Co-Sleeping/Family bed. Do you have your kids in bed with you?

Let’s talk co-sleeping, meaning your children in your bed.  I personally have never allowed this for a couple of reasons.  1. I hate a crowded bed, I like my space  2. I always had the thought of if I let my kids sleep with us when they are young, I am just creating a monster who will never be able to sleep alone in their bed.

I don’t understand this thinking about having the kids in your bed.  When my son was little I would lay down with him at nap time and bedtime to help him fall asleep.  And it was usually putting him to bed in our bed and then when we were ready to go to bed I would move him to his.  One of the biggest mistakes I ever made.  Yes it was cute, yes it was nice to snuggle with him and have that time but when he became 2 years old it got old quick.  I found myself at nap time after he had fallen asleep sneaking out of the bed.  Literally rolling off the side so not to move the bed when I was getting up because the slightest movement he would wake up and I was right back down.  Ridiculous.  Here I was with a newborn and my son still wanted me to lay down with him.  This did not work.  I had to break the habit and it was hard.  I could only imagine how hard it is to break the habit of your children sleeping with you.  On top of that, what happens to ‘your’ time, when do the husband and wife just get to have time alone in their bed whether it is to just lay in bed alone and snuggle or have sex or to just simply talk.  On the local news this am they did a story on this.  Talking to a few families that do have their children in bed with them…every..night.  I am blown away.  Their thoughts were it’s the best way to wake up, we are creating a loving lasting bond with our children, it’s family time or I would rather have the kids in bed with me sleeping a solid 7-8 hours instead of getting up in the middle of the night.  I so disagree.  Clinical studies show it is not healthy for this co-sleeping to take place and a bit wrong especially when the kids are older.  I so agree.  Now when if one of my kids come in to our room in the middle of the night sick or with a bad dream then we will let them hop in the bed but this is a very rare occasion.  My daughter is a sneaky little booger and will come in saying she had a bad dream, one night this is cool, if she pulls it two nights in a row I’m on to her and she goes back to her bed.  My daughter was never one to have or want someone in bed with her.  I am pretty sure she gets this honestly from me.  I was so thankful for this. The occasional nap snuggle was splendid and I loved it but I was so happy she didn’t require it or that I let a bad habit start again.

This can’t be good for kids to sleep with you, in my mind.  I would love to read about a study that focuses on kids that sleep with their parents and the attachment they have.  Do the kids totally flip out when they are away from their parents?  Do they flip out when the parent drops them off at school or the babysitter?  What kind of attachment is this creating?  A completely dependent attachment?

From our experience, and I am solely basing this on my marriage and our experience, couples have to have ‘our time’.  I find it essential to a wonderful marriage.  Some might not need this but we do.  We have to have a night away every now and again, we have to have our alone time in the evenings, I have to have quiet time for at least an hour after the kids go to bed, we have to have sex and we enjoy it immensely.  One couple that they interviewed on the news this am was asked “when do you guys get know”.  Their answer, when ever we can, it’s quick and sporadic and when and where ever we can get it in.  Really?  And you are ok with that?  Just a little quickie here and there.  Don’t you want to be alone with your husband in the confines of your own bed with no time limit?  Don’t you want to have the time to be romanced and/or have time for some foreplay so it’s just not wham, bam thank you mam?  I don’t get it.  I heard from a friend one time that they get it in when ever they can…even going to the walk in closet for a quickie and they kids coming in and yelling for them.  I totally get that you do what you can when you can…I get it, I really really do.  But I just think every couple needs their time during the day.  And I believe that some of that time should be spent in your bed..together…alone.

So what are your thoughts on the co-sleeping aka family bed?  Do you have your kids in bed with you?

I have friends that let their kids sleep with them every night.  By no mean am I slamming or disrespecting anyone for their choices, this is simply my opinion.

About Jamie

Taking my time through this A-Mazing thing called my life. I'm the owner and photographer at The Adore Girls here in Nashville TN. Life is what you make of it and I am making mine...AMAZING!

Posted on January 22, 2011, in life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Bad news. The attachment issues, lack of intimacy for the adults, etc. I think letting pets sleep in the bed is a no-no as well. Everything has a time and place and rules are set for a reason, because they work and sometimes you can bend but to me sleep is sacred and not to be messed with! You need it to be the best you can be during your waking hours 🙂

  2. As a first time parent this is really hard to break. I know that for the first month we let our little one sleep with us and then the second month he was pretty good about sleeping in his own bed in the same room… but the last week the only way to get him to sleep is with us.

    We don’t like it him sleeping with us and I understand your argument. But as a first time parent it is difficult to just lay your kid down and let him wake up every 5 minutes and cry until you console him.

    • I totally understand that and I was writing from more of a toddler stand point and should have clarified that. I apologize. When mine were newborns I slept in the living room for at least the first month when the feedings were constant and then they were in their crib in our room until they were around 6 to 7 months. So I am guilty in that stand point that they were in our room but never had them “in our bed”. it’s hard especially as a brand new parent and I learned with my first what to do and what works best for us for when the second came along.
      Happy parenting! And thanks for stopping by and commenting!!!

  3. No children in my bed unless it is morning. Light outside.

    My children were bedwetters for a while. When they had pulled the sheets off the beds, whoever it was would come and stand in our bedroom. And stare at us till we woke. I honestly did not know I was that frightening about Never Wake Us Up! but I guess it worked. I did feel sorry for them – but not enough to change how I feel about My Sleep Time.

    • My kids won’t wake us up either they just stare at you until you open your eyes and about jump out of your skin. It’s so creepy.
      I’m with you…it’s my sleep time, get in your own bed and sleep.

  4. Guilty. I have an 8 year old with autism and intellectual disabilities who is insanely attached to his mom. He’s basically been sleeping in our bed for the past 5 years. Doesn’t affect my sleep at all anymore. One of these days we’ll get him out and sharing a bed with his brother (got that to work for a month, but fell apart when we had to share over family vacation), but it’s hard to engage in something you know is going to be so hard when the downside really isn’t so much (we can talk all we want without waking him, and intimacy simply takes place elsewhere). I’m under no illusions that this is best for our family or any of us, but it’s simply been the path of least resistance in a family life that’s already hard enough (3 other kids, including a baby and one with ADHD).

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