When a friendship turns down a one way only

One Way Ewell2

Image by satguru via Flickr

Why is it so hard to wash your hands of a questionable friendship? You would think after so many of the same occurrences I could just walk away from it and be done. I have tried and I have failed. I find that I get more mad at myself for letting myself get worked up and letting this happen again and again with one. My usual way of thinking is that if you can’t put in the time and effort I am done and will walk away and not look back. Good riddance. With one friendship I am failing at walking away. Is it because we are all so close and will be at the same gatherings when she does decide to show up, is it because we were so close at one time, is it because we do have so much fun together, that she has been there for me in the past when I needed someone? I don’t know. Friendship in my eyes is and will always be a two way street, I feel this one has veered off onto a one way only street. It takes two people to make it great and worthwhile. A good friend is always there, answers phone calls, comes to gatherings. They put in the effort regardless if they are tired or have a lot going on. I was smacked in the face Friday night once again by someone who I have considered in the past a good friend. At the last minute she bailed…again. And I again let myself get mad over it, I should be used to it by now. This time I let myself get worked up for about 5 minutes vented and moved on until the phone rang. It was her wondering if I received her text letting me know that she wouldn’t be making it. Yes I told her that I got it and she immediately went into a list of excuses of why she is not coming, the main one being she is just so tired and she has to work in the morning. This is fine and understandable when it is just every now and again..no it’s constant. Friday it just down right pissed me off, again. She told me that she was so tired and that she had been hitting the bed about 8:30. My thought..You can come over show face for an hour and be home in time for your “bedtime”. She went into a whole shpeel about how she was looking forward to it and wanted to see this person or that person and to tell everyone she said hello. Here’s a thought.. how about you drink a fucking cup of coffee like the rest of us and find the energy to show face. I will not tell everyone you said Hi, instead when they ask where you are I will tell them that you bailed…again. I have put so many invites out to her to do this or that and before I can ever get the full invite out she interrupts with an excuse. At times I have even called her out on the excuse and she just finds another. This gets so old so quick. But when she asks me to do something or come over to hang out, I go..why? Because that is what a friend does, I’m done..no more. I have tried to wash my hands of it and I quit putting in the time and effort but then she comes back around, it seems. I am learning that it is only on her terms when she wants to be involved in anything. What is so hard is I love her dearly. She is a great friend when she wants to be. I understand that life happens, we get busy, we get in ruts, we get jobs, we have kids that keep us very busy but what happens when you quit making the time? Friendships fall apart. Ours has been falling apart for over a year and it makes me very sad. She has went from a very good friend to a fair weather friend. I could sit here and get into all the specifics of it all and that would be a bit childish but the truth is I am over it, I am trying to lightly wash my hands of it once again.

Posted on October 25, 2010, in Events, Friends, life, Me and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. This theme is a constant in my life it seems. I am on your side when it comes to how you approach a friendship. People make excuses for people too often. They say, “oh well, you know how so-and-so is, it is just they way they are.” No I say, man the fuck up and suck it up and make it a two way street! It is the reason I delete people out of my life every year, every year! It is so sad that I have to clean house like that but people just are so disappointing sometimes. My failed Saturday night is par for the course with this guy, he isolates himself, makes excuses and expects people to accept it. I give them the “this is the deal, take or leave it” speech once when I hit my limit. The real deal people usually at least attempt to make amends the rest continue the same patterns. I am sorry to hear she bailed on your Friday night dinner. Her loss! 🙂

  2. A true friend is a treasure. Your friend was the “only if it suits me ” friend. The “always making excuses” is the clue. Why did she call you after she sent a text? Oh, yeah, attention! Did it give her a sense of power to know you were upset? She must have been completely secure in the fact that you would always care for her, no matter what. She pushes it to the limit consistantly. Another clue. Why? Because your friendship was unconditional and hers was not, it became clear the expiration date was close. I am so sorry. I went thru this a few years ago with my best friend since we were in high school. The signs were there for many years. You know that you are a great friend and good person. You have many friends who love you because you are such a great friend. Thanks for sharing.

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