I will miss her when she goes…

At the moment the house has quieted down for the night and just myself is left awake.  I am feeling a bit emotional now that everything is calm and my brain can now process. My friend leaves tomorrow and I am already sad. Today it was just her, her boys and myself. We laid around and watched movies, ok it was the same movie twice, Despicable Me, her 4 year olds new favorite movie.  When my kids got home from school we took them all to Chuck E. Cheese for a little fun and then back home.  This evening while the kids played her and I sat in the kitchen talking about this and that, we broke out some old photos and reminisced for awhile, laughing, carrying on about my pregnancy photos and how huge I got and what we used to do. Then the conversation took a serious turn. We talked about my mom and what happened, we talked about my kids and how my son is so in tune with me, what my mom would think about my kids if she was here today.  The tears started to flow with both of us and we tried to keep it light with laughter but it was hard for me. It was the first time her and I really really in depth talked about it. I can usually keep it together when I tell the story but with her it was different. She feels my pain, she feels my sorrow, you can see it in her eyes. It is different with her. Then it was her turn to fill me in on what was going on in her life when we had lost touch, the drama, the pain she went through, what life was dealing her at the time. I felt her pain, her sorrow and it hurt my heart that I wasn’t there to hold her hand, to be her shoulder when she needed it. Yes she had others to go through it with but it wasn’t me and what I would do to turn back time to be there for her. She reminded me that I called her the day that the drama peeked with her. Call it intuition, I don’t know but I never knew what was truly going on with her until tonight. When I called her that day she had a friend answer and tell me that I had the wrong number. I knew that I had called the right number, I knew. Some time after that phone call when we talked and I asked her what was going on she would only tell me that it was a bunch of drama and that she was too embarrassed to tell me. So for many years that is all I knew. When she finally told me tonight my heart ached. I told her I was so mad at her when she told me she was too embarrassed to tell me way back when. It’s me..why wouldn’t you tell me..you know you can tell me anything. I was so sad to know that she didn’t want to share this part of her life with me then, but now I know and like I just said..if I could turn back time, I would have been by her side no question. Now she is happy, the drama is gone. She radiates with life, with a glow. To see her look at her boys, in her eyes you see nothing but joy and love. That makes me happy. There is a part of me that will rest easy now knowing what I didn’t know then, knowing how strong she is. Life is funny..I guess you can say us aging is funny too.  There have been many conversations over the last couple of days that have never taken place before. Maybe we were too young to worry, to think about certain things and just never asked, or we just didn’t know. Young minds. But this time around it was different. We are mature adults now..mothers with our own kids and maybe that is what sparked some questions about our pasts. I know with out a doubt in my mind that she is the strongest person I know. People tell me I am strong for what I have been through with my mother’s death and being there for my sister and family.  But she is strong in whole different way.  It’s a strength I couldn’t fathom having, a strength that you don’t choose to have..it’s something that you must have. I learned things about her that I never knew in the almost 20 years that I have known her. I have always respected her and tonight I sit here with a total different level of respect for her, for her strength, her views, her love.  She is truly amazing and I am honored to call her my friend.

We have laughed, we have cried. We have shared memories and stories. We have fell in love with each other’s children, held them tight and gave them many hugs and kisses with all our love.  It had been one of the best visits I have ever had with a friend.

As she walks out my door tomorrow to head back home, we will make a pact. A pact to never ever lose touch like we did before, to be there for each other, to make sure we are completely honest with each other and never to hide even the worst from each other. I am going to miss her more than she knows. I am just sad thinking about her leaving and that it might be summer before I can see her again. I can only wish that they get to move down here like both her and her husband want to do when the time is right. To have her back in my life full time would make me the happiest girl on earth. I have talked about friends before and how I can say I have only had 5 truly genuine friends through the years. She is number 1 on that list. I hope she knows how much she means to me and how much I love her. She is family and always will be.

I will miss her when she goes…

About Jamie

Taking my time through this A-Mazing thing called my life. I'm the owner and photographer at The Adore Girls here in Nashville TN. Life is what you make of it and I am making mine...AMAZING!

Posted on January 18, 2011, in life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Don’t be sad..be extremely happy that you had the chance to reconnect with her and make an even stronger bond! I loved this post…one of your best, dear!

  2. Without time away, the time together is never as sweet.

  3. I’m so glad that you got to spend some time with your friend! I hope you get to do it again soon!

  4. You two seem to be “friends forever” 🙂 Its really nice to get back in touch with someone so special to you. friends make our lives so wonderful!

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