a coffee stealing cat named Chococat

7. Ann over at Waxing Lyrical – My Canadian friend that rocks my world when she posts

8. My Las Vegas Lover’s Husband over at Hacking Vegas – he has to share whether he likes it or not! AND his blog is awesome.

9. Tom B. Taker over at Shouts From the Abyss – He’s awesome and says poop a lot

10. Don’t Make that Face - I have no idea what her name is but she is Hil-arious

So there you have it people.  My award, my random facts and my list of award winning blogging buds.

Rock on with your bad selfs!