The Low of a Battle

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It’s hard to watch someone you care about get sick, to wither away down to nothing, to try to stay strong for everyone around them, but yet get tired of trying.  It’s hard to watch someone you love struggle with watching this happen to someone close to them.  You watch their face change from day to day with the ever changing news from good to bad to good to bad.

What I am talking about is my sister and her best friend’s struggle with Ovarian Cancer, we will call her BC.  When I see my sister stressed out from worry, I feel it too.  I worry about her and what is going through her mind…the stress, the worry, the concern, the sadness, the empty feeling that is growing in her heart, the hope that she has and the want for that to stay strong.  BC was my sister’s best friend since the day she moved here.  BC has become part of our family, she has become like a second sister.

BC is in an awful battle with ovarian cancer but is also struggling with staying strong…putting up the fight that it takes to make it through.  BC has had a rough road as of late with multiple hospital stays, the last two lasting 2-3 weeks each.  She is struggling with her weight, she is down to 85 pounds.  She is struggling with the Chemo treatments, keeping food in her system, hydration etc.  She no longer wants to get out of bed for a short walk around her apartment.  Yesterday my sister got a phone call from BC saying she hasn’t been feeling well and she has decided to go to the doctor to see what is going on again.  She called back after going to the doctor to tell my sister that she is being admitted once again to the hospital and asked her to come sit with her while her boyfriend and sister go home to pack for the stay.  We were in a store finishing up some shopping with this call came in.  On the way home my sister received another call from a friend explaining the truth behind the hospital admittance.  I hear my sister in disbelief in the backseat, my heart dropped, my mind went to the worst news, I drove in silence waiting for the call to end to be updated.  We arrive home and she hangs up with her friend and she is livid.  My stepmom and I ask what is going on and brace ourselves for bad news.  The truth was that BC had begged to be admitted to the hospital.  My sister is shaking with anger, BC has given up and wants to be in the hospital.  BC is surrounded by people that love her, that are asking her to stay strong and fight.  BC has fought, she has fought long and hard but she is becoming tired.  That is to be expected.

The question is when as a friend do you cross that line and get in her face and let her know that she must not give up..she must keep fighting.  Is it completely out of line to tell BC to quit being selfish and fight not only for herself but for everyone around her?

BC agreed earlier to seeing a counselor to help her mind through this.  She has yet to talk to anyone, she has also stopped taking her depression medicine.  This is not good.  BC can be a handful when she is not in a good mood (which woman can’t be) and of course everyone around her is trying to keep her as happy as can be.  Absolutely nothing wrong with that.  But when do you say enough is enough and take the chance and intentionally piss her off and say point blank..You will talk to someone whether you like it or not, you will take your medication, you will keep fighting..you will not give up!  Your intention is not to make her mad and upset but help her to deal with the cards that she has been dealt.  Her loved ones don’t want to cause any unnecessary stress, I wouldn’t either but yet you don’t want to see BC give up and say she can’t do this anymore.  No one wants to hear that.  No one wants to lose the gem that BC is to this world.  She is loved by all and the world would become a shade darker without her in it.

My sister left my house yesterday afternoon with this struggle.  As a friend when do you cross that line and quit enabling her to make this choice of giving up.  When do you look her in the eye and say “you will not give up and leave me, your family, and yourself”.  I have yet to hear what all happened last night at the hospital but I can only hope for the positive.

I was talking to someone else about all of this last night and their outlook is not good.  I wanted to jump through the phone and strangle this person.  You can’t think negatively!  I don’t want to hear your reality outlook on the situation and so help me god if this person says what was said to me to my sister I will have words with them and it won’t be pretty.  I do believe they know better but still, I wouldn’t put it past them.

I refuse to let my thoughts turn negative.  We all must stay positive, have beautiful thoughts of recovery and victory for BC.  She needs the strength from everyone around her, everyone that loves her more now than ever.

We love you BC, stay strong, stay with us and fight.

About Jamie

Taking my time through this A-Mazing thing called my life. I'm the owner and photographer at The Adore Girls here in Nashville TN. Life is what you make of it and I am making mine...AMAZING!

Posted on June 2, 2011, in family, Friends, life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I lost my dad to cancer not too long ago, so I know a bit about this. You’re in a very tough situation with no clear answers. You’ll have to try to do what your heart and mind tell you. None of us can imagine what she’s going through, but I do know that having people like you in her life does make a difference for the better.

    • I am sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my mom 6 years ago to cancer but hers was very very quick as in 4 days. We didn’t have to watch her struggle and wither away. It is different with BC bc this has been going on for almost a year now and she is only 30 year old. It’s hard. You are right we can’t even begin to fathom what she is feeling, thinking and going through. It breaks my heat all over again.

  2. I’m sorry to hear about BC. I hope she gets stronger soon.

  3. You read my mind, as I was out running I thought of BC and if she would be well enough to appear at the bday party then I look at my Twitter feeds and see your post.

    Being as I am Captain Reality I am torn on this one. Sure medically things do not look good as most would say and agree. However, that is still no reason to throw up your hands and say, “okay I am done!” It is hard to know what it is like to wake up each day knowing you may not get better.

    My aunt is having a difficult time with that as well, she has given up and doesn’t try to be better even though some of her issues are treatable and managable. It is a constant battle between her mind, her body and those around her with differing views. She has been given the “stop this nonsense” speech but if the person receiving it doesn’t have even a little hope left in them it falls on deaf ears. Only those closest to BC can know if she has that little bit left…

  4. I know what you mean.
    Its hard when to know when to say Enough.
    Other than remind that person how much she is loved, how much you all see her fighting thats really all you can do. You don’t know what she is feeling.

    If there is any chance of hope remind her of that.

    It was like that with Gus’s mother. She fought the entire way. She was the strongest person I know.

  5. This is a subject that I am extremely emotional about and could go on for days. So I will just say this…..

    I am so sorry that you and your family have to experience this. I wish there were things that could be said to make something like this easier for everyone involved. We tend to search for the words but the truth is that there just aren’t any.

    Sometimes the only thing you can do is reassure someone that they are loved, wanted and needed. My thoughts are with you!

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