An observation or two and a Xmas song from me to you.

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo

Image via Wikipedia

A look inside my brain and some observations.

-My Halloween Post “lets get in the mood for all things spooky” has had more hits this week than it did when I originally posted it, I think.  Why are people searching Zombie Babies during Christmas?

-Its Flipp’n cold.  Here in Nashville we are 30 degrees below normal..we are supposed to be at 50 degrees not 20!  Oh mother nature, why oh why must you freeze us?  One reason I love Tennessee is the weather, if I wanted frostbite in December I would move back to Indiana.  You’re not being very funny so stop it!

-I let way too much nonsense junk accumulate in my wallet.  Last night I changed wallets and threw away half of what was in it, old receipts (a couple from last christmas), business cards, concert tickets-one from May 2009, a car insurance card that expired in April of 2009, a gift card with zero money on it and one that had a whopping $3 on it.  But Surprise!  I found a Macy’s gift card from last christmas that I never used and it’s still good!  Oh yeah baby!

-I hate that I am so nice sometimes, especially when I tell my husband and/or my sister something and get the same response from both which was “please tell me you didn’t respond to that”.  Well I did because it would be rude not to and I find it so hard to be that person that ignores this particular thing.  My initial reaction was not to respond, I honestly wanted to flip the thing the bird, say a few choice words and move on but I didn’t…instead I said a few choice words in my head and responded.  If it was different circumstances I wouldn’t have but I did.  New years resolution maybe…To not be so damn nice all the time!

-I am in need of a night out…big time.  I need an icy cold beverage in my hand that will get in my belly.  I need to let loose for a minute, I need to tie one on, I need to feel no pain.  Not that I am feeling any pain, but once I get a couple of drinky poos down I wouldn’t feel any pain if I had some.  Wine is definitely on the menu for this weekend with my sister in law here at the house but that isn’t letting loose.  I cannot let loose with kids running around me, I need to be out at a bar with loud nonsense music playing and stupid drunk people around me, well I don’t need the drunk people because frankly they annoy me but that just comes with the territory.   Next weekend I’m out on the town, believe you me.  Maybe I will go shake my groove thang somewhere.

-I have got to go to the doctor to get my knee checked out!  I can’t even walk up a flight of stairs now without it killing me.  Not cool man, not cool.  I am in no way shape or form liking this.  I am super human..doesn’t my knee know this?  Did it not get the memo?  I don’t have the time for a body part not to be in the super human loop.

-I thought I would be able to stay home today.  Unfortunately I have realized this is not going to happen seeing that I need one thing to complete what I want to get done today here at home.  Hello public, this is me with no makeup on and a hat hiding my bed head because I refuse to get all the way dressed today, put makeup on and fix my bed head hair to run to Walmart or the like to get this one thing.  I think my “Merry Christmas Bitches” shirt would be completely appropriate for todays outing but I wore it yesterday.   😦

-I am waiting for my husband to spring on me the last minute company Christmas party.  This is usually the case every year, he waits to the last minute and says “oh yeah we are going to have the Christmas Party here at the house or can you plan this real quick”.  I usually have less than a week, more like 3 days.  Maybe I will get lucky this year and have more time OR someone else will take care of it or have it at their house.

-I have realized I use entirely way to much tape when I wrap presents.  I am ridiculously anal when it comes to wrapping, god forbid an edge stick up.  No wonder it takes people 5 minutes to unwrap one of my gifts.

-I am sadly slacking in the pretty wrapping department this year.  I used to sit down and make every gift absolutely beautiful with ribbon and bows.  Taking my time to curl the ribbon, place everything just right on the package so it is pretty.  This year I picked up a pack of bows and put them back down, there is hardly any ribbon on any of the gifts.  My reasoning is not really me being a slacker, I have observed the pain in the ass the ribbon can be for people to get to their gifts, especially for the kids.  All they want is to rip open the gift as quickly as possible so they can move on to the next one.  Too much ribbon entails getting the scissors out, kids don’t have time for that.   😉   Or is it all the tape I use???  Haha!

-Billy bought me an Open X to make Christmas morning a breeze.  It is a tool designed to open the crazy plastic packaging that every company has decided to package their items in. You know the packaging…to pieces of heave duty plastic that is welded together at every seam so when you do cut the top off to rip it open there is a chance that your wrists will be slit right open.  What a mess that would be!  What is ironic about this tool is that it was packaged in the exact pain in the ass packaging it is designed to open!


Open X


I will leave you with lyrics to a Christmas song to spread the Christmas Cheer:

Mr Hankey The Christmas Poo:

We’ve all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose, and we all know Frosty whose made out of snow.

But all of these stories seem kinda…gay, ‘coz we all know who brightens up our holiday…..

Mr. hankey the christmas poo, small and brown, he comes from you. Sit on the toilet here he comes! Squeeze and twean your festive bums. A present from down below, spreading joy with a Howdy Ho! He’s seen the love inside of you, ‘coz he’s a peice of poo! Sometimes he’s nutty, sometimes he’s corny, he can be brown or greenish-brown (Mmm Mmm!) But if you eat fibre on christmas eve, he might come to your town.

Mr. Hankey the christmas poo, he loves me, I love you. Therefore vicariously he loves you (I can make a Mr. Hankey too! phrrrft)

Cartman: Well kyle, were is he?
Kyle: Ugggghhh. He’s comin’
Stan: Come on dude push!!!
Kyle: Uggggghhh. I’m trying!!
Stan: Wait wait wait!! I can see his head!!

Kyle: Ugggghhh!!!! Here he comes!!!! (phhhft)
Mr. Hankey: Howdy ho! I’m Mr. Hankey the christmas poo! Seasons greetings to all of you, let’s sing songs and dance and play! Now before I melt away! Here’s a game I like to play. Stick me in your mouth and try to say: Howdy Ho Ho, yum yum yum, christmas time has come!!!

Sometimes he’s runny, sometimes he’s burnt, sometimes he’s practicly water!! Sometimes he hangs of the end of your ass and won’t fall in the toilet ‘coz he’s just clinging to your sphincter and he won’t drop off so you shake your ass around, try to get him to drop in the toilet and finally it doooooeeees!!!!! (cough)

On that note…I’m out





About Jamie

Taking my time through this A-Mazing thing called my life. I'm the owner and photographer at The Adore Girls here in Nashville TN. Life is what you make of it and I am making mine...AMAZING!

Posted on December 8, 2010, in life, Me and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I am with you on trying to be “less nice” at the very least I am going to try to just be quiet.
    I am with you and support you for a fun night out on the town. I hope you get to do this ASAP! I would totally join you or take you out if I lived closer 🙂
    I wish I could do a hat and no makeup today too.
    As for gift wrapping, I have the same ailment as you: make it super pretty. Thankfully I have broken my tape habit via a 12 step program.
    Fingers crossed that Billy plans better this year with more notice!
    My Hunter Parrish post is still WAY too popular, there are people everywhere “having happy moments” late at night to the pictures 😉
    Have a good day and get that knee checked.

    • Yes I am trying to remain quiet so not to be too mean, after January 1st its on! haha!
      I really hope you can come with B in March! We will tear it up and have our night on the town!
      There is a 12 step program for tape? Sign me up!
      Knee is getting checked in January fo sho!
      have a great day!

  2. Ah, I first remember watching the Mr. Hankey episode so many years ago. It still makes me smile.

    Great holiday post! Gave me a much needed laugh this morning! Happy holidays!

    • I’m happy it made you laugh!!! I played the Mr. Hankey song for my kids awhile back (I know, I get the super mom award for that one) and they thought it was hilarious! Mom scored a cool point that day!
      Happy Holidays to you too!!

  3. Great post. The Mr Hankey thing made me laugh.
    And note to self: Dont kill yourself holding shit in. Let it ring!!!!

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