Self Checkouts, Convenient? Umm..NO!

So there are these things called Self Checkouts at stores now, I know you have seen them because well they been around for a some time now.  The purpose they serve, I am guessing, is convenience for us the customers.  You’ll understand why I use the phrase “I am guessing” here in a moment.  What a great concept they are.  Not only do you get to shop yourself, now you can check yourself out and bag all of your own crap.  The employees at the store now don’t have to deal with you and you don’t have to deal with them because the majority are all miserable anyway.  Just one more way to avoid personal human interaction.  So it’s a win/win right?  I don’t think so.  These Self Checkouts can suck my tooshie.  I have enjoyed using them, they are great when you are buying one thing or many two and the lines to all human interaction lanes are full, I just slip right over there scan my 1 or 2 things and I’m out the door and on my merry way.  I could only wish it was that easy every time.

It usually goes something like this.  I finish up my shopping and head my happy butt to the front of the store, I scan the checkouts..all full.  I don’t have that much stuff so I then scan the self checkouts..empty, lets do this.  There is a reason that the self checkouts are usually empty.  The reason is…these things suck!  They are not convenient like they want to you to think they are, they are not quick, you don’t avoid any human interaction, if anything you have more interaction than you would going through a normal check out lane.  And here we go…Scan the first item place in the bag, scan second item place it in the bag, scan third item and you hear this..”please wait for an attendant”.  SHIT!  Where in the flippity is the flipp’n attendant?  Oh they are over there helping someone else that just heard the message of doom.  3 minutes pass and here they come finally.  They are not pleasant, they usually push you out of there way so they can scan their ‘I’m high and mighty card’ put in the secret code and usually just walk away without a smile.  So I continue, scan put in bag..repeat.  Now we are at the moment where your bags are full and it is time to put them in your cart so you can start filling your 3rd bag.  God flippin forbid you move a damn bag.  So you hear one of two things….the 1st: please wait for an attendant OR the 2nd: please remove the last thing in your bag and rescan.  I just flipp’n scanned it and put it in the bag, I don’t want to take it back out and rescan it and have to pay for it twice!  So you look around to find the oh so happy employee with their magic freaking card and their code that would probably open the gates of hell.  Where are they?  No where to be found.  So you stand and try to wait patiently..1 minute passes…2 minutes…3 minutes…  I am about to flip my lid so I holler over to the checkout lady in the next lane…”Where is the attendant?”  I get the look of “well how the hell should I know?”  And she ends up looking around aimlessly for this person who is conveniently MIA.  Finally here they come to do the swipity swipe.  Oh hun, you can go ahead now.  Hun?!?!?  Who are you calling hun?  Do your flippin job and stay at your post!  You have the easiest job in the freaking store so where the hell did you go?  Oh you had to shit?  Well that can wait..there are depends in aisle 4.  So I then continue to scan and bag and I get to the second to last thing and there it is yet again “please wait for an attendant”.  I don’t have time to flippin’ wait again, this is the whole damn reason I am using the self check out so I can get my ass out of here.  At this point I have watched everyone that was in the human interactions lines go through, pay for their stuff and walk out the door.  This is how much ‘free time’ I have had waiting on the damn attendant to help me.  So they come and swipe and type in their code, and if they typed it in any harder they would break the screen, give a “humph” because I guess now I am inconveniencing them and they walk away.  At this point I want to look at the attendant..kick them in the teeth and let them know that I am an educated person, scanning items is not hard, I know what I am doing, it is not my fault I need your help, Its these freaking machines!  I am now convinced that who ever manufactures these stupid machines puts a glitch in them so you need the attendant and it gives them something to do, a reason to pay them.  Well that shit is for the birds.

Another pet peeve of the ole so handy self checkout that I have is when people abuse them.  I look at the self checkouts as a convenience (I use that word lightly because well you get it, I am pretty sure you just read that paragraph up there).  If you have a few things, you use them.  The story above is from yesterday at Publix, my usually happy place, I had just enough items to cover the bottom of my cart and I got them all in 4 bags.  Yesterday it was my hell place.  Anyway moving on to Walmart’s self checkout which is a whole other thing in itself…If you are at Walmart and you have a couple of things in your hands you want to use the self check out because Walmart is a nightmare and even though they have 538 check out lanes, usually only 3 are open and on a good day maybe 5.  Plus if you can walk into Walmart and not get a cart and only fill your hands, it’s a damn good day and you get an award.  Back to the scenario, you have a hand full of items, all 3 of the human checkout lines are 10 deep, you walk down to the self check out lines only to realize that they are all full, this is only at Walmart.  Some only have a couple of items but there are always the couple of customers with their 5 kids and an overflowing cart that for some reason thinks its a good idea to use the self checkout.  I want to beat these people.  Seriously, I have contemplated taking my shoe off and throwing it at them.  So not only do I have to wait for you to scan all your shit and with all that shit you are going to need the attendant at least 25 times, I am now going to stand here and listen to you yell at your kids because all kids want to help scan which will make them scream and cry.  God help me!  So you continuously scan the other 3 self checkouts for quicker people and see one open up, take one step towards it and get cut off by someone else with the exact same thought.  Shit!  So back to the line you were in behind the woman and her 5 screaming and by this point hyperventilating kids.  25 minutes later you have your 1 bag of shit and you are walking out the door.  I hate Walmart.

Self Checkouts are a wonderful concept if they would work properly, you would not need the attendant every 3 items and people did not abuse them.  I say screw them..I am waiting in a human checkout line.  Plus that way the employees actually do something and earn their pay.  Now put a smile on your face and bag my shit bitches.

Merry Christmas!

About Jamie

Taking my time through this A-Mazing thing called my life. I'm the owner and photographer at The Adore Girls here in Nashville TN. Life is what you make of it and I am making mine...AMAZING!

Posted on December 16, 2010, in humans, life, Me and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. OMG, I hate those things too. One or two items, okay. The computer lady’s voice is annoying. She always tells me to move the foreign object out of the bagging area. You mean my hand, that’s putting the crap in the bag?
    Whoever invented these things watched one too many episodes of ‘The Jetsons’.

  2. First, all points are exact on the issues these machines have. I feel as if I use them so frequently I have mastered how to carefully avoid many error messages now, but that is still very sad.
    Second, most stores (except for Wegman’s in my area) can seem to find people who can bad groceries thus the reason I use the self checkout, so I can do it myself and don’t have to tell the bagger-person, “no, please don’t bag because you really suck at your only job in life.”
    Third, the picture at the end of the post is f-ing hilarious! 🙂

    • When I do go through human checkout I am ridiculous on how I put the items up to be scanned. All box food together, all cold food, all meants, all drinks etc. I only hope that the bagger catches on. I’m retarded.

  3. I hate abusers of the self checkout lane. Do not take a shopping car full of items in to that lane!
    I have gotten to be a pro in the self checkout lanes. Cause I only have like 6 items not 100!

  4. Ugh, if you’re going to make 20 check-out lanes, WHY NOT USE THEM WHEN YOU’RE BUSY!?!?! This can apply to so many stores. And those self-checkouts make me want to scream…why do they end up taking longer than the normal check-out lines? I love how you can “place” an item in a bag, and it claims that you didn’t. Then, the cashier is needed to proceed in the process, which, inadvertently, makes the “Speedy Checkout” defunct. Sigh…facepalm!

    • Whats funny is that I went to Krogers tonight and only had a hand full of items and had my 2 kids in tow and what did I do? I used the self check out and then what happened? I stood there and I let the kids scan every item and be in people’s way! hahahah! Sweet Revenge! But on a good note no attendant was needed during checkout!

  5. We have self-checks, too. Sainsbury and Tesco are both good, as they ALWAYS have an attendant there – to check on the no alcohol to under 18 year olds. So hey, the drink laws are working in my favour!

    I generally do my Gosh, I am an old, gray-haired woman who does not understand technology act, and they do it for me, every time.

    Win for me, I think! And apologies to anyone stuck watching me.

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