Everything about this post is wrong, I blame the Nyquil.

Why do dogs like their butts to be scratched?  What if we were more like dogs?  What if we walked up to each other and said “Hi nice to meet you I’m going to sniff at your ass for a moment, I hope you don’t mind.”  “Oh No please do and when you are done I am going to sniff yours to see if you are a good human or not.”   That would be awkward.  What if scratching at each other’s butts was part of four play?  Or instead of hugging, my husband would walk in from work and scratch at the top of my ass to say hello.  Talk about weird.  But why things the way they are?  These are some of the things I think about from time to time.  Sad, I know and yes I need a hobby to occupy my time and brain.  But it’s a little weird when you sit and think about why things are the way they are.  What if dogs and cats were never domesticated but instead wild boars and jack rabbits were?  ‘Hey I’m going to run down to the animal shelter and see if there are any wild boars up for adoption, my son has been asking for one for.ev.er and my daughter wants a jack rabbit so bad she can’t stand it!”

Another one to think about is words.  Who determined what word meant what?  What if our words that we know today weren’t what they were and instead something completely different?  What if the word “beer” was given to coffee and vice versa.  “how many coffees did you drink last night because you were Ham-mered?”  Reply: “I don’t know but my cup of beer this morning is really helping.”  What if the computer was known as a flipaforborg?  “Man my flipaforborg just took a huge shit and won’t work anymore I need a new flibaforborg ASAP!”

I would love to get a time machine and go back to when words were being assigned to objects or meanings.  I would so screw up the English language as we know it.  It would be so much fun.  “Hey I’m feeling frisky you want to go shnoogle?”  “I love shnoogling, I find it therapeutic!”

I am pretty sure its safe to say the Nyquil from last night has taken my brain and squished into mush as you can tell.  Or this is what happens when you have 4, yes I said 4,  snow days in a row.  Good lord.  They might as well go ahead and call off school tomorrow seeing that they are already off on Monday for Martin Luther King day.  I mean what the hell are they going to do tomorrow if they go..watch a movie?  You know they won’t start any lessons.  Why waste their time and mine.

Tomorrow my friend gets here with her kiddos for 5 days.  I am so excited I might just pee my pants.  This girl and I have been friends since our Freshman year in high school.  We are all kinds of wrong when we are together…seriously it’s scary and frightens most people.  I haven’t seen her for a year and that was just a couple of hours, it has been over 2 years since I have spent any real time with her.  My kids will need therapy by next week after being around us.  For one her youngest is almost 2 years old and she still nurses.  I know completely weird, but her mom nursed her and her sister until they were 2 and she did it with her oldest and is almost done with her youngest now.  I give her credit for sticking with it for that long, seeing I didn’t last but a couple of weeks with both of mine and said “fuck that shit”, that’s for the birds and it hurts.  So needless to say her boob will be out from time to time and my kids will most likely be traumatized and need therapy at some point down the road.  I will be sending her the bill for that.  The things you put your family through for friends.  haha!   🙂     When your kid is old enough to say ‘boob’ its a little weird but whatever, to each their own.  I love her dearly and would do anything for her.  At least B knows what to expect and I think has prepared himself for what is to come of the weekend or he will just spend the entire weekend at the bar.  He hasn’t been around the two of us since we lived in Indiana 12 years ago.  It’s definitely a treat.

So with all that I am going to go check my brain now.

 

 

About Jamie

Taking my time through this A-Mazing thing called my life. I'm the owner and photographer at The Adore Girls here in Nashville TN. Life is what you make of it and I am making mine...AMAZING!

Posted on January 13, 2011, in life, Me and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Thank you for posting about the dog-butt-scratching thing! My roomie’s dog loves it when I do that, and since I’ve never had a dog before I’m always like, “Is that allowed?”

    Pee your pants kind of excitement is the best excitement. I hope you have a wonderful time with your friend!

  2. You bring a good point … I vote we change some words around. Like sex? That word gots to go. Its boring. Lets use your shnoogle or even lets patoodle.
    I got all these ideas now!

  3. Apparently I know a few weirdos because there is ass-related hellos….

    Five days of crazy…bring it!!!! 🙂

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