We have an invisible UFC Octagon in my living room where Pokemon fight
Friday was the longest snow day known to man. I found myself counting down the minutes until my dad got here to pick the kids up for the weekend. When I learned they were out of school I got excited thinking just maybe dad would come and get them earlier in the afternoon. Not the case. They had a meeting in the afternoon and wouldn’t be here till around 4 or 5. I almost cried. My kids were at each other all day. They would play fight/wrestle and have pokemon battles. But what would happen is they would get all wound up and play so hard that someone would get hurt and then it broke into a UFC fight. Like an imaginary octagon popped up in the living room. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt..then they get pissed and want to KO the sibling. That’s where I lose my cool.
W usually is the one that instigates the play fighting/Pokemon battle and E isn’t scared. She picks a pokemon and just dives right into it and gives it all she has. This girl will blow your mind with her pain tolerance, unless you are brushing her hair and then it’s all tears and screams, but she will take on W like she is just as big as he is. He likes to dish it but can’t take it because when he gets hurt he turns into a possessed UFC fighter. He gets this look on his face and will go after her like he is going to rip her head off.
He never really ends up hurting her because he knows I will cut his fingers off and shove them up his nose if he does, but if looks could kill I would be less one child. That’s where I come in. I guess you could call me the doctor that has to come into the octagon once a fighter gets hurt to determine if the fight can go on. The doctor isn’t very popular, especially when he/she has to end a fight. This is usually how it goes down..
Em gets W good one time and I hear the yelling begin. W has began the transformation process into Kimbo and Big John has thankfully stopped the fight for a moment for the doctor to hop in the octagon to have a look. The doctor mosies in to access the situation and this is what I hear:
Me: What in the world is going on in here?
W aka Kimbo Slice: “She..blah blah blah…pinched my finger…blah blah blah..she did it on purpose…blah blah blah…OUCH!
Meanwhile E is standing there ready to defend herself from any and all accusations made by big brother. All while looking as innocent as all get out.
My professional response “if you can’t take getting hurt then why in the hell are you wrestling?”
His response: We were playing pokemon.
My response: “Well then you need to bring it down a notch because you guys are getting carried away and you end up getting hurt”.
Me: “That’s it..Knock it off if you can’t take the heat of pain”
I now declare the fight over. E takes the victory this fight.
W by this point is now pissed at me and stomps off to his room only to walk back out pouting with his head held low. I look at him and ask what his problem is and he tells me “You take all the fun out of it because we can’t be rough anymore and it’s no fun”. Well how about that! You are the one that gets all pissy when you get hurt but when I say to stop it and bring it down you get pissy all over again and now I am the bad guy. Well kid, life sucks and it’s not fair and you will get hurt so if you want to continue your pokemon/ufc fight you need to suck it up and not get mad and learn to deal with the pain so the doctor doesn’t have to come in and declare the fight over and give the victory to your sister…..your little sister. That always gets him.
This went on about 4 more times throughout the day until the ultimate referee came…The Grandpa. Then it was all smiles and laughter from the two fighters/pokemon.
Throughout the weekend I would call to check in with them and see what they were up to. My dad and step mom would tell me this: “They are so good this weekend, they have just been playing so nicely together”. I am thinking “the little shits, sure be good for them and get along and act like you like each other”. Dad goes on to say how wonderful they have been playing together, they have not fought once, not even a foul attitude towards each other. I go to pick them up yesterday and he tells me that it has been one of the most relaxing weekends they have ever had with them. Great..I am so happy for you and your relaxing weekend with the kids. What the hell is that? Aren’t they supposed to be balls to the wall for the grandparents? You would think. Then 10 minutes before we are ready to leave to head home they begin. They want to fight and argue. I hear Dad get on them and say “You guys have been good all weekend, don’t start now”. See they are smart little boogers and are about to leave the grandparents abode to come back home to the octagon. In their minds it’s time. This is why I could easily become an alcoholic at any given moment.
Posted on January 24, 2011, in life and tagged Blog, Child, children, events, family, Home, House, Human, Humor, kids, Kimbo Slice, life, me, miscellaneous, Mothers, my life, other, Parenting, thoughts, Ultimate Fighting Championship, World Wrestling Entertainment. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.