What the Crap?

Today’s installment of All Things Fnkybee is brought to you by….What the Crap?

Because..it's funny..

There is a song on the radio that concerns me.  I don’t know who it is by or what the name of it is and yes I could easily look that information up but I’m feeling lazy and don’t wanna, plus it’s my blog and I could do what I want.  Anyway…one of the songs lines or what is the main chorus goes like this

“If you see someone sexy tell them Hey, Give me everything tonight.”

Let’s discuss.  So you are at a club, you see someone across the room they you find sexy, you walk up to them and say “Hey, Give me everything tonight!”.  That’s a little forward don’t you think?  A little demanding in my opinion.  You just met this person and now you want everything?  Geesh!  What, you want my money, my bling or by everything do you just want my vagina?  If I was on the receiving end of this lovely pick up line I would First laugh hysterically in your face and then walk away or turn to my girlfriends and immediately start making fun of you because you are a douche.  What I find disturbing is what it is implying.  I know I know, it’s just a song but there are young influential brains listening and thinking maybe this is ok.  It’s not.  It’s not ok to demand everything from someone you just met and you find sexy because chances are if this is your way of thinking you are a complete toolbag to begin with.  It’s not ok *girls* to just give everything to some stranger because they find you sexy.  Morals!  Morals! Remember your morals Ladies!  I should write a “just ask Fnky” column because I’m so smart with the advice.   😛

Another “What the Crap!”  My husband has become fond of my iPad.  I was ok with this until……He walked in the bathroom with it.  I didn’t say anything.  Later in the day he picked it up and started doing whatever he does on it and then gets up off the couch, turns to me and says “this thing is great!”  I said “it is pretty awesome” and his reply is “it’s great because you can take it to the bathroom with you, every bathroom should come with one”.  Yeah..um…you are pooping with my iPad and I don’t know how I feel about that.  Literally..What the Crap!

My husband is one of the funniest people I know.  He is constantly making me laugh from the complete random things that come out of his mouth at the most random of times.  Oh Fnky please tell us an example of the comedy…Ok ok geesh!  Hold your panties.

The other night we are sitting on the couch watching tv.  We are not speaking to each other just watching.  Out of the corner of my eye I notice his hand is held up, fingers spread.  He is sizing up the side of my head with his hand.  I slowly turn my head and ask what the hell he is doing.  With out cracking a smile or missing a beat he says “What if I just smacked the fuck out of your face right now?”  “That would hurt”  I just looked at him and then we both immediately start laughing so hard that I ended up with tears.  Now I know what you are thinking.  What the Crap?  That’s not nice or funny.  Well I hate to break it to you but it is.  You have to know B and his sense of humor.  He has never or would he ever lay a hand on me.  What made it so funny was the complete and utter randomness of it.  He is always pulling complete random shit out of his ass and catching me off guard with it.  That probably wasn’t the best most mushy example but we thought it was funny.  We also tell each other ‘I love you’ by flipping each other off.  That is something we have done since day one.  We are screwed up.

I love you B!



About Jamie

Taking my time through this A-Mazing thing called my life. I'm the owner and photographer at The Adore Girls here in Nashville TN. Life is what you make of it and I am making mine...AMAZING!

Posted on July 7, 2011, in Humor, life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. It may sound alarm to take your device into the bathroom, but if done properly, it can be remarkably rewarding. There is, of course, a protocol that must be followed. You have to remain mindful that certain things happen in a certain order. That’s all.

    That kind of laughing is great. I’m glad it worked out that way. I guess he knows his audience. For some reason, when I think something is funny and my wife doesn’t, I do a lot more of it. Never seems to pay off.

  2. We like to tell eachother also that they’re “#1” too. If you can’t flip your spouse off and laugh about it, then there’s a problem.

    I flip my neighbor off when I want to say “hi”. He laughs and then moons me. Yeah, I live in PA. Welcome.

    Funny thing is if a girl walked up to a guy and said “I think your sexy, give me your everything”, he’d probably oblige. Like, guys don’t care. Sure, wanna fuck, let’s do it!
    If a guy walked up to me and said that, there’s a certain criteria that he must pass:
    He has to be good looking.
    He has to look clean.
    He has to be around my age (I ain’t no cougar)
    He has to somewhat sober (it may have taken him a couple drinks to get up the nerve to ask me such a thing).
    I would take it as a compliment, but like I mentioned, he has to pass the test. Then I would get to know him before jumping the plank with him.

  3. i see you haven’t been viewing msuic videos for the past…oh…20 years. “give me everything” is kind of tame. Not that it doesn’t deserve the derisive laughter aimed at the schmuck who would try such a pathetic line…

    don’t tell the tampax people about iPads in the bathroom…they might get some very strange new product ideas…

  4. Ha, I love that dynamic with B! As for the songs, yeah there is a great deal that is questionable. Some young girls DO need a list of things to do and not do handed to them in life. They need the guidance.

  5. Dude I love you guys. Seriously …that is the only way to roll. Your hubs is suppose to be your best friend… someone you can joke with.

    Me and Gus are the same way. But mostly its me with the random stuff.

    Dude what song is that?

  6. All this time I thought the finger meant something else. Hmmm (thinking) I lot of people love me. 😉

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