Happy Birthday Mom, I Love you. I hope you are still dancing.
I wish you a very Happy Birthday, you would be 56 today. I want so badly to wish you a Happy Birthday again, to give you a hug, to say I love you just one more time. 6 years ago today was the last time I was able to do that. I think about your last birthday we spent together every year, Lindsey and I drove up to surprise you and the smile on your face when we walked around the corner of the house was so beautiful. Your babies were home to celebrate you and your babies still celebrate you every year…every day. We miss you today just as much as the day you were taken away from us. There has not been one day that has gone by that I don’t think of you or wish you were still here. I wish to only hear Hello the way you say it when you answer the phone, to hear Jamie Dawn or Lindsey Sue one more time or just to hear I love you. You were and still are an amazing woman who I look up to, you are my hero. We miss you so very much. I know you look after us from where ever you are, I can feel you watching over my family and that it is you that keep us all safe. I can feel you give me strength when times are rough, when I am feeling down and out. Still to this day I smile when I think of you. I watch Billy dance with the kids and it reminds me of Will dancing with you with his “dancing shoes” on. I love those memories. The memories of us dancing to Neon Moon blaring in the living room is a memory that I think about often and it always makes me smile. Lindsey and I dance together the way you did with us and we smile and laugh and we remember. It makes us feel like you are here again with us. We will always honor you and love you. You were the best mom in the world and the best grandmother for the short time you were here with my kids. I remind them of you and tell stories of you all the time. Will remembers you and talks about you. He asks many questions about you, why you got so sick, why you were taken away. Mom you would be amazed at my kids, they are so smart and loving and beautiful. Will is just amazing. He understands how I feel, he just gets it, he is so in tune with my feelings without me saying a word. He knows when I am missing you and where my tears come from. He doesn’t need to be told, he just knows. I was upset one day and he came over to me and put his arm around me and says “you miss your mom don’t you?”. It’s like he has a 6th sense, he can feel my sorrow and pain. He loves you so much and misses you too. He still talks about you by name, Mamaw Sue, and he talks about Peanut. I make sure to tell Emily all our stories and she asks about you too. Even though she only got to spend one week with you she will know you and keep you in her heart. She will know your love and how much you loved her. I get so mad that you only got to spend one week with her. She is so beautiful Mom and loving. I show them pictures all the time and tell them stories, I want them to know you, I want them to know that you loved them more than anything in this world. I try so hard mom, I do but it’s so hard without you here. I have so many questions that only you can answer. I feel so alone at times. No one can replace you, no one has the answers I need. I try so hard to be strong for Lindsey and I. I give Lindsey as much motherly love as I can and try guide her the right way. She misses you so much, she doesn’t say it too often but you know how she is, she doesn’t talk about how she is feeling all that much. I know she hurts, I can see it in her eyes at times. She has really stepped it up and has been here for me and the kids. She is an amazing woman and I don’t know what I would do with out her here with me. You would be so proud of her and the woman she has become. We both have came together closer than any other sisters I have known. I am thankful everyday for her, I am thankful that you gave us each other. We are each others strength we make it through together. Billy misses you too. I didn’t realize until after you were gone how much he loves you. You showed him true unconditional love, you welcomed him into our family and he became your son. He misses you everyday and talks about you to the kids. He gets it, he gets me, he understands the pain and the empty feeling because he has it too. I try so hard to understand it all, why it had to happen, why you were taken away from us when we still needed you. Those are questions that will never get answered so all I can do now is remember. The memories I have of my 28 years with you will forever be fresh in my heart and mind. The way we would sing, dance, laugh and just talk. When I feel that void in my heart tugging at me I remember and fill it with all of our memories and your love. I could tell you anything and whether or not you agreed with me, at that moment in time you would because that is what I needed right then, you are the only one that would do that for me. I can only hope to be the mom you were, to show my kids true love, to love life, to love each other, and of course to always dance. There are still times when I find myself reaching for the phone to call you to tell you about my day or where I am going. You were there for me more than any parent should be, you always had my back. You were my best friend, the best mom a girl could ever ask for. You will always be with me in my heart. I will always remember, smile and dance.
So where ever you are now I wish you a very Happy Birthday with all of my love. I miss you so much.
Always Dance Like no One is Watching…
Posted on November 17, 2010, in all things wonderful, Amazing, Beautiful, Events, family, kids, life, Me, miscellaneous, mothers, My Thoughts, Other and tagged beautiful, Birthday, Blog, Child, children, Dance, events, family, kids, life, Love, me, miscellaneous, Mothers, my life, other, Parenting, thoughts. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.