Dear Ants, This year I have an Anteater & an Aardvark. Bring it.

Dear Commander of the Ants,

Everyday for the  past week I have walked into my kitchen to see that you have sent in a few of your scouts to scope out my counters for the spring.  They haven’t made it home have they?  No, because I take great pleasure in squashing them and I laugh each time.  I am on to you and your shenanigans.  You will not defeat me this year.  Last year you gave me a good run for my money. You couldn’t handle the over saturated ground from the flood could you?  So you took it upon yourself to find a way into my bathroom along with my kitchen.  You thought you had me defeated, that you could just over run my house with your troops.  I showed you, it took a bit longer than usual but in the end I won.  This year you won’t be so lucky to last as long.  Oh no.  I am prepared.  I am cleaning my weapons, filling my bottles, I have my camos out and my war paint ready.  Game on.

That’s right, I’m getting an aarvark or an anteater.  No scratch that, I’m getting both.  Yes they are different animals but they both eat…YOU!  Plus I just want an Aardvark for a pet anyway.  So just try to come up in my kitchen like you own the place…Not today Ant Bitches!  I’m bringing in the big dogs.  You have no chance.  You think you can just come in and set up shop, take over.  Sorry to piss on your ant parade but it ain’t happening this year.

First you will deal with…

I wouldn’t step to that…

You got no chance.

If he doesn’t eat you up, you will then deal with..

That’s right an Aarvark…who is awesome.  Not just any aardvark, this one is a gangsta and he’s pack’n.

See his bling? He will crush you, he will eat you for breakfast.

You stand no chance in my home this spring.

If you do think you and your troops are man enough, bring it.  I’m waiting.  Just know that I plan to starve my anteater and aardvark from here on out so they will be salivating when you decide it’s time for the full on war.  If I were you I would run, find another house because this year you are going down.  I’m not playing around.

Stick that in your ant hill and smoke it!


The bitch who has an anteater and an aardvark.

ps. If you do make it past my new pets, please feel free to take advantage of the lovely resorts sitting around my kitchen.  They will have vacant rooms just waiting for you.  Come in, get comfy and make sure you have a bite to eat.

About Jamie

Taking my time through this A-Mazing thing called my life. I'm the owner and photographer at The Adore Girls here in Nashville TN. Life is what you make of it and I am making mine...AMAZING!

Posted on March 14, 2011, in life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. I love the images you found on the first search for pictures! I am all for an Aardvark as well, double teaming is usually fun…wait, wrong post…nevermind…anyway fun post!

  2. But didn’t you hear scientists just discovered zombie ants? You’ll never get ahead of the ants. They always have another plan.

  3. LMAO! I have so been there. I got your back girl. I’ll come equipped with a biohazard suit and nuke ’em. Yes, I just happen to have a biohazard suit laying around specifically for times like these (don’t judge me) 😉

    • Thanks! I won’t ask why you have a biohazard suit but I will ask to borrow it! 🙂 I will not judge but I will know that you are prepared…for anything!

  4. Good thinking! My ants have groan immuned to Lysol and Windex! It is time to bring in the big dogs!

  5. Wait, are they really different animals? My whole worldview is shifting right now. Damn.

    • I know I feel your pain, girlfriend. Part of me thought they were the same, then google crushed my world. I still want an aardvark for a pet, just so I can say aardvark all the time. Or I might just name my next dog aardvark.

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