Why the Chicken Crossed the Road.
Holy mother of the Rapture, my week is so long and so boring! Nothing exciting is happening, well until Saturday when I start begging for death, I might start begging now due to boredom. OMG! Has my shunning already started? Death by boredom is my punishment! CRAP! I think I will go shopping to spice things up. I’m sticking my tongue out at the rapture, You will not Bore me! I will find something exciting to do!
I was driving to my Dad’s yesterday and I almost hit a Rooster crossing the road. I am not kidding, I am not making this up. He was just strutting his chicken shit across the road when I came around the corner. I slowed down with him right in front of my car and all I could see was his wings going nuts. I bet his thought was “DAMN IT why am I a Rooster and why can’t I FLY!” So I stopped and put the car in park and got out. I walked around the front of the car and he was having an anxiety attack. I asked him why he was crossing the road and he said….wait for it….it’s the answer you all have been wondering…..
To get to his family to warn them they will all die because the Rapture is going to happen on Saturday!
I kid you not people. He went on to tell me that he just found out that Jesus will not save the Roosters and chickens because Jesus says they are too loud, he likes to sleep in the morning and not be woken up by a stupid rooster at the crack of dawn. Well, I can’t blame him there. He also said that Jesus won’t take smelly animals. Shit, I’m going to be stuck here with a bunch of smelly animals for the next 5 months. If Jesus isn’t taking smelling animals I bet he isn’t taking any smelly people either. Crap the luck! I am totally stocking up on deodorant to hand out and febreeze to spray people that refuse the deodorant.
After holding his wing and making sure he made it across the road I wished him well and reassured him he will not be alone. I will be there too and that I am throwing a huge party come Saturday and that all the roosters and chickens are invited. Party on my chickens.
See I really have nothing more exciting to talk about than almost hitting a freaking rooster.