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I was told “You Are My Angel”. I cried.

Last night I received a phone call from a friend from back home.  She is going through a difficult time right now, she lost her dad suddenly just over a month ago.  Her and I are friends on facebook of course and her status updates crush my heart at times because I know exactly what she is going through from her head to her heart.  She contacted me through facebook saying she knew I would know what she is going through and if I had any advice for her.  I was touched.  I told her to call me or the message would be a novel.  She did.  We talked for over an hour about her struggles, her emotions, her anger, her heart.  I told her it would get better.  When you lose someone like a parent that is the last thing you want to hear.  I know this from experience.  Someone would tell me that I wanted to punch them in the face.  I told her I know how it makes you feel when you hear this but to know it is the truth.  It won’t be better tomorrow, it won’t be better next month, it might not even be better in a year but eventually it does.  It took me 2 years after my mom passed for it “to be better”.  I reassured her that I did not want to scare her with this information because her time will be different than mine, but it will happen.  You must be strong but you must let yourself grieve…deeply.  That is why it took me so long because although I did grieve I didn’t let myself grieve deeply for almost 2 years.  I was too busy being strong for everyone else, being a mother and wife to look into myself and deal with the pain.  I look back and the 2 years that I was a walking robot, numb and just going through the motions and it is a blur.  A complete blur.  That is not healthy.  You must dig deep within yourself and let it out, let it go.  Not let go of the person, the memories, and the love but let go of the anger, the hurt, the pain of your loss.  That is what gets in you and eats you up inside, it’s what makes you numb.  Everyone has their own timeline when dealing with a loss, for some it’s easy to get through and for some it crushes them down to where they can’t function.  You have to find a balance.  You have to take care of yourself, you have to deal with what is inside of you to move on.

She has been struggling with the fact that no one knows what she is going through.  They say they can assume but really, unless you have been through it yourself, you don’t know.  What makes her and I’s stories unique is that we lost our parents when they were still young and very suddenly.  It’s not that our grandmas passed away after a full life of 80 years.  No, our parents were in their 50’s with grandbabies, with their own kids that still needed them.  People don’t understand the hole that is created in your heart when this happens.

Through the entire phone call I could relate to every single word she said.  I had been there, I had felt the pain, I had felt the anger.  I have been through wanting to shut the world out because you don’t want to hear what they have to say from it’s going to get better to everyday comments in a conversation about other people’s parents who are still with them.  You can become very bitter towards people.  It’s a hard thing to do at the time but you have to learn how to turn a cheek and smile and nod.  It’s easier said than done when you are grieving but you have to learn how to do it.

As we were getting off the phone I told her to call me anytime, whether it was to just talk about everyday life, to vent, to cry  or to scream, my phone was always on.  I told her to take care of herself, to make sure to let herself grieve. I reassured her that it is ok to cry, it’s ok to scream and hate the world but just not to let the hate consume her.  I told her that still after 6 years I still cry on random days, I still cry on her birthday, on certain holidays.  It’s ok to do that and not to ever let herself think differently.

She said to me “I’m putting your number in my phone as ‘My Angel’ because you truly are my angel”.

I got goose bumps and cried.

Wrecks, Purple Goop, & Stupid Girls

I have a couple of different things to blog about this am so this will be a bit all over the place.  What’s new right?  Welcome to my brain.

Yesterday B was in a wreck on his way home from work on 24.  He is fine thank goodness but I wish I could say the same for the Mercedes.  It was injured.  Traffic had just started moving again and he was up to around 20mph and the chick in front of him slammed on her breaks.  His phone had just alerted him for a text or something so he had glanced down at it and BAM right in her ass.  The grill was tore up along with the headlights and it had some leakage going on.  It had to be towed.  I am just glad B is ok.  B is Pissed to say the least.

I went to the dentist yesterday to get my permanent crown on..or so I thought.  I get there with the thinking that they are going to just pop the temporary off and pop the permanent on.  Oh how I was fooled!  OF COURSE the temp didn’t want to come off.  She pried at it with the little picky thing and it wouldn’t budge.  She then proceeded to get the plier thingy tool out and started wiggling it back and forth.  Umm, yeah that hurt.  She kept asking if I wanted Novocaine and I refused because I am so tired of my mouth and face being numb.  It just ruins the day.  I kept telling myself I can do this, I have natural childbirth damnit!  I’m tough.  Well the pliers didn’t work so she had to drill the damn thing off.  After that was done she had to drill the temp filling out from the root canal and put a new one in.  I am overwhelmed with joy and a sweaty mess.  The dentist finally comes in and there is more drilling and fun.  Finally all that is done and I’m told that since I had the root canal in between the temp crown and now my permanent crown won’t fit right so she needs to do more molds to be sent off to make a new permanent crown.  Fucking joy.  She puts the big purple goop in my mouth on it’s holder which of course is too BIG for my mouth because my mouth is so small.  She sticks it in there and tells me to bite down.  I can’t get my back teeth all the way together because the god damn thing is too big.  She said it will be fine.  So I sit there with this goopy shit in my mouth for minutes.  Immediately I have saliva pouring from my mouth and she hands me a wad of kleenex, gee thanks.  Next thing I know is I am trying to swallow and a part of the purple goop has found the back of my throat.  With every attempt to swallow it inches down my throat, I am now sitting there gagging and salivating like a freaking rabid dog.  Gorgeous visual I know.  She comes in and I tell her that a part is going down my throat and she says “just one more minute”.  WHAT! I am about to vomit in your chair (I’m literally heaving in the chair) and you want me to hold it in my mouth for another minute!  I am seriously on the verge of vomiting now due to all the gagging from the purple shit that is now half way down my throat.  She finally takes it out and with one immediate swallow off the goop went.  I had her look down my throat to see if she could see it and it was gone.  Yes I swallowed a piece of the purple molding goop.  I could taste it for the next 3 hours and felt it the rest of the day making it’s way down into my body.  Fucking Yippee.  I am going to shit purple goop one day and meanwhile before that happens maybe it will make a nice mold of my intestines.  I will keep you all posted on that.  You’re welcome.  So I left there with another temporary crown and have to go back in 3 weeks now for the permanent one.  I’m ecstatic.

I have a confession, this is just between me and you so don’t blab it ok?  I watch Teen Mom.  I know, I know.  Don’t judge me too hard.  I vowed never to watch this damn show and on a day that I needed mindless TV I turned it on and now I’m hooked.  Hooked to the point that I DVR’d it Tuesday.  I am hanging my head in shame.  Anyway to my point.  I caught up on Tuesday’s episode yesterday afternoon and I found myself pissed off.  There’s a teen mom on the show that decided to give her daughter up for adoption.  She has an “open adoption” with the adopting parents.  She goes off on a retreat for moms that gave up their child for adoption on this episode.  As the moms sit around telling their stories, a woman shares her’s where she had an open adoption and then when her child turned 4 the adopting parents decided to make it closed.  This puts the chick on the show in a panic.  Her and another chick go out to talk and the other chick, who also put her child up for adoption, says that she IS a mom regardless and they both are crying yadda yadda yadda.  Now here’s my beef, but before I get into my beef I will say this * I completely understand why some choose to put a child up for adoption, I get it, I really really do.  Timing, circumstances, situations, etc. In most cases it’s for the child’s benefit and I do believe it is the right decision*.  Back to my beef.  These girls CHOSE to put their child up for adoption therefore in my eyes you forfeit rights to that child.  Rights as in parenting rights, visits and being a part of that child’s life.  If you choose to do an “Open Adoption” all you are doing to that child is mind fucking it.  I totally understand why, the woman I spoke about before, adoption went closed when the child turned 4.  After that you are doing nothing but confusing the living daylights out of that child because they cannot understand who the fuck you are and why you are just popping up here and there.  I think it is being completely selfish to put a child through that.  YOU chose to put your child up for adoption, YOU chose for someone else to be this child’s parents, YOU CHOSE this.  Therefore you have no right to intervene and be a part of this child’s life.  If the adopting parents choose to send you photos or keep you updated, fine, but you cannot expect to just pop in and out of this child’s life the whole time and expect a child to understand who the hell you are.  In my eyes, that would cause more resentment further down the road.  It is a different story when they become old enough to wrap their head around it and they are seeking you.  For now YOU chose to put your child up and not raise it therefore you FORFEIT everything.  Just my 2 cents.

Ok that is enough randomness for one day.




Friday’s Survival Sarcasm – Daddy Edition

It’s Friday and it’s time for your Friday’s Survival Sarcasm.  Sunday is Father’s Day so today we will be honoring the Dad’s in our lives.  We will be honoring our own Dad’s this Father’s Day, some will be honoring our husbands who might or might not be the father of our children.  Dad’s or just males in general are a crucial part of making little humans.  What does one need to make little humans you ask?  You need some baby batter.  Baby batter comes from the male aka Dad.  Whether you get the baby batter straight from the dispenser located in the wiener or you go to a special place where you can purchase the baby batter, you still need it to make a little human.  So here is to you baby batter producers!  Thanks to for making providing our laughs.

Happy Father's Day!


You're the Best!

 Happy Father’s Day to all you baby batter makers!  Without you we couldn’t make humans!

As always..

Rock Your Friday!!!!








Kids, You Got to Love them, Other People’s Kids I want to Beat.

I have a shit ton of chores to get done today.  A shit ton I say.  My house has been neglected this week and now it is time to play catch up with it.  It’s all crap, I need a maid.  My laundry basket has given birth to so many dirty clothes it’s disturbing.  It’s a whore.

I hate when you wake up to the smell of death.  I think my garbage can murdered something and then hid it way down in it’s depths, the corpse is now in the decay stage and it smells.  Groddy.  Makes me want to vomit.

The cicadas are now to the point of being creepy.  There are parts of my fence that are just covered with them.  Plus my dog thinks it’s cool to bring the  larva casings in the house and last night he brought in two and left them on the living room floor for us.  I went to pick them up and throw them away and realized they had not hatched yet.  Groddy.  I don’t want them in my house and I need to close up the doggy door.

Speaking of Cicadas..I went on a field trip with W(8)  yesterday, we walked from his school up to the historic Sam Davis Home.  On the walk the kids went nuts over all of the cicadas so I proceeded to pick one up..Pull off it’s front legs and made the head pop off.  I was the coolest mom on the trip!

Every time I go to W’s classroom there is this girl that gets up from her seat and comes over to me and starts talking my ear off.  W has always told me she drives him crazy and she is “so annoying” but I always have her the benefit of the doubt .  Well yesterday I wanted to shove something in her mouth to gag her.  Good God!  I started out with just W and 2 other boys in my group, a little girl who lives up the street talked the teacher into letter her join our group and I was fine with that, she is a sweetie.  Well the “I can’t shut the F up” little girl weaseled her way into my group later in the day.  Peachy.  Come lunch time I had met my breaking point.  She said something to me and I corrected her so she slapped me on the arm.  That was it for me.  I looked at her and told her never to do that again. She smiled and giggled and asked why. Because you don’t fucking touch me you little fucking shit and if you touch me again I am going to go ape shit on your ass, now shut the fuck up and leave me alone!  I didn’t say that of course but it’s exactly what I was thinking.  I was not nice to her the rest of the day.  She never got the point.  Idiot child.

E(6) was in the kitchen yesterday and yelled in at me and said this…and I quote:  “It was FARKING cold in my classroom today”  I asked her to repeat that a few times to make sure I heard her correctly and yes that is exactly what she was saying “farking”.  Every time she repeated it I silently chuckled to myself.  She cracks me up.

My coffee tastes like ass this morning.

When checking my email yesterday afternoon I received an email from itunes, it was a receipt.  I was puzzled by this because I had not purchased anything lately.  I opened it up and there was a list of things purchased, all for a game that my son plays.  My blood started to boil and I called him outside with me immediately.  I asked him about it and his response was “I figured out your password and I will give you $20”.  It’s not about the money you little turd!  I sent him inside to clean his room and told him his father and I will discuss a punishment and he knew I was pissed, he wouldn’t come out of his room.  About an hour later I called him out of his room and told him he owes me an apology.  I proceeded to talk very calmly to him about trust and being sneaky.  I explained how trust is a huge part of a relationship, how he gets a lot of freedom with me because of the trust I have for him so if that goes to the way side with actions like this, the trust won’t be there and I will have to be up his ass all the time and he won’t be able to do the things he gets to do.  I also explained that if he starts being sneaky his life will become hell, I don’t do sneaky.  He began to cry, I had gotten through to his brain.  When I can talk to him and make him cry I know I have hit a chord with him..sweet victory. I told him to give me a hug and he squeezed me so tight that I knew he understood every word and this was his big apology.  The password has been changed and he is grounded from my ipod, his DS and all video games for awhile.

Last night I was flipping from American Idol to Palladia during commercials which was playing a Pussycat Dolls concert.  My son watches for a moment and says “Mom you look like one of the Pussycat Dolls, the one with the short hair”.  I believe he was totally kissing my ass.  Nice try kid, you are still in trouble but you made my day.  I love that kid.

Monday at W’s soccer practice was interesting.  The coach was out of town so another mom and I coached practice.  The other mom has 3 kids and they are all hellions.  They are cute and can be sweet but when you get right down to it they are little shits.  As we were on the field with the team B was left sitting with E and this mom’s 2 other kids who are 4 and 5.  The 5 year old is a little girl and her and E play together during practices and games.  She is a little rough with E and we have had to get on her before.  Well B met his breaking point with them Monday.  I look over and her daughter is pushing on E so B tells her to leave her alone.  The little girl walks over to B and slaps him on his leg, I heard the slap.  He raised his voice with her and told her to get in her chair and never to do that again.  The mom walked over and disciplined her and then walks to me and says “Is B really made at her?”  Are you fucking kidding me?  Your daughter just slapped a grown man yes he is pissed at her!  Control your fucking kids!  So here lies another great example of how parents don’t have control of their kids.  If my kids ever acted remotely like hers they wouldn’t be aloud out of the house.  Later in the practice her oldest son who is on the team walked up to me and drug the bottom of his cleats down my shin.  I told him we don’t do that and he did it Again!  I raised my voice just a level and told him that was completely unacceptable.  I’m pretty sure she heard me because she immediately stopped practice and said we were done for the night.  We still had 30 minutes left of practice.  Hopefully she took her kids home to rip them a new ass but I’m pretty sure she just wanted her kids away from B and I.  I am sorry but I don’t give a fuck who you are or who your kids are, if they are mean or violent to my kids or to me they are getting called out on it from me or B.  We don’t play that game and if it pisses you off, sorry get the fuck over it.  Learn how to control your kids and make it your mission to make them acceptable in social situations.  If you don’t ….You FAIL!  I fucking can’t stand kids that are nothing but assholes.  It pisses me off.

Calling Out the Bullshit & Probably Pissing Some People Off.

I usually don’t post on Saturdays anymore but after this morning I feel the need.  I need to call out some bullshit.

If this offends you at all..Well, I don’t know what to tell you.

Now before we get started let me say one thing…I am not a kidless person bitching about other people with kids.  I am a parent with 2 kids, 6 and 8.

Let’s start with this morning.  We had to be at the soccer field at 8:30am for pictures.  All the parents and kids are waiting under a covered picnic table pavilion waiting for their turn.

~If you are a parent with kids in tow in a crowded place with 50 of your closest strangers, what exactly makes you think it’s OK to let your child/children run in circles around people?  Keep your god damn kids under control.  Have some fucking respect for other people around you.  The world does not revolve solely around you and your hellion kids.  Control them.

Let’s move on to the soccer game.

~Two girls run across the center of the field while the game is going on.  Where the fuck are the parents? Why do the girls think it is ok in the first place to do this sort of thing?  They probably learned it from their parents.  A big WTF moment.

After the soccer game W and I stop at Dunkin Donuts for well some donuts.

~It is crowded and it is my turn to order.  I place my order and pay.  As I am gathering up the 3 drinks that I purchased AND putting my card away the check out fuck looked at me and said “can you move to the side so I can take the next order”.  Listen you little fucking shit!  You just handed my fucking card back to me, I know there is someone behind me, but give me 2 fucking seconds to put my shit away and then I will gladly get the fuck out of the way so the next person can order.  I told him that he was very rude and bitchally moved my shit out of the king donut’s way.  Fucktard!  He mumbled something, most likely calling my a bitch and that is fine, he didn’t see bitch.  I could have easily kicked it up to cunt mode and really ruined his day but I didn’t.  Have fun working at dunkin donuts you dip shit.

A trip to Walmart for 4 things.  First I hate this place and yes I could have went somewhere else and avoided it all together but the I would have had to go to 3 different stores and paid an arm and a leg, I don’t have that time today.

~W, E and I are standing at the end of an aisle trying to figure out where something is when 3 teenage fucking girls just walk right in between me and the kids.  Are you fucking kidding me?!  Walk around me you lazy inconsiderate douchebags.  One gives me a look and if looks could kill I probably would have dropped dead, Fuck you, you overweight cunt and put some clothes on that actually fucking fit.  You look like fucking shit.  The last one to go through if looks could kill SHE would have dropped dead because I was about to flip.  She looks at me and says “I like your purse”.  Well la de fucking da.  You better be glad I didn’t hit you with it…grandma style.

~Kids screaming all over the place.  Seriously, this is completely unnecessary and where are the parents?  Oh that’s right they are screaming for their kids because god forbid they leave an aisle to go actually look for their child.  “You know what I’ll just stand here and yell at the top of my lungs for my monster of a child who doesn’t listen and is screaming 1 aisle over.”  Fuck you white trash.    Control your fucking damn kids!

~Back in the dairy department where you will find the restrooms.  A woman is standing there put her fucking hands up to her mouth like you do when you are yelling and proceeded to YELL down the damn store at somebody.  This is a grown woman who came really fucking close to getting my sketcher up her ass.

I looked at the kids and said we have to get out of here right now.  W looks at me and says Why?  I explained to him that I was about to kill someone and I don’t want to murder a person in front of my kids.  It’s not in my parenting style.  *I really didn’t tell him that but that is exactly what I was thinking*

~We check out.  Like any other day the check out lady is a miserable human being.  No Hello, No how are you today.  Just scan and pay.  My son had his own purchase to make with his own money therefore we had 2 separate transactions, mine and his.  When it was his turn it was a total bother to her.  HE’S FUCKING 8 YOU FUCKING ASSBAG!  How about smiling at him as he’s counting his money, how about ‘that’s awesome that you are buying your own thing’.  No, completely to much to ask.  He pays for his cards and I gather our bags up that I had to turn the bag carousel around to get.  She says nothing. Come to find out she was either going on break or getting off for the day and I guess we just inconvenienced her because she had to wait on us before she could shut down.  Fuck you it’s not my fault you work at walmart.

I am not perfect in my parenting skills, no one is.  But I can tell you this…  My kids know how to act in a public place.  I am a considerate person and I’ll be damned if my kids are not.  They will and do know how to respect others, they will and do know manners, they will be polite to others.  I will be damned if my kids run around uncontrollably acting like little fucking pricks.

The problem is the parents.  They are the ones that are the pricks.  They don’t know their ass from a hole in the wall and their parenting reflects it.  They just let them run around doing whatever the hell they want to because they are too lazy to actually do their job as a parent and make their kids into respectable, nice, polite little humans.  To you I say fuck you.  Keep your kids away from me and my kids.  I don’t want my kids acting like yours because it’s NOT ok.  I don’t give a shit if you have 35 kids and you say you can’t keep up with them.  I call Bullshit.  It’s called actually giving a shit and doing your job as a parent.  You can’t just let your kids do whatever the hell they want to, you can’t just throw money at them and tell them to go on, you have to be involved, you control them.  Until they are 18 you are the BOSS, they answer to you.  It’s time to step the fuck up and make sure your kids grow up to be respectable humans.  If they don’t there is no one to blame but YOU.

As for all the miserable human beings walking the earth and at walmart…put a god damn smile on your face.  Life isn’t that bad.  You make yourself miserable, you make the bed you lay in.  If you are that miserable stay home, don’t go out in public where other people have to deal with you and then in turn become pissed off because you came around.

My Kid’s Report Cards Makes Me 1 Happy Mom!

Yesterday reports came home with both of the kids.  It’s the end of the 3rd grading period and I couldn’t be happier.  Both of them are doing great.  E(5) is right where she should be on everything and according to the teacher is doing “awesome”.  That’s my girl, pure awesomeness!  W(8) is right where he should be on everything except reading, that is where he is excelling beyond his grade level.  I don’t know exactly what level or grade he is reading at but this is what his report card said.

It breaks down by grading period how many correct words per minute they should be reading and then states how many they read when tested right before report cards came out.  Every grading period W has been above where he should be (I should have written the other grading periods down), on this one he should be reading anywhere from 62-82 correct words per minute.  He is reading 158 correct words per minute!

I don’t know what grade level that is exactly but I can tell you this, they have a reading program at school where the kids pick library books, read them and then are tested on them.  The books have numbers on them stating what grade level they are and the majority that he is reading are at a 4th grade level.  I’m not sure how many books he has read in the program because he brings home 2 at a time but he has aced every single test on his books expect for one and that one he received an 80%.  Who is proud of their kid and has two thumbs?  This mom right here!

Seriously, I am so proud of him.  He took up reading very quickly, almost over night and blew my mind.  He loves to read, he loves his books.  Right after the first grading period this year W also started getting pulled out of class for advanced Math.  He loves Math and numbers and again blows my mind.  He can figure number in his head that makes me stop and want to get out my toes to help figure out the problem.  He gets that from his dad…not me.  He took it upon himself to learn some multiplication and division.  Not anything crazy, just small problems but still he gets it and can do it at 8.  He also loves to teach E math, I have caught them at the white board or back in E’s room with her play school kit with him as the teacher teaching her addition and subtraction.  I love it!  I know I am biased because he is my kid but he blows my mind and is so so smart.  Too smart for his own good sometimes.  E is going great at reading too, it was like she picked it up overnight as well.  She is reading me some of W’s old books, I hope she sticks with it and continues to enjoy reading!

My kids make me One Proud Mommy!

Toddlers and Tiaras=The worst show on TV

So I have watched the previews for the show Toddlers and Tiaras many many times and they alone turned me off.  Yesterday as I was flipping through the channels I noticed it was on by the bratty screaming little girl who looked 14 instead of 4.  Normally I would have kept surfing, but I stopped and I watched…for the first time.  I am a little embarrassed to admit that I spent time in my life watching this show but I felt that I had to in order to say I watched it at least once and then I would have honest griping rights.

Where do I begin?  Everything, everything, about this show is completely wrong and disgusting.  In my opinion, this is the most disgusting and disturbing show on tv at the moment.  Yes worse than 1000 Ways to Die.   If you are unfamiliar with Toddlers and Tiaras it is a reality show that follows little girls and their families as they compete in beauty pageants.  Now I feel I should make clear that I am not a hater of beauty pageants, my problem lies in these little girls being dolled up to not even look real at such a young age, the way the mothers are, which is truly the disgusting part, and the way the little girls act for the most part.

After watching the show for 10 minutes my opinion of the show didn’t change, it just confirmed it.  I wanted to stick ice picks in my eyes, beat the mothers and place on the girls in therapy.  I do believe the episode I watched was the season 3 opener which followed 3 little girls ages 4, 6 and 9.  The 4 year old, who’s name is Mackenzie, was a little bossy brat who’s mother admittedly just let her do what ever she wants to keep her happy.  Huh?  Now I realize this little girl is the way she is because of her parents so I feel a little bad for calling her a brat but that’s what she was.  At 4 years old she was bossing her mother around, yelling for her “drink” and her Ni-Ni (pacifier), pushing her mother away, not listening etc.  Disgusting.  If my kids even played with the idea of acting even remotely like this they would be grounded for the rest of their lives.

Then there was the 6 year old, I believe her name was Daisy, she wasn’t so bad but her mother took her to man who makes teeth.  Because she is in the awkward phase of loosing baby teeth and getting her big teeth they got her fake teeth!  They made her fake.  At 6 years old what kind of message is she receiving from this?  That you have to be fake to be beautiful?  Are they creating the future cast of Bridalpasty or any other show that follows girls that are obsessed with plastic surgery?  There were also girls who wore wigs.  Now I am no professional but this can’t be sending good messages to these little girls.  These girls already at this young age are train wrecks.

Now the mothers.  This is where I get furious and would like just for a moment to be alone in a room with the moms.  My first words to them would be “What the Hell are you doing?”  “What the Hell are you thinking?”.  They obviously have issues whether it be that they were not told they were beautiful as a young girl, they are living through their daughters, maybe they have daddy issues, they were dropped on their heads as children, or maybe they are just delusional and retarded.  I don’t know but they should be ashamed of themselves.  They are doing nothing but creating little monsters.  Little monsters that I don’t want my kids to have anything to do with.  I don’t want my kids anywhere near this kind of influence.  My daughter gets told she is beautiful on a daily basis from me and her dad, hell she gets told that from complete strangers everywhere we go.  There isn’t a chance in hell that I would dress her up at age 5 to look 20 years old with makeup, fake teeth, highlights, eyebrows waxed and wigs.  Gross.  These mothers let their daughters walk all over them, they give no discipline, tell their daughters that being perfect is what it is all about.  All they are doing is creating little walking train wrecks that will have anorexia at the age of 10.  I wonder if the girls have a savings account for plastic surgery instead of a college fund?  It wouldn’t surprise me.

During the pageant some of the little girls come out in foo foo dresses, I would expect that but I was blown away to see some walk out looking like they were in the Pussycat Dolls.  Seriously?  Your daughter is 9 years old and you want her to look like a little hoochie stripper or something?  They would have knee high boots, these little skirts where their butt was almost showing and dance like they needed a pole.  That was so disturbing.

This little girl is 2!  2!  Good lord!  Her dad is obviously a closet flamer living through his daughter.  Get a life man, it’s time to come out of the closet and make your own drag get up because that’s obviously what you are really wanting to do.

TLC should be ashamed to be broadcasting this filth.  I guess it is appropriate that Toddlers and Tiaras be on “The Learning Channel” since this show is teaching little girls how to be fake, superficial, and bratty and giving them a false sense of reality.  They can learn how to be real train wrecks.  In my opinion this show should be taken off the air and all copies burned to never be shown again.

7 years ago today, I said I do..forever.

13 years ago next month I received a phone call from a friend who invited me to go to her brother’s band practice. I was bored that night so I decided I would go.  We walked into this old barn where upstairs the band practice was taking place.  I walked in the room and said hello to everyone and standing there in torn up jeans, a worn out shirt, a toboggan and this sexy as hell red guitar hanging off of him was Billy.  My first thought “When did he get cute?”  See, I have known him since I was in the 5th grade, his sister and I were in the same class and were always friends.  I would spend the night with her and he was always the jerk big brother that would make fun of me or have to drive me home after a sleep over.  Never once did I give him a look, a thought or even think he was cute.  He was my friend’s older brother…period.  That night at band practice changed everything.  He was grown up now and he was H-O-T.  I’m sure that red guitar helped   😉   They continued their band practice and I sat and I watched him tear up that guitar and frankly I wanted to tear off his clothes.  But I sat quietly and watched.  A couple of days later I was at work when I got a phone call from my friend, his sister, telling me that she just talked to her brother and he had mentioned wanting to take me out one night and he wanted to know if it was ok to give me a call.  I kept my cool and said sure that sounds fun.  After hanging up the phone I jumped around like a little girl, so excited.

**At this point in my life I was 20 years old, a server at a chili joint and had sworn off guys and dating for a bit.  No I wasn’t turning into a lesbian, I was at crossroads in my life.  I had moved back in with my mom and was finishing the process of getting my butt back into gear.**

He called and asked me out on a date, I of course accepted.  We set it up for that Friday night.  Friday came, he picked me up and we headed to his sister’s for a bit before heading to The Chalet.  Now I went into this date with the thought of I am going home tonight, to my moms and he would go on his way.  Well that didn’t happen.  We were sitting in his truck in the parking lot talking when he kissed me.  That’s all she wrote folks…I didn’t go home that night.  Yes, I was a floozie and went home with him.  I couldn’t resist that kiss.  From that point on we were inseparable.

In 2003 he asked me to marry him and a year later on January 31, 2004 we were married.  It was a beautiful wedding.  We got married in an old historic mansion in our home town.  I woke up that morning in my mom’s house to frozen pipes, 8 inches of snow on the ground, and B calling to tell me how hung over he was from his bachelor party.  Great.  But nothing was going to stop us.  He shook it off and us girls went on about our day of getting ready for the big moment.  Everything was beautiful and ready.  It was a gorgeous wedding with family and friends surrounding us.

In our 13 years together our love has been tested, in our 7 years of marriage our marriage has been tested.  But we were strong and overcame every obstacle that was thrown at us.  We prevailed, our marriage prevailed..our love was to strong to break.  Now today I I love him more than I ever thought was humanly possible.  He is my best friend, he is my world, he is what completes my heart.  I still after 13 years get butterflies, he still makes me laugh every day, he tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful everyday.  He is the best man in the world.  He is a wonderful father, he is the best husband, he is my buddy.  I feel very lucky everyday to have him in my life.  He has taught me so much in the 13 years we have been together, I love his wisdom.  He is always there for me, always willing to listen, always there to hold my hand.

Friday he sent me the best email.  It was a collage of words from the past 13 years.  Just random quotes that we have said, things we did, memories etc. I read it with tears in my eyes while laughing so hard I almost couldn’t breathe.  It was the best, no card can top that.  Friday night he took me to dinner to celebrate our anniversary and we had a fabulous time…together.

So here is to the last 13 years, here is to today and here is to what is to come….

I love you B!!!!!

Co-Sleeping/Family bed. Do you have your kids in bed with you?

Let’s talk co-sleeping, meaning your children in your bed.  I personally have never allowed this for a couple of reasons.  1. I hate a crowded bed, I like my space  2. I always had the thought of if I let my kids sleep with us when they are young, I am just creating a monster who will never be able to sleep alone in their bed.

I don’t understand this thinking about having the kids in your bed.  When my son was little I would lay down with him at nap time and bedtime to help him fall asleep.  And it was usually putting him to bed in our bed and then when we were ready to go to bed I would move him to his.  One of the biggest mistakes I ever made.  Yes it was cute, yes it was nice to snuggle with him and have that time but when he became 2 years old it got old quick.  I found myself at nap time after he had fallen asleep sneaking out of the bed.  Literally rolling off the side so not to move the bed when I was getting up because the slightest movement he would wake up and I was right back down.  Ridiculous.  Here I was with a newborn and my son still wanted me to lay down with him.  This did not work.  I had to break the habit and it was hard.  I could only imagine how hard it is to break the habit of your children sleeping with you.  On top of that, what happens to ‘your’ time, when do the husband and wife just get to have time alone in their bed whether it is to just lay in bed alone and snuggle or have sex or to just simply talk.  On the local news this am they did a story on this.  Talking to a few families that do have their children in bed with them…every..night.  I am blown away.  Their thoughts were it’s the best way to wake up, we are creating a loving lasting bond with our children, it’s family time or I would rather have the kids in bed with me sleeping a solid 7-8 hours instead of getting up in the middle of the night.  I so disagree.  Clinical studies show it is not healthy for this co-sleeping to take place and a bit wrong especially when the kids are older.  I so agree.  Now when if one of my kids come in to our room in the middle of the night sick or with a bad dream then we will let them hop in the bed but this is a very rare occasion.  My daughter is a sneaky little booger and will come in saying she had a bad dream, one night this is cool, if she pulls it two nights in a row I’m on to her and she goes back to her bed.  My daughter was never one to have or want someone in bed with her.  I am pretty sure she gets this honestly from me.  I was so thankful for this. The occasional nap snuggle was splendid and I loved it but I was so happy she didn’t require it or that I let a bad habit start again.

This can’t be good for kids to sleep with you, in my mind.  I would love to read about a study that focuses on kids that sleep with their parents and the attachment they have.  Do the kids totally flip out when they are away from their parents?  Do they flip out when the parent drops them off at school or the babysitter?  What kind of attachment is this creating?  A completely dependent attachment?

From our experience, and I am solely basing this on my marriage and our experience, couples have to have ‘our time’.  I find it essential to a wonderful marriage.  Some might not need this but we do.  We have to have a night away every now and again, we have to have our alone time in the evenings, I have to have quiet time for at least an hour after the kids go to bed, we have to have sex and we enjoy it immensely.  One couple that they interviewed on the news this am was asked “when do you guys get know”.  Their answer, when ever we can, it’s quick and sporadic and when and where ever we can get it in.  Really?  And you are ok with that?  Just a little quickie here and there.  Don’t you want to be alone with your husband in the confines of your own bed with no time limit?  Don’t you want to have the time to be romanced and/or have time for some foreplay so it’s just not wham, bam thank you mam?  I don’t get it.  I heard from a friend one time that they get it in when ever they can…even going to the walk in closet for a quickie and they kids coming in and yelling for them.  I totally get that you do what you can when you can…I get it, I really really do.  But I just think every couple needs their time during the day.  And I believe that some of that time should be spent in your bed..together…alone.

So what are your thoughts on the co-sleeping aka family bed?  Do you have your kids in bed with you?

I have friends that let their kids sleep with them every night.  By no mean am I slamming or disrespecting anyone for their choices, this is simply my opinion.

On this day I am thankful…

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I will be up and at’em bright and early cooking my goodies for the dinner at my parent’s house so I thought I would go ahead and do my thankful post today.

What I am thankful for this Thanksgiving…

  • My beautiful kids.  They make me smile on the gloomiest of days, make me laugh on a constant basis, can brighten up any room, and they fill my heart with love making it whole and complete.  They are loving, caring, great little people and they forever will be my little buddies.  I am thankful that I was blessed with two beautiful, healthy kids that will brighten many people’s lives in the years to come.
  • My husband.  He is one of the most genuine, caring, loving people I have had in my life.  He loves me unconditionally, makes me laugh on a daily basis, has my back in any situation, is there for me when I need him, can cure my blues with one hug.  He is my soul mate, he is my love, he is my world.  I am thankful to have him here with me everyday.  I am thankful for the man he is and father he will always be.  He is the best dad to our children and the best husband a girl could ask for.  Even though he worked a 12 hours day he will still come home and spend hours on the floor with the kids playing games, acting silly and goofy, making them laugh, teaching them life lessons that they will forever carry with them.  He loves his kids more than life itself and he shows it everyday.  He is the world’s best dad.  I love him with all my heart.
  • My sister.  She is my best friend, my backbone, my confidant, my strength, my fashion stylist, my critic, my secret teller and holder.  I am thankful everyday that I have her in my life and that mom gave me the best sister in the world.  We can fight one day and love the next.  We are both unique in our own ways but creepy similar in others.  She is there for me when I need someone to hold my hand, to vent to, a shoulder to cry on, and when I just need a friend.  She is there to share the laughter, the tears, the screams, the stories and is there when I need to just ‘be’.  She is a very unique person who has her own outlook on life, she is who she is with no regrets, she is strong and creative and goes after what she wants and I admire her for that.  She doesn’t cave to anyone and what they think, she is her own person.  My sister is one of the strongest, independent, awesome and amazing women I know.  I love you Lindz.
  • My Dad and Stepmom.  I am so thankful that they took the leap to move down here leaving the only life they have ever known behind to be here with us and their grandchildren.  I am thankful for the parents they are to my sister and I, always being there for us and for loving us unconditionally.  I am thankful for the grandparents they are to my children.  They are the best, caring, loving, playful grandparents kids could ask for.  They love these kids more than life itself and it is shown in the way they look at the kids, you can see the love in their eyes.  I am thankful that my kids are fortunate enough to have them close now, to have two genuine people love them unconditionally, to help teach them the ways of the world, to take my son hunting and instill the love of nature in them both.  They give my children the most precious gifts…the gift of grandparent’s love.
  • My friends near and far.  You can’t make it through life without a couple of great friends.  They become your support system, your partners in crime.  They are there when you need someone, a listening ear, a good laugh, a shoulder to cry on, and a glass of wine.  I don’t know where I would be without my friends that are close to me.  A true friend loves you for who you are, can finish your sentences, knows what you are thinking before you do, doesn’t judge you, accepts you for who you are, I am very lucky to have so many that do just that.  I am thankful each and everyday for the good, genuine people that I surround myself with.
  • The life that I have been given.  I feel very fortunate to be able to lead the life that I do.  My husband is a great provider for his family, giving us the opportunity to do pretty much what we want and have the things that want and all of the things that we need.  I am grateful that he and I share the same outlook on life and that is to live everyday to the fullest.  You can’t take life for granted and that it will always be here because it can be gone in a blink of an eye.  I am thankful for all the love that surrounds me on a daily basis.  I am thankful for the life lessons that I learn everyday.  I am proud of who I am and the woman I have grown to be.  I am a loving, caring, giving, and an honest person and I am thankful for my parents who took the time to instill those great qualities within me.
  • I am thankful that I was taught not everything is peachy and perfect, that the world can be an ugly and not so pleasant place sometimes, that people can be cruel and evil, that sometimes it just is what it is, that you don’t have to keep up with jone’s, that you should embrace who you are and be who you are without regrets.  I am thankful for always having the truth told to me so not to grow up with blinders and many misconceptions of how life and the world can sometimes be.  I am thankful for understanding life is what you make of it, you make your own happiness and you make your own sadness.  I am thankful that while growing up that the truth of the world was never hidden from me.  I am thankful that I see life and the way things are for what they are as ugly or as great as they can be.

I hope everyone is thankful on this day for everything great you have and that you don’t take this beautiful life you are given for granted.  So as you sit surrounded by your family and friends stop and take a moment to look around and take it all in.  Take in the love that you have surrounding you and be thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving to you, your family, your friends, your loved ones.